Unplanned Pregnancy

[staples123]

Hi...I just happened to come upon this website after googling to find a website to help me cope with this...I'm 25 years old and I am about 9 weeks pregnant. It was not planned at all and my bf of about 3 months and i were very shocked. We had used the morning after pill but it did not work.

 

After finding out about the pregnancy my bf and i decided to keep the baby and agreed to raise it together. He and I live in different states (midwest and west coast) and we decided that one of us would move. We made many plans and were excited. About 6 weeks into the pregnancy I started to get major mood swings and would get angry and frustrated out of nowehre. I heard that it was a normal part of being pregnant and that it was hormones. I think that with the combination of hormones and my own worries and stress caused me to lash out at my bf. I was mean to him and said some horrible things to him. None of which I really meant. He took it for a week or week an a half but then decided that he no longer could. He is very very angry at me and can not understand that I didn't mean it and that it was hormones.

 

It's been about 3 weeks since my mood swings started...they are now pretty much gone...but now he has been hurt and angered and can not get over it. He has told me that he no longer wants to live together and raise the child together. He told me that either I raise it alone...and he will support it financially and will be in the childs life when and however he can...or to terminate the pregnancy. He has been very unforgiving and angry at me. I can hear it in his voice...and how he speaks to me...He hardly wants to speak to me...I can understand his anger...there were times when I swore at him...said mean things...threatened him...and gave him ultimatums...I guess he felt trapped and cornered by me. I know that I was wrong in my way of dealing with this...and I have apologized and have asked him to forgive me...but he just can't. We've decided to terminate the pregnancy but I'm uncomfortable with the decision. I'm actually not comfortable with either one of the choices...raise the child alone...or terminate the pregnancy. I feel that this is a choice that I just can not make. I'm depressed and sad about how he has abandoned me...I regret the way I've been to him...I wish that he would give us another chance. He thinks that we'll just be miserable.

 

I am torn and confused. My family wants me to keep it...my friends tell me that this is a decision I alone need to make...which I know...but I just don't know...I've been very physically ill from this pregnancy and stressed and worried and sad and depressed...I've set up an appointment to meet with a psychologist next week and with my pastor...

 

Any advice will help. Thank you.

[ButterflyWrists]

Can you meet with your "childs" father, and talk about it with him. And get hold of some information, to show it was the pregnancy making you like this, if he see' strong hard facts, then he may change his mind a little. Remember, you have a few more weeks before having to make the ultimaition.

I hope things will work out for you

 

GG

[Jen5283]

Your boyfriend(ex) might just need some space from you to deal with everything. He's going through a lot as well.

 

I know that you are stressed out, but you can not use that as an excuse to lash out at people! (Especially loved ones!)

 

I have gone through two EXTREMELY stressful pregnancies, and I never treated anyone like that because of hormones.

 

If you think there is a chance that your ex will come around, then you must show him that you will be patient and loving. I don't mean begging for forgiveness either. That just puts pressure on him.

 

I think you should tell him that if that's what he wants to do then that is his decision, but you would like to be with him. Tell him how things would be different. Show him that you are different. Let him go.

 

I am sorry that you feel abandoned. I know it's tough.

 

You sound like you really want the baby regardless of what he wants. Don't let him make the decision for you.

 

I think you should keep the baby and make the best of your life.

 

You will get through it!

[staples123]

Thank you...He is actually coming here next week to go through the process of terminating the pregnancy...I'm hoping that during that time we will be able to reconnect. Being long distance has made it even harder. I just don't know if he will ever change his mind at this point...

[BornToResist]

Thank you...He is actually coming here next week to go through the process of terminating the pregnancy...I'm hoping that during that time we will be able to reconnect. Being long distance has made it even harder. I just don't know if he will ever change his mind at this point...

 

You're terminating?

 

If you are unsure and don't want to do that, then don't. This is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life and please make sure it's one you want.

[Jen5283]

Are you considering terminating the pregnancy so you and him can get back together?...to please him?

[staples123]

No. If this pregnancy is terminated I do not see us together. I am considering it because I am not sure whether I can be a single parent.

[Jen5283]

It won't be easy to be a single parent, but many women do it.

 

You can too.

 

Don't you have family and friends to support you?

[BornToResist]

You can be a single parent.

 

I too came on this site lost and pregnant, considering abortion. But someone told me I could be happy...I could keep my baby...I didn't have to make the choice that my partner laid in front of me, which was keep the baby and stay with him, or break up and terminate.

 

Today I have a happy, healthy, wonderful 6 month old baby boy and am single.

 

You can do it if you want to.

 

I'm not trying to sway your decision in any other direction than what YOU want. Either way, it is your choice. YOU can do whatever you want.

[staples123]

I do have family and friends that will be supportive...but I don't want to be a burden on them...and I just don't think that it would be the same without him. I never imagined that I would ever have to be a single parent...and I wouldn't want my child to miss out on growing up with both parents.

[Mavis VDSande]

No. If this pregnancy is terminated I do not see us together. I am considering it because I am not sure whether I can be a single parent.

 

Even if you get back together with your ex, you have only been dating for 3 months. What if, down the line he gets upset again and threatens to leave you and your baby to survive alone? Or packs up and leaves?

 

I know you upset him, but he's asking you to make a serious choice here, and he's backed you into a corner it seems to terminate or go single parent.

 

Please understand that you cannot because of this rely on him. If you wish to have your baby your family will be there and they will support you, you won't be on your own.

 

Good Luck!

[Jen5283]

You shouldn't feel like a burden to people that love you and want the best for you.

 

Loved ones are supposed to be there for us in our time of need.

 

Try to look at it this way...

 

Will you regret your decision if you go through with termination?

 

Probably

 

Will you regret your decision if you keep your baby and become a great mother?

 

Doubt it

[ButterflyWrists]

Hey, I was bought up with just my mum, and life has been just as good as it would with both parents, i still have the same choices i'd have had with my dad still in the picture..

 

Something else.. He could die, and you'd be left as a single parent anyway.

Don't take the abortion yet, if you're not sure you want it.

You family have told you to keep it, they dont mind helping out. You wont be being a burden, I'm sure they'd like lots of little children to coo over..

 

Dont let him make you choose.. and you wont be single forever

[Lana0120]

It sounds to me like you want to keep this baby and that you don't want to lose your man. Unfortunately, if he won't listen to you when you state that you had severe mood swings and you're fine now, I don't see that there's much that you can do about him. So, I'd say, if you want this baby - you CAN do it alone. It isn't easy, but I've known lots of people who have done it, and it works out. Especially in your case as you have a supportive family and friends around you. Whilst I would say that you want to keep the baby and that you may regret an abortion (check out some of the abortion posts on here - some girls find this an extremely difficult decision to live with), that at the end of the day, it is your decision and it has to be independent of friends, family and your boyfriend.

[amtjrtcet]

To the op....I understand you're scared about being a single parent, but please think long and hard about what you're considering. Terminating the pregnancy would be something you will have to live with forever.

 

I became pregnant last month. It was not planned, but after 7 wks I began to accept it. My b/f is very loving and supportive, but still-it was very scary since we are not married and he could back out at any time.

 

I lost the baby on the 14th. I never realized that I could hurt so much by losing someone I'd never even met. I could never imagine terminating the babies life by my own choice.

 

You CAN do it-be a single mom. It won't be easy, but you CAN.

[forgiveand4get]

There is always adoption you know. I've been going through a similar situation and you would not believe how many people mentioned adoption. I don't believe that it is for me but it's a better option (in my opinion) than to have an abortion. At least this way you will have more time to consider being a single parent, and if you feel that towards the end of your pregnancy you just can't do it, then there is a family out there that would LOVE to have a baby.

 

It's just a thought.

 

best of luck though. Please don't make a decision about you and our baby based on a guy. If I had done that, I would be regretting the biggest mistake of my life.

 

Remember your family is there for you no matter what. You are never a burden. YOU'RE FAMILY =)

 

 

*hugs*