Does anyone else's ex do this?

[jettison]

I won't have talked to my ex in a week or two, and she'll send me an email as part of a group email. It's not a BCC, so I get see myself listed along side some of her other friends, some of her ex-friends (who she claims not to like anymore), her former stalker (who she now says is one of her best friends), and two of her other ex-BFs. And honestly, we're not exactly close right now.

 

I don't know why, but I find the CC emails a bit off-puting all things considered. Is it just me?

[Lana0120]

Depends what sort of e-mails she sends that way?

[LFG]

Jettison -

 

No, you are not the only one. I went into strict NC after my break up and a few months later my ex sent a group 'Happy Easter' e-mail where he bcc'd everybody. The most annoying part was how he started his message: "Dear Friends". As if it's all water under the bridge and we are all good friends! I ignored his e-mail.

 

Another couple of months passed and I was included on a second bcc e-mail. I also ignored it. Five days later he sent me a personal 'hello, how are things?' e-mail. It was only then that I decided to write him back and (politely) get off my chest all the things that I should have said before. I concluded my response saying that I could not be his friend and that he should only contact me again if it were to talk about reconcilliation. Two months have passed and I have never heard back from him.

 

My advice to you is to ignore her e-mails. She is very likely testing the waters, but not with the intent of getting back together. If she does want to get back together, she will make it very clear. Believe me. Hopefully she will get the message and remove you from her list. If she doesn't, and if receiving these e-mails annoy you, I'd write back to her a short and polite response asking her to remove you from her distribution list.

 

LFG

[Lana0120]

Thanks LFG, you've clarified that for me. Not very nice for you jettison. Agree with LFG.

[jettison]

It's hard for me to describe what I think of this. She is the queen of saying so very little in an email. Heck, I even get accused of doing that to friends, but it's nothing akin to this level. Even when we were dating, perfect, and madly in love, she wasn't much of a writer. I would write three paragraphs and she'd follow it with a single sentence. That's just her.

 

She is also the same person who has been going through health problems, is clinically depressed, complains that she can't keep any friends so.... I dunno. I guess I shouldn't be bothered by this. She is terrified of rejection, and terrified to reach out to people. It's her MO with all of her friends.

[LFG]

Jettison -

 

Read what you said about her:

 

1. She is also the same person who has been going through health problems, is clinically depressed, complains that she can't keep any friends.

 

2. She is terrified of rejection, and terrified to reach out to people.

 

Read these statements several times if necessary until they sink in. Now ask yourself: is this the kind of person you want to date? A loving relationship is supposed to bring joy, excitement (at least most of the time!) and help both individuals grow. It seems to me that she was an energy drainer. Right now you can't logically process these things because you are still under the spell. But the love spell will dissolve with time and as circumstances change in your life. You know why? Because our bodies get sick of being sickly in (unreciprocal) love.

 

Consider yourself blessed for not having to deal with her issues anymore! Be strong and hang in there because you will see light at the end of the tunnel. It may take time, but you will. I promise.

 

LFG

[desert_rose26]

I personally don't think it's such a big deal your ex sending you group emails. It just means that she still sees you as a friend. I'm just guessing here but it seems pretty innocent. it sounds like she wants to make things natural again and not awkward between the two of you. Not a big deal - also might be showing you that she's moved on.

[majord23]

Sorry to hi-jack the thread for a moment...but LFG, I think it's quite obvious that the bcc emails were sent to you, and only you.

[JadedStar]

It means she is too daft or lazy to remove you from her email group listing.

 

I hate those group emails by the way. Everyone and their brother does it and God knows who gets your email address that way.

[bubblyblonde11]

Thankfully no, mine doesn't

[LFG]

Desert_rose26 -

 

I think what you said is likely to be the case, but I still find it selfish of dumpers to send these e-mails for two reasons:

 

1. By trying to make things look natural, they are actually trying to remove their guilt for causing pain to another individual. The focus is not really on the dumpee but on the dumper himself. I think that it's always up to the dumpee to decide if and when to restablish any kind of contact with the dumper. Unless the dumper regretted his decision, he has to stay away and deal with the fact that friendship might never be a possibility.

 

2. The last thing a dumpee wants to hear or feel is that the dumper has moved on. We all know that dumpers move on pretty quickly, but it's tacky to subtly show that to the dumpee through these actions. Again, they are trying to show that there is no need for suffering and that we should all be happy friends. Sorry, too easy to say when you are not on the receiving end.

 

Majord23 -

 

That has definitely crossed my mind, but I will never know for sure.

 

LFG

[servedcold]

Hey Jetts, I think the brokenhearted world needs a humorously crafted dumper etiquette manual and you may be just the one to write it. Could probably get lots of collaboration here on ENA, forum copyright gods willing... the idea reminds me of an old hilarious P.J. O'Rourke book, "Modern Manners: an Etiquette Book for Rude People,"

 

Seriously, sorry you are going through this. Have had many people who have crapped on me in life try to weasel back with group emails and such, but not exGFs, so no, haven't experienced what you are going through.

 

My exes tend to bless me with such grand gestures of disrespect, lying and cheating and such, that they know better than to get back in contact. Gonna have to quit cruising the tabloid rack at the grocery store and go for a better grade of wimmenz next goround.

[Ripples]

She is a nutter! Count yourself lucky to be an ex and head for the hills.

[Jess...]

My ex sent a "group" email, and I was a part of the "group" which also consisted of people he had blocked on msn, people he didn't even talk to, and just random people. It was some stupid email about "make sure you tell people you care about them when you can, because they could be dead tomorrow" type thing. Goodness knows why he sent it to me?!?! We hardly talk anymore, and normally, he wouldn't send something like that in case I got the "wrong idea" and thought it meant he missed me. (I have no interest in him anymore by the way)

 

Meh, I dunno. I just sent a similar one back and included all the people I do know and talk to. Plus him. Just to be nice lol