Am I ruining my career?

[evr]

I have a stable job that would be a big shame to leave. But i'm unhappy here, mostly because my ex broke up with me over 2 months ago. When she was with me, I had lots of fun at my job, now every day I fight to not come off as depressed as I am. (I'm very depressed and worry about my effect on co-workers).

That said, I spoke to my manager about moving and working offsite from 2 hours away. My plan is so I could be closer to my ex if she ever changes her mind and also have the freedom to take classes at a college in this new area which i lived in before and love to live in. Even if my ex didn't take me back, i'd be much happier being alone in this new city/area.

Asking my manager may have been a mistake. He said that was not possible, and now he knows that I'm unhappy in this city and would be happy 2 hours away from here (I have a huge love for that area and planned to move there with my ex this year, but she just up and left me and moved there on her own).

So, i'm close with my manager, but now he feels like this job is 'holding me back'.

did i start the ball rolling in favor of me losing my job? i don't want to lose my job, but i have a HUGE gut instinct and PUSH to quit and move out from here.

Do you think that may be me being delusional through this breakup?

[Lana0120]

Look at why you want to leave. If it's purely because of your GF, don't leave. If you think you have ruined your chances, then I would say jump before you're pushed.

[tylercdurden2004]

I My plan is so I could be closer to my ex if she ever changes her mind

 

That is about as bad a plan as you can come up with. Did you tell your manager this part?

[evr]

hello all,

tylerdurden2004, i think i did tell my manager this, although i am fairly close with him and i asked him if this could be kept 'off the record'.

lana0120, i want to do this for myself, but also a huge part of is for my GF, so i am a bit confused.

these two posts helped me clear things up a little. i hope i didn't ruin my job as well now...

[Lana0120]

If you're friendly with your manager and he has agreed to keep it off the record, as long as you put these issues to the back of your mind and continue doing a great job, I don't see that you will have ruined your chances of advancement. Just come back better than ever! If you do decide to leave your job, don't move near your ex! It's the worst thing you could do!

[Konarmi]

I can see where you're coming from.

 

You have to remember your ex isn't taking you back? is she calling? is she giving you any signs? She left you for a reason. Ask her if she moved on or not. I'm not trying to be harsh and if it's coming accross that way I apologize.

 

I'm sort of in the same situation except I'm still with my gf.. when we fight she has the ability to completely forget about it until she has time to deal with it.. I on the other hand can't.. I literally sit infront of my monitor and do nothing for 5 hours until it dawns on me I have a ton of work too do. I've reached the point where I'm numb to any fights, issues or whatever. I literally used to get sick to my stomach from the stress of arguing with her.... no one deserves that.

 

Focus on what you liked about your job and go from there.

Also, ask her if she even wants you back.. or if you do for that matter.

[rokston]

don't worry, what's done is done and i think you have not ruined your chances of career progression. managers tend to be pretty understanding nowadays..

 

as far as moving somewhere to be closer to you ex. that really is a terrible, awful, crazy, masochistic idea... REALLY!!!

 

if after this blows over and you are over your ex, you still want to move there then go ahead. but right now, you would be doing it for very wrong reasons! don't do it!

[evr]

lana0120, i understand what you are saying. i have this huge gut feeling to do this and i don't know if i should trust it because i think it may be fueled mostly for my ex. i have this belief that she will be impressed that i did this and find me attractive and exciting again and come back to me.

at the same time, i also know that i will be very happy in this area, since both her and i used to live there and have been planning to move back there for 6 years.

time is an issue though, and i think i ran out of time. i have to sign up for classes to take my mind off of things and i don't think it can work now.

konarmi, i am still in contact with my ex, but i only let her call or email me first. i get to see her on the weekends and i hang out with her and her mom. i wish i could have her to myself, but things are what they are now and i have an amazing time with them, so i'm not pushing things for now. although she has told me that she doesn't love me and i should move on.

[sun]

I can only share my experience, I quit a good job opportunity to get away from the memories from my ex. I can't tell you how much I regret it. Because I don't like my job in the new company.....

[agent1607307371]

i have this belief that she will be impressed that i did this and find me attractive and exciting again and come back to me.

 

 

She will think you are a stalker who doesn't respect her wishes to not be with you.

 

Don't work from dreams that have no future anymore. You haven't ruined anything at work, but I think you have to stop letting her contact you as it is ruining your chances at progessing in life.

[evr]

i know, guys--

but i don't know why i keep seeing a bright future for me in this new area, and staying here feels like death-like i'm letting my life shut down and will go nowhere if i stay here. there are many signs, but i don't know if i should act on them.

in the new place i see meeting new exciting people that i respect and can make good connections with, over here, i hate this city and don't really respect people that live here. so, if i met some new friends, i wouldn't respect them if they live here or if they are from here.

[rokston]

i know, guys--

but i don't know why i keep seeing a bright future for me in this new area, and staying here feels like death-like i'm letting my life shut down and will go nowhere if i stay here. there are many signs, but i don't know if i should act on them.

in the new place i see meeting new exciting people that i respect and can make good connections with, over here, i hate this city and don't really respect people that live here. so, if i met some new friends, i wouldn't respect them if they live here or if they are from here.

 

it seems a little harsh to brand everyone in a city in the same bracket. also to take the stance that you do not respect people based on where they are from is a bit off for me... perhaps you are confused at this point in time?

[tylercdurden2004]

lana0120, i don't know if i should trust it because i think it may be fueled mostly for my ex.

 

If this is the case then my idea would be to sit on it for a while. I would start no contact with this girl and work at moving on in your life. Then when you feel comfortable that the decision is for you and you only then decide.

 

I understand missing the ex and all. I have missed my exes sometimes I still do.

 

What I cannot conprehend though is making decisions based on exes. You are not alone in this one. Many people seem intent on letting their exes run their lives well after the fact. Its appears to me that some people are not comfortable taking control and responsibility for their lives and want other to do so.

 

What do you think about taking control of your life?

[evr]

when we lived in the other area, we had wonderful friends and contacts, after 6 years of living here we never met any good friends. any good people we met here don't like this city. it got us very depressed, and so we wrote off the city. it's a boring sleepy city, trust me.

and yes, maybe i should take more control of my life. but right now i'm so confused and that thought scares me, since i have no idea what i'm doing now and can't trust myself. i just signed up for 2 classes at a local school and instead of feeling happy, i feel choked like someone strapped me down in this city and i'll never leave.

i'm so confused, but possibly it's not wise to trust myself in this state.

to let you know, i've been excercising and driving around visiting places to keep myself active. it hardly helps, but i know i'd be much worse without doing this.

[tylercdurden2004]

I think its reasonable to move on if you dont like where you live. You have stuck it out for a few years and realize it isnt for you. I would be looking at where you want to live.

 

I wouldnt however make decisions based on her.