Question for men out there who have cheated

[puppeteer]

rosy...

 

he's lying. he is having an affair with you..sexual or not.

 

he may not be sleeping with her...but it is his WIFE.

 

he made a solemn commitment to HER. not you.

 

you are expendable...you are nothing to him if he gets caught.

 

he will try to save his marriage rather than save his relationship with you.

 

stop trying to convince yourself that he is a good guy. he could swear on his kids, his dead parents, on god himself...

 

he has no ethics or morality...he is cheating...which clearly show's where those things fall on his list of priorities. he is risking hurting his CHILDREN to have a fling with YOU.

 

do you really want to be with someone like that? do you really want to be the object of hatred for his wife and kids? because you will be.

 

you will be the reason he uses that he messed up....

 

end this...stop looking for reasons to keep this affair going.

 

there are none.

[mrmaximum]

and told me of this very nieve woman who decided to be a mistress to this one man. She believed his * * * * and bull story and contiued to buy in for years. I can't remember whether or not she decided to end it or if they guy died or left her, but at that point it didn't matter. She was now in her fifties and unable to have children. Her family wondered why she didn't date for all this time while she was with this married man all along, she couldn't bring him to family functions. So here she is, middle aged and no children while she figured that Sancho would dump his wife 'any day now'. This is a dark and very extreme case, but it did happen. This woman threw away her life for a guy who strung her along and didn't give a rats henie!! Like Brenda said, you deserve to be the starter in a man's life, NOT second string. This guy is lying to you, when you set aside the emotions it's really plain as day. He will string you along as long as he can, or as long as you are willing to let him. How much is your life worth to you?

[Siriana]

Imagine you have a kid with him and you find out that he swear on your child?

Is that polite?

Is that even normal?

I would never swear on my child no matter the point I was trying to make.

[rosy]

ok alot has happened since yest, he had to go to a wedding yest which he did but said he was going by himself and even texed me few times while there. Then for some reason i had a feelin he was lying so i went outside his house and waited for 1/2 hour before he showed up. An what do i see yes his wife n kids all coming out of the car. At that point my heart broke.

 

I wanted him to c me so that he knew i had caught him but he never did. Anyway i texed him n called him sayin ive seen him but nothing obviously as the mrs was there.

 

Then i lost it and called him on his shop fone which is where they all were. I was swearin n screaming so much but he kept cutting me off then she answered but he kept cutting the line off as he didnt want us to talk. I could here them both giggling and laughin he was tryin to get her away from the fone. She swore at me and i heard him say "its nothing HUN" and sounded if he was gonna cry. At that point i didnt care, all this time he's tellin me he doesnt love her etc and she knows so y the hell be so bothered wot she will think and y call her by the word HUN. I just dont understand n get it in my head.

 

I kept callin then he got on the line n said who r u stop callin here n then he cut me off but im sure he carried on talking makin out his still talking to me god knows what he was trying to make her believe. He texed me after sayin u have caused a big havoc her parents coming round etc. Which i dont believe as he managed to tex me few times and then he went off out so wouldnt he b sat at home suckin up to wifey.

 

He called me last nite and was swearing like mad at me for calling him at his shop ignoring the fact what i had saw or heard. And he denies he had ever called her HUN. at the end of the convo he said when u have forgiven me then contact me otherwise im not gonna tex or call u. An all day today i hadnt heard from him so what do i do hear i tex him.

 

Can you all please get it in my head that he is playing happy families n im just his fun. He jus doesnt want me to rock the boat again so he says!

 

Im jus going mad here.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

It really doesn't matter if he's sleeping with her or not... he's married. Married men never leave their wife... and you cant' believe a word they say ... they've already proven they are liars... by cheating. Lying and cheating go hand in hand.

 

They always give you the sad sob story and the woes of their life ..and what a horrible woman their wife is... how she doesn't do this or doesn't do that ... how mentally abused they are ... blah blah.

 

Never believe it .. never fall for it-

[Siriana]

So what is this incident telling you about your importance to him?

[Ash]

Unfortunately, you have your answer to how he is I would think. He's playing both sides of the fence, and lying both ways.

 

I suspect his plaing happy family is coming to an end with this latest incident, but he's certainly not somebody I would recommend you be with anymore. There's not really anything there for you if there ever really was.

 

Gather up what you can of your pride and move on to something better. You deserve it. This guys had his fun, much of it at your expense and now it's time for better things for you.

[mrmaximum]

It really doesn't matter if he's sleeping with her or not... he's married. Married men never leave their wife... and you cant' believe a word they say ... they've already proven they are liars... by cheating. Lying and cheating go hand in hand.

 

They always give you the sad sob story and the woes of their life ..and what a horrible woman their wife is... how she doesn't do this or doesn't do that ... how mentally abused they are ... blah blah.

 

Never believe it .. never fall for it-

 

One word comes to mind when I read your last post Rosy. EXPLOITAION. (well sort of) When you are in a relationship, you are owed honesty and fidelity. But NOT in an affair. It's obvious this is what you are looking for but you aren't going to find it by being a man's part time plaything. Time to move on, this train ride has just come to an end!!

[Ash]

It really doesn't matter if he's sleeping with her or not... he's married. Married men never leave their wife... and you cant' believe a word they say ... they've already proven they are liars... by cheating. Lying and cheating go hand in hand.

 

Although not quite true in absolutely every case, it is extremely common. The odds I think back up the above statement. I'm sure there are guys who do leave a marriage and don't lie about tons of stuff, but it doesn't sound like the man in question in this thread is one of them.

 

I suspect the ones more likely to leave their wives and the ones who tell their wives they're having an affair. They may have stepped outside the marriage, but they don't compound it by lying to all involved. (Yes ... it does happen !!)

[tootsey]

Rosy, i know you asked for a male point of view, but heres a females one. I was the GF who was cheated on. My 'partner' told me he loved me, there was no-one else blah blah blah. He told the OW he loved her, had nothing for me, was staying with me for our child, I was so bad to him blah blah blah. He was sleeping with both of us. How do I know what he told her, she come and told me then finished with him. The OW is ususally fed a load of nonsense to keep her there. It rarely ends up in her favour. Take it from someone whos been in the middle of a similar situation.

[puppeteer]

rosy...

 

you are mad at him because he called his WIFE a term of endearment?

 

you are being ridiculous.

 

this is a horrible situation for you to be in...and all you are doing is driving yourself insane.

 

HE IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIS WIFE.

 

HE IS USING YOU.

 

YOU NEED TO END THIS.

 

if you are coming here to complain and not actually heed the advice that people here are happy to offer...then i don't know how much good anything we offer will do you.

 

YOU are a grown up. YOU can change this dreadful situation by walking away from him forever. YOU are incontrol of your own life.

 

Drop the loser.

 

But honestly...did you think he was completely unfeeling towards his WIFE?

 

please note that i caplock "wife" to push a point with you....it is the person he is married to. which, shockingly....is not you.

 

Best of luck.

[rosy]

I so know now this a horrible situation to be in, i ended up meeting him yest as soon as he came into my car i was going mad swearing for the other day that he just walked out and drove off. I called him back again and all he could do was give me attitude. He wasn`t showing me any sypathy to what i had seen and heard but was lashing out on me and kept threatning me if i swore he would drive off again.

 

Anyway i asked him y he was so concernced all of a sudden he answer was "she is the mother of my kids, she does everything for them so even though i dont love her i still have to be nice to her". I asked him what his future is and is he planning to stay where he is he said "yes my kids need me right now, so i need to be there for them until they grow up".

 

And then he's telling me dont stress him out by asking him these sort of questions etc. I swore at him and he just drove off without a word. I know he's just using me now so y can`t i get him out of my head. No matter what he seems to do i always take him back but now he has made it clear he plans to stay with her so how do i get him out of my head. This is just driving me mad.

[Daddy Bear]

Broken down simply: he was telling you that he loved only you, and telling his wife the same thing. He is, thereforeeee, a liar - and not in love with either of you, in my estimation. Realize that he's using her as much as he is you, and don't feel as though she's won any great victory by being stuck with him.

 

I'm sure there are many unmarried guys not far from you who are just as desirable as he is, a lot more honest, and who would be happy to have you as their one and only. Maybe one of them will capture your heart, if you take it back from the undeserving Mr. Have-My-Cake-And-Eat-It-Too.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Rosy ..we always want what we can't have... and this guy is someone you can't have. He dangles a carrot in front of you every so often ... to keep you around.

 

the best thing you can do is walk away from this situation ..its not healthy ..and its preventing you from meeting someone who is available.

[Ed1]

I have only cheated once - and that is enough for me......

 

I could not sleep with my long term partner once I went past first base with the OW. Why.....because as wrong as being unfaithful was, I can only be sexually and emotionally attached to one woman at any time. As soon as I kissed the OW, I knew that I had fundamentally burnt bridges, and that there was no going back. I had betrayed my partner, and I could not betray her further by sleeping with the the OW at the same time. It was a mixture of guilt and also responsibility for the fact that I could never forgive myself if I had been unfaithful, had sex with my partner and given her something.

 

Affairs are totallly wrong, I always thought it, and after my first (and only affair) I have witnessed first hand the path of destruction in everyones life concerned that it causes.

[2600degrees]

Ugh. I'm with you 100% on that. It's hurt everyone...EVERYONE around me. From the first kiss...so very true.

[rosy]

I have been in NC with him for 2 days though he's been constantly caling/texing but since morning he has stopped and now its really getting to me. How do i get the will power an not end up contacting him? How can i get over him without pining for me. Its driving me all crazy!

[2600degrees]

Be strong. NC may be the only way to break this. You have to (and I know this is tough) stop caring about whether he is pining for you or not. It will take time.

 

Peace and happiness.

[rosy]

But the thought of him being out with his wife n kids is really getting to me, the thought of him finding someone else (which i know he surely wiill) is getting to me, it's been 2 years for us today since we started seeing each other.

[2600degrees]

But the thought of him being out with his wife n kids is really getting to me, the thought of him finding someone else (which i know he surely wiill) is getting to me, it's been 2 years for us today since we started seeing each other.

I know how difficult this is. (really). Ask yourself (maybe tell yourself) what you need to do to bring some peace to your life. This relationship is clearly not doing that for you. You deserve better. Let him go. (IMHO)

[puppeteer]

rosy...look at it this way.

 

it's been two years of him lying to both you and his wife.

 

you don't have a relationship. you have someone who is using you.

 

get out of it.

 

get a new phone...

 

whatever it takes.

 

but end it.

[tangi39]

So you finally met the REAL man behind the mask, still like what you see ?

[tangi39]

But the thought of him being out with his wife n kids is really getting to me, the thought of him finding someone else (which i know he surely wiill) is getting to me, it's been 2 years for us today since we started seeing each other.

 

Now you know how it feels on the other side. Hurts, doesn't it ?

Stop everyone from further pain- Move on- cut this guy out !

[Taylor527]

Um, are you kidding me? You are the MISTRESS and that is all you probably will ever be. He is going to dump you if you continue to try to contact him while his wife is there. Why are you trying to be a home wrecker anyway? Find a SINGLE man and stop messing around with someone who is married... whether he says he is happy or not, its not your business to get in the middle. If you are looking to have a monogamous relationship with someone then this man isn't the right one for you. He is MARRIED and still lives with his wife and family. Of course he is still having sex with his wife and there is NOTHING wrong with that... him having sex with you is wrong.

 

I think you need to sit back and look at this situation. If you are trying to "win" him over its just not going to happen, you will always be the other women. Why act stupidly like calling his work where you know she will be? Or going to his house to see if he really went to the wedding alone?? I'm sure he went to the wedding with his WIFE which is SHOULD be able to...

 

Seriously, you need to get a reality check.

[lady00]

I just noticed this thread is almost year old. I wonder if the other thread I just posted in by this same OP is old too...