This is HOW I am getting over him...

[tushboy]

I realised I am not the strongest with NC, so I opened the lines of communication a few days back. We met up, we cleared the past and decided to be friends again.

 

Ofcourse I lied to him when I said that "I love you, but I won't let that get in our way of friendship". What I did realise that with contacting him, I get to see him more often and become less edgy. I even asked him about his sex life, and he told me he's been meeting lot of new people. I am using these blows, to kind of tell myself there is NO HOPE and he HAS moved on.

 

I don't know if any of u would agree with this method, but its working for me. The more I meet and hang around him, I realise there is ZERO scope for any reconciliation.

 

I know I am his "safety net" and stroking his ego and making him feel good, but he doesnt know that I will in some days be TOTALLY OVER him. I feel less edgy and nervous knowing that he's around. I still love him to death, but have stopped obsessing.

 

I think the pain of the breakup has been the strongest ever, and nothing can compare to it. So I take these interactions with him as reasons to realise its OVER and move on.

[happy79]

As long as you're sure you can handle it, I said that a month a go, then the last week I have realised I am not ok with it. It just adds to my confusion - but if it is helping you realise he is over you and allowing you to move on then I guess that's ok.

 

The question is, are you absolutely sure this is causing you no pain and it is allowing you to move on?

[rokston]

Personally, I would find it extremely difficult (even more than it already is) to deal with a break up in that way...

 

But hey, if it works for you then nobody can tell you it's wrong. Just be wary of using temporary relief to substitute long term getting over him...it would be sad to see this stretched out over months before coming to the conclusion you should have approached it differently. Good luck and take care!

[tushboy]

I know what you guys are saying, but I am really struggling with strict NC, its just not working for me. Exposing myself to how hes moved on and is chilling out is working as a catalyst for me to not be under any illusion that there is hope, or scope or a chance to come back. It ofcourse kills to sit with him and watch him answer calls from people he's dating, but then I go home and realise, "hey he's having a good time, so why the hell are you sitting and sulking!"

[milesaway]

More power to you! The very thought of my EX GF with someone else sends me into panic attacks. I thought I was much stronger than this!!

[Gratsy]

Just because you are getting temporary relief from being in his presense doesn't mean you are getting over him. Its only making it harder in the end.

[Blue Skittles]

Everyone's different I guess, but i found in my past experiences with breakups NC was a lot easier than seeing them all the time.

 

Initially, NC was hard. It was very painful. Everyday I would think, and panic, and worry, and I was so upset. But every single day got easier. I enabled myself to be a strong person and started taking care of myself and eventually the thoughts of them decreased completely.

 

There have been a couple breakups where I remained in contact and saw them all the time and it just drew it out into one big long mess and it broke my heart when they started seeing someone else. It took a LOOOONG time to move on... and eventually resulted in NC anyways...

[Iarra]

I work with my ex, so I see him every day. It doesn't bother me now when I bump into him. I guess constantly being around your source of pain makes you stronger. So I understand what you're doing, tushboy. A few weeks ago, I went to the forum that my ex goes to just to check what he was up to and if there were any indications of him having another girl. I prepared myself for that. For me, I really did want to know, so I can just get over it now and move on, instead of wondering if he still has feelings for me. (What I saw was sort of the opposite, so it didn't help me at all, but that's beside the point)

 

I think it boils down to your motives if you decide to be friends with the ex. If you become friends with them with the intention of winning them back, then you should prepare yourself for a major disappointment.

 

Tushboy, just don't forget what your intentions are, and you'll come out stronger. Good luck!

[Clementine orange]

For me, the sad truth is either you do NC now or you do it later. If you stay in contact then you risk getting hurt all over again. However, there are exceptions...in my experience though....

 

However, the above poster "Iarra" makes a good point - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[Up and Down]

I think you are settling for what morsels of friendship he shows you. He is putting you on the back burner for his own ego, "knowing" someone is there. In my mind I am better of without them to work on me and getting myself to a place where I can just be me again, because I am not right now. It would seriously bother me to watch my ex date someone else right now and even more so talk about her sex life. As for my past ex's I could care less but they are all over four plus years ago. This most recent one was one I thought I would marry. So if it were me and I am going through the same thing, I wouldn't do it. Its not worth it, I am not ready to interact with someone I was so intimate with on a friendship level yet.

[jellytot]

No, i think you have a point.

 

If we all could allow our ex peeps into our lives, and have them tell us how and who they have got off with, yes it would be sore, but again, it can only justify whats happened, one hundred percent. It will erase all hope. Ok, it may be extremely painful, but, hey, its a fact in front of our eyes.... To me, its one thing that can hurt you, yes, but again, the quickest way of realising that its over.

 

No more hope,,, no more,,, maybes,,, no more,,, but hes a nice guy/girl.... the truth thrown in front of your face, is exactly that.

 

Deal with it, and move on. Its better than wondering. It may be the most painful, but it sure is the most effective.... of getting over it....

[Iarra]

Exactly what I'm thinking, jellytot! It's like a painful wake up call, but a wakeup call nonetheless.

 

BUT if the ex is acting like he/she still has feelings for you, giving you hope, but generally being wishy-washy, then it just confuses you. If you're confused, then this wouldn't work. NC is best for these cases in my opinion.