I've freckin had it!!!

[KG]

I'm so sick and tired

of doing this on my own!

My son is great, but I cannot be 2 people...mom and dad,

cannot be everything he needs, and I need...

I can't get past my grief, and keep up with him...

Am so worn out!

How am I ever going to have a normal life anymore?

I so can't do this...

Tired,

despondent,

dissilullioned,

tired.

worn out.

[annie24]

hey - you are doing a really really great job. give yourself a pat on the back. can you join a widows' support group, or other kind of support group? try to find some time for yourself, have fun doing somethings you like. Your son is 11 or so, right? he is getting to the age where he can be left alone from time to time. Or maybe he can spend some time with his friends at their place, and you can take turns with his parents looking out for the kids. You know, give yourself a chance to relax and catch up with old friends.

 

hang in there, you are doing great!

[melrich]

Sorry Kimsguy, I don't know your backstory. I'm guessing you are a single parent, tough gig. I am sure there are times when you feel like giving up, it's all too hard. But you won't because you love your boy.

 

Are there are there any support groups/community based services where you live that could help? Don't be afraid to tell people that can help you that you are having difficulty coping. It's nothing to be ashamed of, we all have times like that.

[sandyv]

Kimsguy, you already know me.... Sandy.....

 

I felt as you do many years ago... but guess what? I'm still here and plodding on although its never been easy.....

 

As a matter of fact its still tough and hasn't got alot easier, I just do it because I have to, and you will be o.k. believe it or not... I have adjusted, it does take time...

 

Hang in there

 

xxx

 

Sandy

[DN]

I have seen some of your previous posts and have always admired how you have coped with this - you are much stronger than you think you are.

 

And i agree with Annie and melrich - support groups can be a great help at times like this.

[KG]

Sorry guys...just fed up...

soo much on my plate,

and a 12 yrear old that won't give up...

I think I'm losing it!!!

i can't be his best friend, his dad, and his mom all at the same time.

And it SOO helps that I have no other support...

[JadedStar]

Hey man, you are right on target.

 

I'd say that is how I felt every three weeks when I was a single parent. It's normal.

 

The good news is this too shall pass.

 

You are doing fine. I have kept up with some of your threads...you are an amazing guy and doing just fine. this despondency is not at all surprising and you WILL get thru it.

[sandyv]

But you can KG, seems unbelievable, but right now this is new to you, I am mom, dad... etc.....

 

Michael (my son) never came with a owner's manual, I'm still learning .... and yeah you will too.... honestly!

[Dako]

Kimsguy,

 

I consider you one of the more impressive people on this forum. Your ability to struggle with parenthood, red tape and grief inspire me when my petty troubles get to me.

 

You don't have to be perfect. Just being the man you are is quite a feat.

If you stumble here and there, consider how lucky your son is to have a father who's engaged and trying.

 

All you have to do is keep trying.

You're a good man.

[MargaretK]

I hear you. I am a single parent with no support and a troubled four year old. It is hard, theres nothing like it. One of the loneliest experiences anyone can endure is being a single parent. All you can do is hang in there and from time to time, vent. Whether it is coming in here and having a rant or having a rage at a friend, you need to get it all out.

 

NO one is perfect and I am sure in time your 12 year old will see that you are doing the best you can.

 

Good on your so far... I mean hes alive right? LOL On my sons birthdays I usually have a drink to myself and give my self a pat on the back for feeding and watering my seed and keeping us alive and sane hahaha well done to all single parents out there.

[ostego]

:S just realised you're a bloke sorry!!

 

Sorry, i originally wrote the first thing because i just assumed you were a woman, as it's usually the mother who ends up the single parent (or at least over here in england it is!)

 

That makes it even more amazing! It's great to see a father struggling through single-parenthood!

 

I have a friend in your exact situation (well, he's the 14 year old son!) and his father has down times as well! But to my friend.... his dad means the world to him, he's not some super dad, he doesn't spoil him, or anything out of the ordinary, it's just the fact that his dad is there! His dad is always going to be there for him, and it's a bond thats been created out of that that has led them to be very close!

 

You may think you can't be "all that" to your son but from your sons point of view, you probably are! Maybe you just put yourself down because of your situation (which im not sure of the background of, so am not too sure how you've ended up in single-parenthood) as a single parent, that you've got your mind stuck in a state of thinking where you always appear to be in-adequate. And because you love your son so much, you feel he deserves more (e.g. a mother) and you just can't provide that! BUT, thats in your mind! To him, im sure you are the world! He doesn't have a mother, but he does have you, and im sure that he feels content with your effort and all you've done for him!

 

Don't ever feel like you can't do it, because you can! Just don't get stuck in the mind state that you can't because that's going to make it more difficult! You deserve to pick yourself up and just get on with your life, enjoy being a parent, if not for yourself, for your son, as he's the one depending on you, he's done it for 12 years, and you've been there for all 12 of them (as far as i am aware) so you can do it a few more!

[KG]

Thanks to you all for the support!

It seems i go through this about every 3 weeks or so...

What troubles me the most is that I get no calls from her family,

or hardly any from my friends. I mean, they know I'm here, were alone, do they not understand I could use a friendly voice, encouragement?

And I'm tired of calling them...why is it up to me to reach out?

It all adds to the lonliness I feel so often.

Ah well, time to buck up!

Oh, BTW, I am in group counseling for widowers.