Should I send this e-mail?

[Haleylyn]

I'm going to send this to him. What a pathetic wimp I am!

 

A,

I have all of your things packed and out in the garage (including the weight bench). I’ll plan on you showing up tomorrow night, feel free to bring Orlando, but I would help you lift the weight bench into your truck if he can’t make it.

 

I want to thank you for the past 2+ years. You were a true gentleman to me and I think we shared some fun times. You were an excellent traveling companion (from New Orleans to Ireland to California). I really appreciate the yard work (and the cleaning) and I certainly didn’t mean to take you for granted. You are an excellent listener and had some really great suggestions. I enjoyed goofing off, hiking/ biking/ kayaking/ snowboarding/ photography, doing house projects together, cuddling on the couch, and taking showers together. When you used to put your head on my lap and I would run my fingers through your hair…

 

Look, this breakup is difficult as I imagined spending my life with you. You will make a wonderful father and husband someday (I can tell by how great you are with Ryan!) I went through a lot of emotions prior to getting engaged. I was very concerned about your relationship with your family and the fact that you never lived on your own. But I really thought about my fears and what you meant to me. The fact that you were close with your family was very attractive. I would love to have that strong family bond with my own children. Although I knew that religion was a potential issue, I didn’t give it much thought because I figured that we could use techniques that other inter-religious marriages had used in order to work through those differences.

 

I imagined that your parents would eventually accept me. I remember that you told me when you took up hang gliding they were extremely opposed to your flying because they were concerned about your well being. But then after a period of time, they accepted that you were committed to the sport.

 

I am actually doing quite well, you should realize that I am a strong person, or else I wouldn’t have gotten where I am in my life. I am a capable, self-reliable, independent woman who has gone through a lot of challenges in her life and understands her capabilities. I know when to rely on friends and family for support or a listening ear and when I can be self comforting. I am disappointed that you have been sharing my personal life with other people. The fact that I take sub-critical doses of medicine is a personal one. In doing research, I truly believe that this will not be an issue in my life, including having children. In our conversations it seems that you are painting a picture of me as a completely unstable person who isn’t able to keep control of her emotions, now or in the future (after having kids). This is hurtful to me and completely improbable as I have demonstrated in my life my drive and willpower. Yes, I am a sensitive person who lets things bother her, but I am able to overcome my feelings and accomplish whatever needs to be done! I understand myself and what I (and my body) needs.

 

So right now, I am focusing on myself. What makes me happy! I’m having good times with friends and family and catching up on my physical and mental health. This is a great opportunity for me to evaluate my career, where I want to go and who I want to become.

 

I miss our phone conversations (talking to you first thing in the morning and last at night). I miss our bedtime rituals – you falling asleep on the couch – telling you to have sweet dreams – you telling me not to dream! Taking vacations together, enjoying fine meals and wine. Went to the comedy club tonight – you would have thought this one woman was hilarious! I wish that we had gone horseback riding/ camping/ traveled more and that I had taken more time to show you how special you are to me.

 

At this point in time, being in contact with you is hurtful to me and is pointless because we are not getting back together. I now realize that not continuing our relationship may be best for me as well. Maybe at some point in the future, we could 'work on' being friends, because I do value your friendship. But right now, I need to focus on my top priority – myself and my happiness!

 

-Haley

[Lana0120]

First and last paragraphs are great (with the first sentence of the second paragraph in there maybe). Why don't you just send those?

[Clabs]

Hey Haley

 

Lana is right here - just the first and last paragraphs for the time being - get his stuff gone first.

 

Take care honey.

 

Mark

[freudj2000]

My vote would be not to send this to him. I know it hurts very much but this email will not help the situation at all. If this guy shared your personal info with others and painted an unfair picture of you, he does NOT deserve the attention. Nobody here knows 100% what happened between you too, but I personally believe regardless of how the relationship was, both parties are obliged to be respectful to each other and he is not being respectful. How will you feel if you don't get a response to this email or get a negative response? I think the satisfaction from sending this email will be short lived.

My best wishes for you

[jettison]

If you're not trying to get him back, and you're really admitting that the relationship is over, then definitely send it. You have nothing to lose, and the words are really for you anyway. Send it/don't send it... what's the difference? They are just words.

 

However, if your aim is to get him back, then don't send it.

[russ978]

I agree with Lana and Clabs.

 

Convey a small amount of information in the initial communication with him post-breakup.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this but it sounds like you have the right approach and by no means are a wimp.