need help.text from ex

[hisgirl0507]

just wanted to share this text i received after asking my ex if he was still coming up to visit.It read........

 

"yeh but maybe we shouldnt meet when i come up.I dont think we could meet up without having sex and you said it could mess with your head.x"

 

it was sent a couple of hours ago and i havent responded yet.When i first read it i was angry for about an hour because i know its terrible to say this but he at least owes me this if only for a proper goodbye which he never gave me when he left last time.Now i just feel upset but i do think that he will end up meeting me and is just sending this to see what my reaction will be and if i will change my mind.

 

Would also like to share this text i received from him a week ago(was gna post but havent had time).it read.......

 

"babe i want u to know that i am in........ with my mates for the night and i am walking along the pier by myself,it reminds me of our times togetejhr.would u come travelling with me?i am not ready for this life and i miss u.xx"

 

i never got to reply to this message cos my phone had been switched off for a few days and he sent me another text since then.

 

its completely confusing for this to happen and him to do a complete 180 in a week.Do you guys think he has just sent this text to see how i will react?And do you think he still intends to meet me but is trying to see if by sending this it will make me give in to him?

[Gratsy]

Jeez he sounds like a jerk.

[Princess18]

People who mess you round are not worth your time. I know its not what you want to hear but some things on here can really change your life. They are so selfish that they only want you when it suits them. Ex's who say things like that are trying not to lose you but still have their freedom at the same time. This doesnt work. If you text back you're giving him what he wants and only prolonging the time it will take you to get over him.

 

If you want to avoid feeling terrible then don't even think about a proper goodbye. It will only upset you more.

 

Keep strong.

[Rochelle]

I've got an ex that does similiar stuff....he would say nice things to lure me in and then when i don't give him a reaction (in your case your phone was off so couldn't but he didn't know that) he resorts to being immature and getting mean or angry w/ me...

 

i get that type of hot/cold treatment too...i think everyone's right, when they are acting sweet and then go cold it's because they are not getting the reaction they think they should and i think it is also true that they want their freedom one minute and then miss you and all and all it's confusing to you and w/ them keeping us strung along it can ensure you won't go too far away in case they change their mind....

 

It's very selfish and you deserve better...Just ignore him....or tell him to get lost for that matter since he is trying you and messing w/ your feelings.

 

your ex and mind clearly don't care enough about how what they say effects us, so let's not give into the children's tantrums...they need to grow up.

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

guys can love you one week and say they miss you and then the next week they want their space. they are fickle like that. sometimes they say one thing and then realize a couple days later that they screwed up and not feel like that anymore.

 

it sounds like last week he missed you and wanted to see you and this week. he realized he has to see you and is trying to make you angry so it gives him a chance to not see you. i think he knew by sending this message will make you angry that he isn't even going to see you to say bye. I think it's being a coward of him to txt you that and not say it to you.

 

i think you should talk to him and see how things go from there.

[Clabs]

Hey hisgirl

 

I was right about my assupmtion before that he ONLY wanted to come up and see you for sex. And again, at least he was honest about that.

 

What is he up to now? He probably is lonely and part of him misses you, but he doesn't want a relationship with you. People use the tactic that is being dealt out to you as a very selfish and cowardly way of getting over their other halves. They string you along - like on a fishing line. They send an upbeat message that gives you a scrap of hope and then when you cling to that hope and respond in a keen way, they go colder and real you out again. You pull back so another scrap gets thrown your way - rinse repeat.

 

The end result, if you allow this behaviour to continue is that a few weeks/months down the line, he will be over you and you will be left high and dry - an emotional shipwreck.

 

If you refuse to play his game and just ignore him, he will likely get angry that you stopped being his emotional crutch. He will probably push his guilt your way by calling you selfish, mean, hard, whatever. But it is just that - him wanting to offload his guilt for the extremely shoddy way he has treated you.

 

I agree with Rochelle - don't just ignore him - tell him to $od off - then ignore him.

 

You deserve so much more than this jerk has to offer you. Don't stand by and accept this cr@ppy treatment - take some control back here - be your own boss.

 

Take care honey - and be strong - you CAN do this.

 

Mark

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

Mark is right... he is a guy and guys know more about guys than girls do. It's harsh to think this guy only wants to meet up with you for sex but there are bad guys out there.

 

you sound like a smart girl but just needed more support to get the courage to tell this guy off.

 

you are a strong beautiful person. don't let anyone make you feel like crap

[hisgirl0507]

thanks for the replies.its been almost 2 days since he sent the text,im thinking of sending this to him............

 

Yes, you are right, it is better if I don't see you if that is all you are interested in seeing me for. I hope you have a nice trip.x

 

what do you guys think?send,rephrase or leave it?

[hisgirl0507]

hi still havent replied but was just wondering if it would be too late to send that text now?also i am paranoid that he has been on his visit this weekend.do you think he would still tell me when he was coming up to visit?

[CatsMeeoow]

I have found that you can not read a lot into a text or email. You cannot hear the context or tone in an email.

 

My ex might write something to me and I'm totally bummed - I read WAY too much into it (I'm interpeting something he wasn't implying.)

 

What happens - I get hurt... maybe I send a stupid response back... then everything spirals out of control.

 

This is classic mis-communication. Looking back on some contacts with my ex when we were together - I should have just stepped up to the plate and said what/how something made me feel. Inside tiny little hurts began to stack up until this unstable wall collapsed. Now I know I read things that he never intended.

 

Bottom line - Do you want to see him? Will you be able to see him and not have sex and be okay? If you see him and have sex will you be okay?

 

If you answer YES - then just let him know that you'd still like to meet up for coffee/drink if he is in town - unless you're part of an elite group you're not going to be having sex in public.

 

Be honest with yourself. Then be honest with him. If you are confused by his text then tell him so. Don't expect him to know what you are reading into the text. That will just perpetuate the miscommunication.

 

I'm not defending any slimey emails here - if you are confused just state such.

 

I've been there and I'm no expert. That's just what I would do.

[rokston]

it's very difficult to second guess somebody who's clearly confused about what they want. it sounds like he's action on impulse - when he misses you he's in, when he's unsure he out. not a good basis for a rel.

 

i would not bother replying to his last text. it's not too late but it is pointless and it brings you down by responding to a completely stupid message. if he'd changed his mind about seeing you he could at least have had the decency to call you and explain himself.

 

if you choose to have contact with him, just make sure you do it on terms that are acceptable to you. set limits to how much messing around you will take and stick to them!!