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Another mystery of the EX


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Entertain me if you will fellow citizens of this forum, I have a interesting behaviour about my EX that I would like to consult with you all. But before I begin I'll give you a simplified background, but for more details check the link below and it should explain everything. If not, what I'll state here is sufficient information.

 

 

 

Anyhow, here it goes. I've been on NC for about 9-10 months now and the last time she tried to communicate with me was about three months ago asking for the address of my new blog. I ignored it, figuring that if I wanted her to have it I would have volunteered that information.

 

My blog, up until three and a half months ago had daily posts about my activities and creative writing. I decided to change that and use it now to hold all my creative writing. All the personal stuff goes into another blog (which she does not have access to). I update the personal blog daily, but the old blog that holds all my creative writing gets updated approximately once a month (if I get time to write something creatively). In addition, I have an IP tracker on the old creative writing blog.

 

I recently updated the old creative writing blog (having made no posts for about a month and a half) and even changed the layout a bit because I felt it needed a facelift. I left it alone for about a week and decided to check on the IP tracker to see how far my blog had travelled in the world. Lo and behold, I see that the EX has been visiting once a week (it dropped considerably I guess since I stopped updating it frequently), but that is not the issue. The curious thing is that whenever (noticed this pattern after my latest revamp of my blogs layout) I change the layout, she hits two particular pages.

 

The first page was written by me two years ago and it gushed about us being together and even sported a picture of us together. The second page is a bit of a mystery because I have a lot of things written on there, but my guess would be the blurb I wrote about my friend (whom she thought I was dating after the EX broke up with me. We spent a lot of time together but I was not interested in any relationship and plus she was getting married this Fall. I'm still grateful that she was there during those turbulent early months of NC) and the shot of her in her bikini when she went to the Cayman Islands.

 

Now the mystery lies in why she would check on these two particular pages each and everytime I do a facelift on my old creative writing blog (I've changed the layout three times)?

I've mulled over it but couldn't think of any reason for her to do it, so I've decided to extend the mystery to my brothers and sisters out there in ENA land to help me solve or at least shed some light on this.

 

Andy

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Nostalgia. I'd do it - I'm sentimental

 

does she know you have the IP tracking thingy?

 

She has no idea that I have a IP tracker. I thought about the nostalgia angle and as Shin kensen has stated, she may like my writing. But that doesn't explain why each time I change layouts for the blog she goes to those two particular pages. She doesn't normally go to them, but only when I change the layout.

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I agree, she may want to see if the page about her is still there plus the other you mentioned. She may look for changes in whats happening within you by looking at those pages. If the page about you two together is still there, it may reasure her that you still hold a sentimental part of yourself for her, or something like that.

All relationships have some level of idealization, maybe she needs to go back to that idealization of what you and her had?

 

Just guessing, I do know when we try to guess the mind of another, we always color our results with our own interpretation of what is said or done. We really can't be objective, especially in a relationship. We can try to understand though.

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I can see that she wants to see if I changed anything I may have written about her, but the second page is the thing that kind of negates that thought. The only thing I could see on the second page is about my friend, and I wrote later on that she was getting married. Why look in on that?

See how this delicious mystery has me intrigued? Not that I would do anything based on this information, but it does raise my eyebrow.

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I still think she may be checking to see what else may have changed. If she did indeed think that you dated your friend she may also be checking to see if there are any changes on your thread about that. For instance, for you to delete the page about her and keep the other would mean one thing while deleting the other and keeping the one about her could be another thing entirely. Deleting both of them would be different again, as does keeping them both. But you see, now you have me over anylazing the situation!

 

It really doesn't mean much though, at least not in my opinion. (Well, before I started thinking too much anyway!) What could be idle curiosity or unmotivated boredom may appear to be something more on that tracker of yours.

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Do you think somewhere in her mind, she sees some connection with you and your friend and is searching for more definition? Maybe subconsciously jealous of the closeness?

 

Jealous? She did wish me good luck with her about six months back, but of course she did not know about her getting married. I eventually posted that on my blog so she is aware of the relationship I have with my friend, Mindy.

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I still think she may be checking to see what else may have changed. If she did indeed think that you dated your friend she may also be checking to see if there are any changes on your thread about that. For instance, for you to delete the page about her and keep the other would mean one thing while deleting the other and keeping the one about her could be another thing entirely. Deleting both of them would be different again, as does keeping them both. But you see, now you have me over anylazing the situation!

 

It really doesn't mean much though, at least not in my opinion. (Well, before I started thinking too much anyway!) What could be idle curiosity or unmotivated boredom may appear to be something more on that tracker of yours.

 

That's what I thought at first too. Before, all of this she would hit these two particular pages periodically. But ever since I stopped making regular posts, she checks on the pages whenever there is a change. I found the pattern interesting after I looked through the tracker and noticed it. Yes, it looks like I'm over-analyzing, but repetitive patterns intrigue me and normally her going on the old blog wouldn't cause a blip on my radar because I'm used to it.

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WS .... hard to say, I can admit that us women can get fixated on an idea (bet you guys can too, huh?) She needs to see something though, she may not even understand why herself.

No matter, by going there she is still tied to you in some manner. When I have cut all threads to the past, I don't look back at anything.

"Life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday" my apologies to Kahil Gibran for poor quotation.

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Well, just an outsider's guess, but I will say that a possibility for her going to those 2 pages would be that she misses you and what you two once had, and revisits it as a way of revisiting your love that you expressed to her at that point in your lives, and then the other page-you said she thought that you had a relationship with her after the two of you split-well maybe after getting sentimental over the lost love, she goes to view that other page as a way to ease her pain, to convince herself that you must not have loved her as much as she thought, and as much as you wrote, because how else could you fall for someone else so quickly? I may be completely off base and totally wrong...just a thought...take care buddy.

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auburn took the words right out of my mouth.

 

There is another possibility that she just genuinely likes your writing, and that will never change.

 

OR she is secretly spying on you, for Stephen Harper.

 

Or she is deeply longing for you to notice she has been checking up on you, so you can rescue her from sharks in the Bahamas.

 

My point is this, over analyzing leads to running your mind in no clear direction but to Confusedville, population 1. You may never know, and you should not look into it further, and continue moving on.

 

You've been doing VERY well mate, and I hope you continue to do so, without letting things like this drive you insane. I would suggest getting rid of your tracker, personally, so you don't find yourself in this confusion again.

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I would agree with Moto here, as beating this to death doesn't really solve the mystery. I will speak from my own personal experience (which is really the only thing I'm qualified to talk about here anyway). I have had women dump me, but then be jealous that I was dating other people as that got back to them through the grapevine.

 

In my experience, many women who dump you don't want you, but they don't want other women to have you either. My ex used to drive by my house after she dumped me all the time to see if I was seeing anyone or whatever. Crazy stuff....she dumped me!

 

I think at some level all dumpers have some regrets and remorse about how they handled things at the end of the relationship, and if they were off with someone else right away they may even feel some guilt.

 

Good for you Wandering for being able to objectively let these events pass without triggering you into some sort of contact.

 

After my breakup, I put up and online ad. Several of my ex's friends were on there and very critical of me. I'm sure saying to her...."this guy is a player." The relationship was over, I can do what I want, but my ex and her friends were still checking in on me and judging me as if I was still in the relationship or as if I was the dumper.

 

Thank goodness for ENA and for the clear eyed people here who hold each other accountable. I know you weren't considering breaking NC Wandering, because you are a rock of strength, but for the rest of us who are on a less stable foundation, the idea of such contact as this is intriguing. We need to remind ourselves that it means nothing! If these ex's really wanted to be with us, they'd be doing more than checking a blog, myspace page or whatever. Silence is the best answer to this and most other mysteries here!

Coyote

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WS ive got cooltools on my faceparty and when the ex used to check up i was like why why what hmmmm oooo

 

it means sweet FA... they look to see if your dating status has changed...to see if youre faring better or worse in the break up stakes than they are...

 

just simple stuff like that

 

i agree with coyote that if they really wanted to make contact or the like, they'd be doing alot more than just reading some stupid profile about us ey!

 

it is intriguging at 1st but trust me it gets to a point of "whatever!!!"

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Thanks for the input guys and gals I'm not obsessing over it, really I'm not. I noticed something (and yes, I do realize it's not a sign or an indicator of any sort) off and wanted to get some ideas on it just because I'm still a n00b in some respects to how the EX functions in post breakup. By and large I don't think about the EX much but when something out of the ordinary occurs I do a double take and look carefully. This was one of those moments. Thanks for the assist.

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Well, just an outsider's guess, but I will say that a possibility for her going to those 2 pages would be that she misses you and what you two once had, and revisits it as a way of revisiting your love that you expressed to her at that point in your lives, and then the other page-you said she thought that you had a relationship with her after the two of you split-well maybe after getting sentimental over the lost love, she goes to view that other page as a way to ease her pain, to convince herself that you must not have loved her as much as she thought, and as much as you wrote, because how else could you fall for someone else so quickly? I may be completely off base and totally wrong...just a thought...take care buddy.

 

Haven't seen you in a bit, glad to get advice from you. Hope you're doing well.

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Been busy with the start of school-I am an Assistant Principal in an Elementary School, and it is extremely hectic at this time of the year-but I am getting on here as I am able, between some dating and fending off requests from the ex-wife...she emailed me tonight and called (I didn't answer) telling me she had cleared her schedule for me this weekend and that I should come over and, well, um, the rest is TRULY sure to be edited by the moderators on here And for those of you thinking I am very strong for doing so, really it's difficult, I'm a guy after all, but to do so would open up a huge can of worms,...patience, patience, patience, a good girl will come my way eventually I guess...So anyway, I am very glad to read that you are well my friend-stayt strong, it's ok and totally normal to wonder about this issue, and you will continue to be just fine...take care...Michael

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A vice-principal?!? Suddenly, I feel stressed out and my head is returning to my high school days sitting outside "The Office" and waiting to talk to the vice-principal. Head is spinning...

 

You are definitely strong, I don't know if I would have fared so well in your shoes.

 

When I think about how I felt last year during this time and now, it is the difference between night and day. I look back on how things were with the EX last year and the misery I was wallowing in and the spring in my step now, I can't believe I as like that only a few short months ago. I tell you, time if nothing else will dull that pain (that and a healthy dose of bare-knuckle sparring) will wash away that mental conundrum.

 

I am seeing someone, not seriously but it is moving along at a pace that were both comfortable with and I have no complaints. I still think about the EX but not everyday, she's like a phantom in my memory she comes and goes. I can actually smile about her when it happens and none of the aches accompany those thoughts. Three more months and it will be a year (that was my own NC Challenge to myself).

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Oh Wandering, always helping me through things without even possibly intending to. It's hard to think about time just healing everything as it's something that you can't speed up or cannot alter to see how things will go. But I'm already better than I was a month ago (as I know you read) - I cry now but I know a lot more things about how my ex is, what he's doing and how he said I was "holding him back" well it seems like his life was a lot better with me in it. I'm not making assumptions, but I just feel like I got the better half of this situation.

 

To be in a comfortable, mutual relationship (or whatever you would call your situation with this person) sounds lovely. Three more months and it will be a year, wow. I don't know what is going to happen with me - because right now I still have the urge to talk to him sometimes - but alas, time will tell me. I cannot know if and when I will talk to him or if I will not, I really do talk to myself everyday and just remind myself to focus on the present, it is the only thing I can control right now.

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