Healthy way of thinking to help recover???

[MarkD]

I am looking for some advice.

 

Since I am having a hard time letting go of the thought that me and my ex could ever get back together..I was thinking of a way to get around this.

 

Both of us need to do some growing up and dealing with some issues before we could ever get back together in the first place. When she broke up with me, she said she is leaving it up to faith to see if we are meant to be.

 

I have been having an extremely hard time dealing with the rejection and keep holding on to the possible chance of her missing me and wanting to try and work things out together.

 

Instead of worrying about what may or may not happen in the future, I am thinking that if I take care of myself (get my own place, continue with my workouts, save some money, possibly new car, and deal with personal issues) if I concentrate on those things...I will either be better and be able to move on, or at that point fate will bring us back together.

 

My point is that I can hope for the best (that we get back together) but at the same time, not mope around and feel so down and depressed, and take care of myself.

 

It's kinda like tricking my own mind!

[andy5128]

Hi Mark

 

Good plan mate..

 

The key right now is to look after number one..YOU

 

Do what makes you feel good and you enjoy and so on and it sounds like you have that covered already. When it comes to hope, that's fine. What is important is not putting your life on hold hoping for something thay may or may not happen. Desire is good but NEEDING someone e.g. your EX is a NO NO..!

 

The other key here is no expectations, yes your hope that sometime you may reconcile but dont set the bar high and have expectations.. If it happens then it will happen..

 

Stick with doing what you are doing and you will be fine mate..

 

Andy

[MarkD]

thanks Andy.

 

I might sound like I have things in order right now, but I am just having a good moment in the day so I am running with it! I am on a serious emotional rollercoaster...

 

I am just trying to find a way of moving on, and getting better without having to tell myself over and over that I will NEVER be with my ex again. I am just thinking this way, I can "hope" we get back together, but work on myself and try to keep my mind busy. At this point, I am just having the hardest time thinking of spending my life with any other woman then my ex.

[andy5128]

Mark

 

How long since the split, it sounds quite raw still..

 

It will be a rollercoaster, trust me still on mine but feel I am at the final straight...it does get better as time goes by..

 

Here is my summary and what has helped me..

 

No contact.. did the LC, did the meet sometime after to be friends and it didnt work for me back then.. So NC until you feel comfortable with any contact at all friends or otherwise.

 

Get down the gym and improve yourself, something positive to do, keeps you busy and you feel and look better for it. I go 4 nights a week now and have been since about March.

 

Join some groups for things you like doing, it will again keep you busy, something you enjoy doing and also a chance to meet and get on with new people. I joined a hiking group and it's great..

 

Get out with friends and family and enjoy yourself..

 

Try new things, challenge yourself, done speed-dating, done mountain biking, done mountain climbing and so on..

 

The key for me was keeping busy especially early on, then as time goes by you start to feel better anyhow.. So get out there and enjoy yourself and I know it's a cliche when you feel down and fed up but it does help..

 

Andy

[MarkD]

It is still quite raw. We originally split up 3 months ago while we were still talking to see if we were going to work on the relationship. It's been 3 weeks of NC but she has been on vacation and gets back next week, so thats when its going to be really hard.

[andy5128]

Good work with the 3 weeks NC, you will be fine next week. Plan a busy, fun filled week to get you through it..

 

Andy

[just M.E.]

Mark, the best advice I ever gave anyone and need to always remember for myself:

Do what helps you grow, makes you happy, if it moves you and her closer together it was meant to be. If you and her eventually move apart you have done in life what is bringing you to a better place, you have grown. Sometime this process has the very pleasant effect of making you more attractive to your partner.