Broke down and contacted her...

[milesaway]

Crap it was a bad mistake. I thought I may be able to handle it but I just took 10 steps back. This is a difficult break up. I have broken up with others in the past and never have I missed anyone this much. I think i fell in love for the first time.

[Hyru]

need more info for some sort of advice...

 

Contacting ex's doesnt usually do you well, amigo. Usually after you hangup, you feel like youve handed your testicals over to her only for her to stomp on them

[darkpumpkin]

Yes for the next little bit do whatever you can possibly do to not contact her. Not for any other reason then you may have been in love and now that it is over you need to heal the loss of it.

 

Contacting an ex is like a momentary fix. Feels good secs after, hour later your banging your head agains the wall thinking what have I done.

 

Try to remember that when you feel the urge.

 

stay strong.

[JeckyllNHyde]

you did it once. don't beat yourself up over it, just keep this feeling in mind the next time you feel the urge. learn from this mistake and just don't do it again.

[milesaway]

She broke up with me about a month ago. Although, we did speak last week and I thought it went well. I called today and asked her if she thinks we could possibly get together and try and work things out. She just said I am not going into this right now (she was on her way to work). She said she will call me when she is done at work. Although, her tone told me everything she is prepared to tell me.

[Clabs]

Hey milesaway!

 

Try not to beat yourself up here - what is done is done. You touched the lightbulb and it burnt you - you will learn from this.

 

It is so tough when you break with someone you thought was "the one". There is temtation to over-invest and pile all your eggs in one basket. Trip and fall and boy what a fall. I think that this is why some breaks are so much harder than others.

 

But - what is over is over. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Start over with NC and use this new found knowledge of what happens if you break it to stick to your guns this time.

 

Mark

[jettison]

Crap it was a bad mistake. I thought I may be able to handle it but I just took 10 steps back. This is a difficult break up. I have broken up with others in the past and never have I missed anyone this much. I think i fell in love for the first time.

 

Has anyone ever stopped to think that we contact people all the time, and we have a nice time or a nice chat, then we go on about our lives. An ex is just a person. They have the same feelings, the same expectations, the same disappointments... I'm thinking collective unconsciousness here.

 

I know it's easier said then done, but we seem to go into contact with these HUGE expectations, like we're going to have some kind of epiphany or something, or better still, the ex is going to have an epiphany and tell you all those things you always wanted to hear. So, when you see him/her and it's just a normal, everyday, human being with their own lives and their own problems and their own frustrations, you become turned off and put out. But why? It's no different then anyone else.

 

If we were better at just being in the moment, and appreciating that very moment for what it is, we could make things work out a little bit better.

 

Ok, that was my logical side. The other side of me wants to smack that guy and say what the hell are you doing!? But I wouldn't say that. Seems like most of us are terrible at NC because when you step back from it, and can judge it from a distance, it all seems so terribly absurd.

[Rochelle]

Jettison makes a valid point. I've recently begun to see my ex as just some guy...in fact he's not even a good catch! I can't believe i've been able to admit that outloud....well in writing anyway!

 

When i saw him recently, although it shook me up a bit, I have to admit as much as i worried and freaked at the prospect of seeing him again after 3 months, once i did it, he was more nervous then i was!!!

 

In fact, i was so proud of how calm and normal i was able to be. Admittedly, I was nervous as could be, but I just remembered that this guy broke my heart, has more excuses as to why it's someone else's fault or why he can never pay his bills then anyone i've ever met, and wasn't even good in bed!!! LOL....i know that's personal but hey, it helps me whenever i think of him being intimate w/ someone else!

 

Seeing him as this nervous, pill popping, excuse giving, lesser person then I w/ his own issues that are HIS and have nothing to do w/ ME...which is what we do...blame ourselves for being inadequate in some way and let our self-worth suffer greatly when we've been dumped...it's helped to see him in the harsh light of reality.

 

He's just a guy,w/ a lot hang ups and flaws and i've been bleeding my heart out in silent agony all these months for what again????

 

Thanks Jettison for the insight and point you made...

 

Milesaway...maybe you're not there yet...and probably really aren't but think more on the flawed mortal that she really is and stop putting her on some romantic pettistool of perfection....it helps to know they have issues...I mean hey...in my case...he's way worse off then i could ever be and now i have an opportunity to find someone stable and w/ way less issues and excuses!!!

 

Good luck...