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Please HELP ME!!!!


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I will try to make this brief as possible, but a lot has happened with me and my boyfriend. We have been together for 3+years. When I met him, I was a divorced mom of 1 and just finisihing my BS degree. He was getting an MBA and had no kids and lived with his parents. So for the first year things were mostly good, he would make comments here and there about how all my friends are trash and I shouldn't associate with them. Now I only had 3 really close friends and they were divorced mom's also. Apparently we all made bad choices in our husbands. So my boyfriend and I were going to break up at the end of the year because he wasn't satisfied with the way I lived and he didn't want to live that way. Which was fine but difficult because we loved each other.


Two weeks after that he called me and said he thinks he made a big mistake and wanted to give it another try, and I agreed. So we went on again for another year. He still made comments about my friends and their behaviors and I agreed somewhat and stopped talking to them. A few months later, I realized that what my friends do in their personal lives is none of our business. He calls them whores because they date guys and if it works out it does, if it doesn't they leave. I think that is normal, that is how you find the one your looking for, shouldn't stay with someone if it isn't meant right? So I then started speaking with my friends again, and he got pissed off at me. So at the end of that year we were going to break up again. I needed to change birth control and he knew this and he knew I was on nothing but still decided to have unprotected sex with me and I got pregnant. Now he knew I was against abortion since the beginning of this relationship but still insisted that I have an abortion and proceeded to beg me to have an abortion and when I wouldn't he called me every nasty name a person could think of. This went on for about 2-3 weeks and then he decided that we should get married. He comes from a different culture than I and having a child out of wedlock would be very bad for him, they would disown him. I said no to marriage because I couldn't marry someone who verbally assulted me as he did when I said I wouldn't have an abortion.


After all of that I decided to stay with him and see if we could work this out and maybe get on a good path. I had a miscarriage at 2 months. He went with me to find out. In the parking lot, I told him now he has his out and is free to leave, but he didn't want to do that. He wanted to stay with me. After I had the miscarriage I was very distraught and said that maybe I should have had the abortion, and that maybe this was God's plan for me since I was pregnant and not married. I said that if this ever happened again I would have an abortion.


After this miscarriage I was placed on a the pill that lasts for 3 months then you go off of it. We decided that we would give this relationship one more chance and if it didn't work by summer we would split. So I was RELIGIOUS about taking my pill and at the end of the 3 month pack I wasn't feeling well. So I went to the doctor and discovered I was yet again pregnant. This time I was already 2 months along. He reminded me that I had said I would have an aborition if it happened again. I made an appointment at a clinic and on the day of the appointment, I couldn't do it. I cried and cried, I just didn't have the heart to do it. I decided to keep the baby. So during my whole pregnancy, he treated me very bad. He told me what a horrible person I am, that I ruined his life and all he has done is try to make life better for me. We got into screaming matches, once my neighboors called the cops. He made my pregnancy very very stressful. Our son was born in November of 2006. We decided to try to make this work for the baby's sake. In that time frame, things have gotten bad. One time I was talking to him in our bedroom and he told me to get out of the room. Now I refused because we live in my apartment with my stuff and I wanted to solve this problem. He physically pushed me out of the room. Not just a shove out the door, but like almost a choke hold from behind. He didn't help much with the baby. I had a c-section and he did the bare minimum to help me.


Our baby is now 9 months old and things haven't gotten any better. My friends are not allowed over. I got laid off from my job and he doesn't want me to go back to work, but won't give me access to money. He says to tell him what I need and he will give it to me. He says this is for all of our sakes because I am irresponsible with money. I am irresponsible because I have student loan debt and a car loan. My car payment granted is high but that doesn't make me irresponsible. I lived alone for 3 years with my other son before I met him. I want to go back to school and he won't let me because it is a program that he feels isn't a good one. Although it is a nursing program. He spends his time between our house and his parents house. His parents have not seen our son and he claims they have disowned him. His mother calls him everyday but he is "disowned". He still calls me names once in awhile. I want to give my kids stability, but he says he will change nothing until I act the way he needs me to. He says we will keep living in apartments until I change something about my self. I don't see I need to change anything. I used to make decision without consulting him, but now I let him know everything so we can come to a decision together. I cook, clean, take care of the kids, make his lunches, do his laundry. What more can I do?


He has recently told me that if I leave him, he will not want to see me or our son again. He is not going to be the typical "american dad" who bounces kids between houses. I said well fine, you can come to my home and spend time with the baby. He said no I don't ever want to see your face or hear your voice again if you leave me. Now I am stuck. I don't want my son to grow up without his dad but I cant continue to live like this. I don't know what to do. Please and advice well be so appreciated. I am really confused and scared.

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Leave him. He isn't going to be a good dad to your child anyway. And he is using your child against you. Leave him. And if he wont see his child, well tough. You can go to court, for financial arangments, so he pays child support, and you can go and do your nursing course. He is abusing you.


Please please leave this (what to call him?) poor excuse for a human being.

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He's controlling - he pushed your friends out of your life and tried to force you into an abortion you didn't want and criticised your choices. He was unsupportive during the birth and has started showing signs of being physically abusive. You have to leave. I understand that you want your child to have a father, but you have to think of yourself and both of your children. Is this a good environment to grow up in? Also, the idea that all kids should have a father is a myth - lots of children don't have a father and they have no problems later on in life, as long as they have a good mother! Besides, if he knows that this is important to you, he may be using this as a threat to make you toe the line anyway. Don't do that. It's best for you and your babies to leave.

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I'm surprised you haven't left him yet. But you need too. My father was a very controlling man and was never satisfied with my mother. She is a great loving person but he was a stubborn European man that didn't know any better. My mom stayed with him because she had 3 kids and didn't want to break up the family. Since I was in my teen years I saw how my dad treated her and I never liked it. I even tried helping my mom to leave him but it was hard because she hadn't worked for many years and had no money and no ambition when being put down so much. She was an alcoholic for many years also which was hard for me too. She is finally on her own and lives with my aunt and she has stopped drinking and it has been over a year now. Please leave him before you go through this or before your childern see you going through a tough time just because he is a selfish & stubborn man.

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