Its been over a year and I still cant get on with my life

[BlondGuy]

Feeling really down today.

 

My ex called me to respond to an email that a sent a couple weeks ago.

I havent spoken to her in 8 months and decided to send her the email not to get back together with her but to let her know how much she hurt me.

 

The conversation didnt help me at all. She couldnt understand why I would be so angry/hurt and confused after spending 10 years together and her being able to meet someone 2 months after breaking up with me. She told me that she is really happy with the new person and sees a future with him. To me it doesnt make sense how someone could get over someone else so quickly. She claims its not a rebound but she seems really happy and I think she knows herself (I cant be 100% because Im not in her head).

 

I can not function as a person anymore.

I now suffer from panic attacks frequently.

I have tried to meet other women and actually have had women who want to sleep with me but I now suffer from impotence because Im so self conscience and have broken out in cold sweats when a women has physically touched me.

 

I am now in contact with the my first love. This was the person I was seeing before my ex and she wants to have a FWB relationship with me. I feel like this would help me become normal again but as you can see I cannot get over this wall that I have built up. She is getting frustrated and doesnt understand why I am the way I am. She is taking this as me not being attracted to her. I try to explain but its hard for her to understand. She tells me I just need to get over it. The question is how do I do this?

 

FYI, I take Xanax when I have really bad panic attacks and have considered commiting myself or going to counseling. I am seriosuly getting worried at how Im feeling. The thought of putting myself out there and taking the time to get to know someone scares me. I am not afraid of getting hurt again its just the whole courtship thing that I dont want to go through.

 

Please help!:sad:

[MarkD]

Stay strong. You can get through this...you WILL.

 

I am much like you...I am taking a medication called clonazepam for the panic attacks and I am in counseling right now. It does help. They really don't tell you anything you don't already know, but you have someone with experience and education listening and pointing out a few key points to help get you through the hard times.

 

I just keep telling myself that things will get better in time...just give it time. My "shrink" suggested a book called "The Power of Now". She said to just get through one day at a time...

[andy5128]

Hi Blondguy

 

Sorry to hear about your situation mate..

 

With regards to councelling etc you know what suits you best and if that is something that you feel will help then I would go for it..

 

Regarding meeting other people and so on, dont worry yourself that you feel you have to meet someone..it's not a race.. you will know when you are ready so dont put yourself under pressure here..

 

With the first love, if you really like her and you want something to develop there then being honest and open is the way to go. If she doesnt understand then maybe it's not for the best right now. If she does go with it, be honest with yourself and her as to what your feeling and what you want etc..

 

Hope it all works out mate..

 

Andy

[MarkD]

sorry..I just read your post again and realized it has been over 1 year so you are giving it time. I would say going to see someone might not be a bad idea to maybe help guide you through this.

 

Have you made any changes since the break up? For example, new friends..working out...new hobbies???

[BlondGuy]

MarkD

 

Yes, I have met some new friends last year but at my age (35) people have their own lives now so I dont have that friend support that I have had in the past. A lot of the people I met are now in relationships working different hours etc...

 

I also play soccer a couple times a week and swim and bike ride to improve myself.

 

This is what scares me so much, everything Im doing is positive and I really try to keep an optimistic outlook on life.

 

As I posted earlier I even tried meeting women but the ones I meet only want to sleep with me. I dont get this one at all???? I would love to meet someone who wants to actually go out on a date with me but I cant seem to find a woman who wants that? Even "my first love" doesnt want this? I offered to take her out but she just wants a booty call? So my dilemma is how can I meet someone who I can build a relationship with someone when everyone woman I met wants sex but no relationship. This is whats makes me so self conscience. I think to myself you will sleep with me but dont want to spend time with me.