Question for men out there who have cheated

[rosy]

Hi Guys

 

I'm just after some advice/opinions here please. For those guys out there who have cheated on their wifes/GF with another women (and actually falling in love with the OW), did u carry on sleeping with your partner as well?

 

And can it be true if a guy says he is only staying with his wife for his kids sake but he doesn`t sleep with her? Is that really true esp if the wife found out about his affair.

 

I will be grateful for some replies to give me more insight into this.

[rosy]

Hi Guys

 

I'm just after some advice/opinions here please. For those guys out there who have cheated on their wifes/GF with another women (and actually falling in love with the OW), did u carry on sleeping with your partner as well?

 

And can it be true if a guy says he is only staying with his wife for his kids sake but he doesn`t sleep with her? Is that really true esp if the wife found out about his affair.

 

I will be grateful for some replies to give me more insight into this.

[Stambler]

Hi Guys

 

I'm just after some advice/opinions here please. For those guys out there who have cheated on their wifes/GF with another women (and actually falling in love with the OW), did u carry on sleeping with your partner as well?

 

And can it be true if a guy says he is only staying with his wife for his kids sake but he doesn`t sleep with her? Is that really true esp if the wife found out about his affair.

 

I will be grateful for some replies to give me more insight into this.

 

I strayed once with my 1st wife. Our marriage was in trouble and I thought I had fallen in love withsomeone else. Immediatley after it happened, I told my wife. What I did was wrong, but I could never have kept it from her. Upon hearing the news she asked for a Divorce (no kids). I can't imagine cheating and not tellng one's partner. But that's just me...

[Siriana]

Are you a mistress or a guys wife?

[rosy]

a mistress

[Siriana]

good.

well, not good..but ...

My best friend was a mistress of a married man who had a 9 year old kid with his wife.

He told her the following:

- he is staying with his wife because of the kid

- he doesn't have sex with his wife

- he said how he loves her not his wife

- he was always saying how they are soul mates

- he was often talking about his life problems - she understood him because his life was so "hard"

- he was there for her only when he had time because he didn't wanna hurt his kid

- he was saying how having sex with her is the best sex he ever had

 

he didn't leave his wife.

[rosy]

and did she find out if he was just saying all this or did he mean it?

[Siriana]

Well, she didn't find out.

How could she?

She wasn't invited to live with him and his wife.

 

She decided to believe that:

- his life is hard (lets face it we all have a hard life, it's not a privilege)

- that he doesn't sleep with his wife (like thats the main part of intimacy - he was giving his wife his paycheck, he was supporting their kid, he was spending holidays with his wife, he was spending time with her family...)

- that she's his soul mate (would you do that to your soul mate, giving her intimacy but not sharing hard stuff like fights, money and responsibility)

- how the poor kid deserves to have a dad (because you get sentenced to death in case of divorce)

 

he is still with his wife he doesn't love and he doesn't sleep with (for the past 15 years at least) and my friend is today married with a baby boy.

[agent1607307371]

And can it be true if a guy says he is only staying with his wife for his kids sake but he doesn`t sleep with her? Is that really true esp if the wife found out about his affair.

 

Well, would you carry on sleeping with some one who has betrayed you?

 

I think it mostly stands to reason that if a man can lie to one woman, he can lie to any woman.

 

Whether he really loves you or not, protect yourself.

[Ash]

Some men do sleep with both and some don't. Personally I couldn't. It would have to be one or the other, but not both at the same time. I don't think you can generalize, it depends on the guy in question.

[Mavis VDSande]

Some of my close male friends have cheated on their long term gf's, from speaking to them it seems that some men like to have both cakes and eat them, others cheat because they are unhappy about their rels, but they don't have the balls to do something about it.

 

Generally I believe that if a man is a good father to his children, he can continue to be, whether or not he is married or divorced. Also I believe that if someone truly loves you they will do whatever it takes to be with you and be your one and only.

[jettison]

I fell in love with another woman once while my ex was out of the country for 4 months. I wouldn't sleep with her though. When my ex came back, I had to tell her that I could never see her again. She cried a lot. So did I. That was about 6 years ago. We still KIT.

[jettison]

good.

well, not good..but ...

My best friend was a mistress of a married man who had a 9 year old kid with his wife.

He told her the following:

- he is staying with his wife because of the kid

- he doesn't have sex with his wife

- he said how he loves her not his wife

- he was always saying how they are soul mates

- he was often talking about his life problems - she understood him because his life was so "hard"

- he was there for her only when he had time because he didn't wanna hurt his kid

- he was saying how having sex with her is the best sex he ever had

 

he didn't leave his wife.

 

My ex-GF was dating a married man for 3 years prior to us. He promised her everything and delievered on nothing. He eventually dumped her, reignited his relationship with his wife, and is now having his second child.

 

For obvious reasons, she doesn't have any trust in men... even trustworthy men (she's say there was no such thing).

[HellFrost666]

I dated a married woman for a time... She didn't sleep with her husband. I know my situation is reversed from the question, sorry.

 

I should also say that her husband had cheated on her multiple times with several other women and had no interest in sleeping with her either. And now they are divorcedand she lives with me.

 

Stories like mine are rare though... I got really lucky.

[Dako]

Married guys often tell the OW about their failing marriage, paint themselves as a martyr for the children or mentally ill wife, or are in a complicated divorce struggle that never ends.

 

Anything that keeps the OW from giving up or calling the wife.

[Bankers24]

My ex-husband was still sleeping with me while he was sleeping with his girlfriends - yes , GirlfriendS...he went through 3 before I found out about his adultry. So, I would not believe that he is not sleeping with his wife because my ex-husband, and I were still very sexually active until I found out that he cheated on me. I immediately separated from him and filed for divorce while he was begging me not to leave him...telling me how much he loves me...etc. Come to find out he was telling these other women that he was not in love with me, I was a horrible wife, and we were getting a divorce (not true at the time but ended up being true due to his adultry) - makes me wonder why he begged so hard for me to stay if all that was true??? HMMM...I am so glad to be single!

[itsallgrand]

Ask the wife.

 

I was the "wife" (not married, *just* a long term gf), and you very well be the mistress on the side being fed the lines about not sleeping with the one he is 'estranged' with.

There was no kids in the situation, yet he still managed to snowball her about how he was spending time with me/had pics of me/me calling and on his phone id/me being places I "shouldn't" have been otherwise....if what they were doing was honest and a public relationship .

 

For your answer, she has it. You might be amazed what that woman could tell you.

[fmjosie]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

 

From what I've heard, they sleep with both, but will not sleep with gf/wife very often, or just enough so they aren't suspicious!

 

If you are a mistress, please keep in mind that this guy will most likely NOT leave his wife, like, ever. Also, if he does happen to leave her, again, not likely, he will probably do the same thing to you (cheat & leave you for the next woman)!

[dystopiandream]

Go to this website:

 

link removed

 

When my friend was seeing a married man she heard all the same excuses, she fell for him big time and he used that to his advantage. I tried to talk her out of it and only succeeded when I showed her this website. Have a look for yourself and see what all the OW's on this site say...I can guarantee that you will notice a few similarities.

 

Goodluck.

[toribee2]

okay... so my ex and I dated for 2 months then he dumped me out of the blue to go back to his ex gf. I was crushed. Then, a week later, he called me and whined about what a mistake he had made, that he only went back to her because he got fired and she pays for stuff. For 8 months I would see him once a week and for the first 3 months, I refused to sleep with him. Until his gf showed up at my place of employment and was a real bitty to me. Then I no longer cared if I hurt her or not. ..shrug..

 

So... for 8 months he told me how horrible their relationship was and how she was sooooo awful to him... blah blah blah. She called me one day, and we went to lunch together. Long story short... he was nothing but a liar and she really wasn't that bad. He did leave her though... but only because she forced him to.

 

Don't be a mistress. It's soooo not worth it, and it can and will kill your self esteem.

 

Why does he need to leave his wife when he's getting what he needs from you anyway?

 

Find someone that can be available to you. Unless you are a total committment phobe, this type of relationship will not satisfy you. Ever.

[RayKay]

I would say depends on the guy. I have friends whom found out their partners were cheating, and their partners were still sleeping with them. Others whose partners were not sleeping with them - but they were not cheating either. My father left my mother for one of his long term mistresses....and my mother was 7 months pregnant, so obviously there was something going on there.

 

I don't think it matters, because if he is cheating on his wife with you, he has already proven to be a liar - if he can lie to her, damn rights he can lie to you.

 

If I was his wife and knew about the affair though, I would certainly be not sleeping with him (then again I would be on way out door too).

 

And if by a very, very small chance you do stay together and he does leave her....guess what he will be telling a new mistress in a few years when it gets too "comfortable" at home with you?

[RayKay]

Go to this website:

 

link removed

 

When my friend was seeing a married man she heard all the same excuses, she fell for him big time and he used that to his advantage. I tried to talk her out of it and only succeeded when I showed her this website. Have a look for yourself and see what all the OW's on this site say...I can guarantee that you will notice a few similarities.

 

Goodluck.

 

Oh yes, that site is very slanted though to the OW, and does not give much info on what is really going on for the partners of the cheaters (whom are not very welcome there) and there is a bit of an us v. them attitude.

 

Another good site that gives more from ALL sides as it has several subforums (and is less hostile I feel) is link removed

[Konarmi]

although I've never cheated I have thought about it.

 

I can tell you this. Men will never stray if they're satisfied at home. They will stay, nurture and tend to your every need. PROVIDED they're needs are met! which means.. if you can plan an entire week from dusk till dawn but you can't fit in "together" time.. he'll stray.. if you can make plans to go out withyour friends and you can't spend 2 hours watching a movie.. he'll stray. Putting him down or making him look like an idiot.. he'll stray. The act of cheating is a way for men to get EVEN with what you've done. I remember being angry with my ex girlfriend and that was the only time I thought of cheating!

 

The OW gave him what he needed.. my guess is yes.. he fell in love too some extent.

[dystopiandream]

Oh yes, that site is very slanted though to the OW, and does not give much info on what is really going on for the partners of the cheaters (whom are not very welcome there) and there is a bit of an us v. them attitude.

 

Another good site that gives more from ALL sides as it has several subforums (and is less hostile I feel) is link removed

 

You are right it is very slanted but I just wanted her to see the similarities in the excuses the cheating spouse gives the OW.

[rosy]

Thank u very much for all your advices its been very helpful, but im in a hurry right now so cant write much. But if he swore on his kids that he hasnt slept with her is he tellin me the truth, though he did get emotional after saying that but he said it was coz he couldnt believe i dont trust him after so many years. It made me think he was upset coz he has falsely lied on his kids.