Please help... I feel broken

[renno]

I have been dating a wonderful guy for a year and a half. My last relationship ended really abruptly, but the true reason for that was revealed after he was spotted in a local gay bar, alone, and without his wedding ring on.

 

My boyfriend and I have recently moved in together, and my parents have been acting strange toward him and I. They recently sent me an email outlining that they do not feel like they are comfortable around he and I, because they think he is gay.

 

I don't think he is gay. He is sensitive, I will give them that. And, he was raised by a single mother - so he is not the sportsy beer bellied type, but we have a great sexual relationship and I honestly believe that if he were gay, he would be fine with it - and come right on out of the closet. He is comfortable in his own skin.

 

I have talked it over with him, and he laughed hysterically and said "obviously you dont think I am gay... do you?" But I know deep down he is angry and hurt, that his sexuality was challenged by people he was trying hard to impress and win over.

 

How do I forgive my parents for this level of intrusion? I am ashamed of their judgment. ... and How do I get over the nagging feeling that if they think he is gay, maybe everyone else does too??

[volpe]

gosh, i'm sorry... that sounds really awful, especially for your boyfriend... so i'm supposing you were married to someone before and you found him in a gay bar? I'm confused... perhaps that is why your parents are now paranoid.

 

i really feel like it would have been better not to tell your boyfriend that your parents think he is gay. it kind of sounds like you were asking him if he is gay based on what your parents were saying and you needed reassurance from him that he is straight. ouch! i'm sure that was hard for him to deal with.

 

you can't let what other people think about his sexual orientation affect you. what you think is more important. are YOU doubting??

[melrich]

Well I think your parents are way out of line. I'm tempted to advise you (tongue in cheek) to take a couple of bedroom photos (u you know what I mean) and send them to them.

 

Anyway, I think what you really need to do is be quite blunt with your mom and dad and tell then in no uncertain terms that their opinion is ridiculous and unwarranted and they have hurt you deeply (especially given your previous experience).

 

I also wondered why you told your bf that they said this. I would have been more inclined to sort that out with them and leave him out of it.

[Eleora]

How do I forgive my parents for this level of intrusion? I am ashamed of their judgment. ... and How do I get over the nagging feeling that if they think he is gay, maybe everyone else does too??

 

 

Firstly who cares what everyone else thinks.... If you are happy thats all that matters.

 

Forgiving your parents might be a bit harder.... The best thing to do is talk about it with them... NOT BY EMAIL - Emails can easily be taken the wrong way... Try talking with them and talk about "feelings" and how you feel about what they said/did... Then talk about what they could do to make you "feel" better or make the situation better.

 

Talking about feelings is a great way because you are not talking about who did what or whom said what, and when arguing everyone usually thinks they are right, so If you talk about feelings then no-one can change the way you feel and feelings are stronger than the actual argument.. Its feelings that caused the argument in the first place... Talking about feelings and then talking about actions to take to try help to fix the problem is the best way - My councillor has taught me to use this method and it works great....

 

Hope this helps - Good luck xxx