insecure246 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 i've been having a really rough time with things the last several months. i've been on here before talking about killing myself. i've been a cutter for over a year, though i havent done it in 2 months. I want to. I tried to hang myself a few days ago but couldnt do it. It scared me.Because it was so peaceful and felt like i was just drifting off to sleep.But I thought of my 18 month old son and how my suicide wouldnt stop my pain, it would just transfer to him and he would have problems with his dad killing himself and wondering if it was his fault etc.i cant do that to him. i've been in therapy for a year. i tried to jump off a building once and my friends had to restrain me. my therapist tried to have me check myself into a psychiatric hospital but i didnt want to go so i told her what she wanted to hear, that i was fine, even though it wasnt true. i've been on lexapro for a year. i was up to 40 mg and i felt it wasnt working. so i stopped taking it in june. since then i have crashed and i feel like my whole world is collapsing around me. i dont have the desire to get out of bed and do anything. and if i do i get really hyper for a while and i'm fun then i get anxiety ridden and have panic attacks etc. last night i decided to start back on my meds. all night i was up feeling nauseous and i feel really shaky and jittery. i have alot of bad ideas in my head and im feeling pretty crazy and unstable. i dont want to do something stupid. i love my son and i want to be here for him. i feel like ive lost control though. and im scared. ive been thinking about checking myself into the behavioral health hospital but im afraid that it will mess up my work situation and that i'll get out and be more stressed than i am now.... i dont know what to do... Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Keep up with therapy and keep on your meds, if you feel they're not working, go back to your doctor, and ask them if you can change them. Please don't hurt yourself, nor you baby! Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 ive been thinking about checking myself into the behavioral health hospital but im afraid that it will mess up my work situation and that i'll get out and be more stressed than i am now.... i dont know what to do... I think that is a fantastic idea! I really do. They can help you work out something with work. It might be a change, and it might not be everything you would like for it to be work-wise, but your health is so important! When you are in there, you will have access to such a wealth of resources you won't/so difficult to have when you are out in the work world and trying to raise a family. My gosh. That is such a lot of stress, it's totally understandable. Long term : it is clear you want to be a good father for you child. You want to be there. I think going to get all your affairs in order is a wonderful step to doing that. Will it cost you to go check in? Are you worried about the money? Link to comment
insecure246 Posted August 23, 2007 Author Share Posted August 23, 2007 My insurance should cover it. I think I'm going to go check in. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 That sure beats leaving your son without his daddy forever, doesn't it? Good call, man. Very good call. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Good. Glad you have the insurance. That makes it an even easier decision. Yes. Good call. How long will it take for you to get in? Is there anything you need to do first? Link to comment
insecure246 Posted August 23, 2007 Author Share Posted August 23, 2007 I'm going to talk to my therapist about it. She tried to get me to go before so she should know what i need to do. Thanks for listening guys. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Don't forget to keep us posted! We like happy endings, and I predict one here. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Ditto for me what SomeBloke said. It sounds like you have a good set up for this to work out great. Hope to hear a follow up. Link to comment
insecure246 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Share Posted August 30, 2007 well i went in that day and check myself in. i just got out today. turns out i'm bipolar and have borderline personality disorder. before they just tried to say i had depression. now i'm on the right meds and i feel great! i learned a lot in the hospital and feel like everythings gonna be okay now. thanks a lot for listening and encouraging me to go!! =) Link to comment
Lauren...300 Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 That's great. I really hope you can start feeling better about your life and yourself soon. Link to comment
Spugly Fuglet Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 Beathy who used to be on here a lot pointed me to this book "Self Help for your Nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes It saved my life, in that book it tells you just what a nervous breakdown is where it comes from and how to stop it and never have one again. Its an easy read, no big words from docs just the truth about things. get it and read it, if what hes talking about in there is you then read on and you will find a way to sout it out. For me it saved my life it really did. Link to comment
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