Self development

[Andy1984]

Hello,

 

Over the past year or so I have become increasingly lost as to who I am and I have been wanting to change for a long time now.

 

I have changed who I am from a person who used to be into drugs, not care about work, lacked focus and determination to someone who is striving to be the best he can and look after his girlfriend as best he can and be a great person to know.

 

In Easter of this year I tried to take my own life which seriously messed me up and my friends, who were angry at me and I have been trying to build these bridges with my friends again.

 

However, not I feel more lost than ever. I feel that I am not being a man and feel that I am just an empty shell of the person I used to be. This is a horrible feeling. I have enrolled myself on a Alpha course starting in a few weeks to see if God will be able to help me see the person I really am.

 

I want to be a strong individual and be able to look after my lady and provide for her and be strong enough individual to be able to deal with my own personal issues on my own.

 

It is all a little bit heavy, but I need some advice as to what to do..

 

Andy

[Shin kensen]

Hi, welcome to ENA.

 

Since I discovered : link removed my life has been on the up. I now do the things only that make me happy, in turn, others around me are also happier.

 

I also suggest you read these articles:

 

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[talo]

Hi Andy. Welcome to Enotalone.

 

This lostness as to who you are is not uncommon. The buddha addressed this about 2500 years ago when he identified one of the 3 characteristics of existence as not-self.

 

The following quote is from link removed

[Orlander]

Im sorry you are having such troubles, Andy. Feeling as you do is not uncommon and everyone goes through feelings of being lost.

 

There are numerous books, audio tapes, movies that may be of help. You can start by acknowledging that you do have the right and the option to end your life if you wanted. Since you already tried suicide before you understand this. Now that you understand that you are capable of going through with it and made the decision to try last Easter, concentrate on the decision to not try suicide again. Making that decision will help you. Suicide is never the solution and relying on it as a "fallback" or "last resort" is detracting you from your true options open to you.

[lexie]

Here is another clue..i do enjoy everybodys answers but for momentary perposes I would consider what you are instead of "who" you are. Now what we are is humans and then focusing on that can help. I had to do it quite a few times and it really led to some growth. It is like saying instead of trying to "BE" something..just BE. How to BE, well take on daily acts such as eating and doing the mundane processes...even getting dressed as something extraordinary...just waking to being human and being curious about what all you are doing with out having to define or coming to some over all grand comment on what self is. So, respect your life as you would the persons next to you even though you may, at moments, not know who you are...it is O.K. not to know. So lighten up towards knowing and actually consider what it is to not know. This can be a fine place to be if you can notice the fear taht accompanies not knowing and not act on the fear. I have learned that when I am going through a not knowing who I am sort of state that I am best to sit with it and not motivate in a direction where I look externally for an answer.

Essentially there is no quick fix for that state of mind. This means if you find something to identify with in about 24 hours..some answer... it will not be as strong as if you are more patient and begin the process of self discovery.

 

So, enjoy the sun on your face, and the fact taht you are able to wake up and prepare breakfast.

 

Take Care of yourself even if you don't know who that is yet.

[talo]

So lighten up towards knowing and actually consider what it is to not know. This can be a fine place to be if you can notice the fear taht accompanies not knowing and not act on the fear. I have learned that when I am going through a not knowing who I am sort of state that I am best to sit with it and not motivate in a direction where I look externally for an answer.

Essentially there is no quick fix for that state of mind. This means if you find something to identify with in about 24 hours..some answer... it will not be as strong as if you are more patient and begin the process of self discovery.

 

Well said Lexie. Yes "not act on the fear" - great. Just sitting with it, the fear, the not-knowing, the lostness, the hollow, the vacuum, the emptiness, and watching it reveal its own beauty - wonderful.

 

Just to add:

 

There is no real answer to the question "who am I" in the form of a conclusion, such as 'I am xyz'. There is not really a self to discover or develop; there is only what one thinks one is that is gradually or suddenly deconstructed, deconditioned, let go of, or seen through.

[Andy1984]

Thanks for all your advice, it has made things easier and puts this thing we call life into a bit more perspective and how to cope more affectively,