ONLINE DATING GUIDE: how to get her number and meet her ASAP!

[Yates33]

Okay, so like every other guy, I have girl problems. Every guy does...even the best "players". However, one thing I have managed to PERFECT is getting a girl online to respond to my message, give me her number, call her and get her to meet up within days. Now I know some of you will be like, "duh...if she likes you"..no, I am telling you, I get women to respond to my messages at least 7/10 times and I am being MODEST.

 

So here are the guidelines:

 

*FIRST: YOUR PROFILE

 

Your profile is the first thing a woman looks at, duh. You need to have an exciting profile! This means don't go on rambling about your career, your cars and what "kind of person" you are...instead SHOW HER. Talk about your ADVENTURES. For example, in my ads I talk about my trips (non-chalant of course) and all the cool things I did. It SHOWS you are exciting. Have pictures that show your full face, some smiling...and one or two with people to give you SOCIAL PROOF. Good grammar is obviously a must in your ad.

 

*SECOND: YOUR MATE INFORMATION

 

Fill this in! Be specific in what type of woman you're looking for. It shows you don't just fall for any woman and you have standards! Subconsciously its like saying, "I am not desperate, I actually know what I want in a woman..."

 

*THIRD: THE MESSAGE

 

This is probably one of the most important parts. You have to remember that women on these sites get TONS AND TONS of messages a day (most do anyway) saying the same things in different ways, things like..."oh..your beautiful" or "I would love to get to know you...I have this job..this car" or some boring BS like that...instead make your message personalized. Comment on something in her profile and then tease her slightly. Give yourself value as well, for example...I like to say at the end of my messages: "so if you'd like to be friends, you know what to do...if not, its okay....not ALL GIRLS can handle this" and you don't know how many responses I have gotten back saying "handle what? I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING! lol"

 

*FOURTH: THE PHONE NUMBER

 

After about TWO MESSAGES if you have been playing it right, tell her the following: "You're really interesting over the net, I wonder if your this interesting 'live'...why dont we exchange numbers and find out...unless your scared . I GUARANTEE YOU, if you have decent pictures, an exciting profile and a great first messages....YOU WILL GET THE NUMBER.

 

*CALLING

 

Call her the next day after you have gotten the number. Call her up around 9...most people are home, relaxing...have gotten out of work, have had dinner etc...but before 10 incase she goes to sleep early. Talk to her for 15 minutes MINIMUM, 25 minutes MAX. DO NOT ASK FOR A DATE HERE. Just keep the conversation light, fun and confident. Don't get into serious topics, avoid talking about personal baggage etc. This conversation is just to get her to feel more comfortable about you and so you can get a feel for her personality.

 

*ASKING HER OUT

 

Wait one day in between the first call and this next call. Call her up at around the same time, talk to her for a few minutes (10-15) then suggest meeting up. Again, keep the conversation light and fun, you should have established rapport from your messages and last phone convo (like an inside joke). Dont ask her to meet up, tell her. Example: "hey, thursday LETS MEET UP here and here and this time". Have a specific time and date and place, it shows initiative. If she seems hesistent, tease her "what you have to clean your cat or something that day?" .....

 

Most important of all...KEEP YOUR EXPECTATIONS LOW AND HOPES HIGH!

 

GOODLUCK

[Shin kensen]

Sounds pretty good, but i've never tried online dating... Is it still regarded as a little "sad"? Then again, you are in the US, so it's probably going to catch on here in about 7 years... -_-

[summerpeach]

I met my guy in line and if he played by these rules, I would have been competely turned off.

These rules are not so good.

[d24]

potentially compromise yourself by sticking to a bunch of rules that may work for one guy?

 

no thanks.

 

but, we do appreciate your enthusiasm and advice and i've taken a little on-board, which may turn out useful. The thing with 'guides' are they don't seem to grasp that EVERYONE is different and will react to certain things in different ways.

 

I could pull off the 'wash your cat' thing - whereas my nerdy friend Steve couldn't.

 

 

Anyways, thanks for the input Yates

[bubblyblonde11]

 

*ASKING HER OUT

 

Wait one day in between the first call and this next call. Call her up at around the same time, talk to her for a few minutes (10-15) then suggest meeting up. Again, keep the conversation light and fun, you should have established rapport from your messages and last phone convo (like an inside joke). Dont ask her to meet up, tell her. Example: "hey, thursday LETS MEET UP here and here and this time". Have a specific time and date and place, it shows initiative. If she seems hesistent, tease her "what you have to clean your cat or something that day?" .....

 

Most important of all...KEEP YOUR EXPECTATIONS LOW AND HOPES HIGH!

 

GOODLUCK

 

Disagree - you should not tell her, you should ask her when are you free, telling someone what to do sends out the wrong signals and besides she might have plans. Surely you want the women you are going to date to have a life outside of just you?? Most men do not want a women to be totally depended on them as there social outlet.

 

Ask always ask IMO

[Shin kensen]

These are just the real-life pick up rules rewritten for online. I am fairly sure that for the majority of women these will work. Regardless, does anyone with a life even do online dating?

[servedcold]

First, great guidelines! Having lots of online dating experience myself, I agree with your pointers totally. They most certainly do work. I actually ask for the date on the first phone call unless it goes extremely well. If it goes really well and I can tell she is very interested, I will do a second or maybe even a third phone call before asking for the date. Oftentimes, the woman will start calling you and asking you out sometime in that period, which is where you really want to be.

 

As far as whether online dating is sad, I don't think so at all. Maybe not the best idea for 19 yr olds, especially if you are in school and surrounded by the opposite sex daily with a flexible schedule. For older working folks with limited time who have to get regular sleep, though, it's a godsend and very efficient.

[Yates33]

Disagree - you should not tell her, you should ask her when are you free, telling someone what to do sends out the wrong signals and besides she might have plans. Surely you want the women you are going to date to have a life outside of just you?? Most men do not want a women to be totally depended on them as there social outlet.

 

Ask always ask IMO

 

You tell her when to meet up, if she can't she'll simply say she can't make it? Whats the big deal?

 

I see most disagree. I think it stems from a stuborness to change their thinking when it comes to the oppossite sex. Most are still stuck in the mindframe that you should kiss up to the woman and ask her out, wearing your heart on your sleeve.

[Yates33]

potentially compromise yourself by sticking to a bunch of rules that may work for one guy?

 

no thanks.

 

but, we do appreciate your enthusiasm and advice and i've taken a little on-board, which may turn out useful. The thing with 'guides' are they don't seem to grasp that EVERYONE is different and will react to certain things in different ways.

 

I could pull off the 'wash your cat' thing - whereas my nerdy friend Steve couldn't.

 

 

Anyways, thanks for the input Yates

 

I believe the "gist" of these rough guidelines holds true for most women. The whole point is coming accross as exciting, confident and taking the initiative. I don't see what women don't want that?

 

I can guarantee money on it, that these guidelines will work 100x better than most profiles men have up on dating sites.

[Yates33]

I met my guy in line and if he played by these rules, I would have been competely turned off.

These rules are not so good.

 

What's not so good about them? Are any of them offensive? Think about it...you wouldn't be turned off. There is absolutely nothing to turn you off. I think what turns you off is the idea that these ARE ACTUAL GUIDELINES and the thought of a man following rules turns you off...but if a man actually did this, you wouldn't even know what was going on and it would actually seem pretty smooth.

 

The problem is, your looking "behind the scenes" sort of speak.

 

I am a pretty good looking guy, I'll admit that has some partial sucess in the responses I get, but alot also has to do with my framing of everything.

 

And for those who say online dating is for losers, get real. I meet girls in bars, bookstores, subway...whatever...when I am home and have some spare time, why not have some fun? I've made some nice friends out of it. It's not like I spend my time looking for girls on the internet.

[Yates33]

These are just the real-life pick up rules rewritten for online. I am fairly sure that for the majority of women these will work. Regardless, does anyone with a life even do online dating?

 

Yes they do. lol

 

But at least you see that these guidelines are actually pretty real and concrete....

[Aaron20b]

be scared

but i barely know you .llol

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Aaron

Date: Aug 23, 2007 9:08 PM

 

 

Why would you what?

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: XxMiMiGORExX[undeadGirl]{McRmy}

Date: Aug 23, 2007 8:49 PM

 

 

lol

y would i lol

 

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Aaron

Date: Aug 23, 2007 8:38 PM

 

 

You're really interesting over the net, I wonder if your this interesting 'live'...why dont we exchange numbers and find out...unless your scare lol

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: XxMiMiGORExX[undeadGirl]{McRmy}

Date: Aug 23, 2007 7:43 PM

 

 

Yea i would like to be friends

and i think i can lol

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Aaron

Date: Aug 23, 2007 7:20 PM

 

 

I just thought you kinda looked like it. Alright well cool either way. Good for you are just you. lol

 

so if you'd like to be friends, you know what to do...if not, its okay....not ALL GIRLS can handle this. lol

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: XxMiMiGORExX[undeadGirl]{McRmy}

Date: Aug 23, 2007 6:09 PM

 

 

lol

umm wow thats a first no one has ever thought i was goth lol

umm no i am just me lol

umm its kool

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Aaron

Date: Aug 23, 2007 5:38 PM

 

 

You seemed like an interesting person so I thought why not? lol

 

Hmm, are you gothic? Just curious, you kinda look like one. Don't worry I think there pretty cool. So whats it like over at Long Beach?

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: XxMiMiGORExX[LDG]{McRmy}♥ '

Date: Aug 23, 2007 5:32 PM

 

 

well I just wanted to say hi

and yea you added me so i thought i would talk to you lol

[Aaron20b]

Didn't exactly work for me now I don't know what to say!

[Batya33]

I agree with all except that I never liked the profiles that talked about adventurous activities or exotic travel, etc. - that's all well and good but I saw the profile more as a way to screen out - including what he was looking for (i.e. marriage and children), whether he used proper grammar and spelling, whether he mentioned sex (typically a dealbreaker if it was in a profile), and whether he tried to be flashy in his pictures or his profile. I preferred simple, direct, intelligent and to the point because I dated people, not profiles. I did not like the profiles that read like an advertisement or boasted about how much world travel they did, etc.

[Yates33]

I agree with all except that I never liked the profiles that talked about adventurous activities or exotic travel, etc. - that's all well and good but I saw the profile more as a way to screen out - including what he was looking for (i.e. marriage and children), whether he used proper grammar and spelling, whether he mentioned sex (typically a dealbreaker if it was in a profile), and whether he tried to be flashy in his pictures or his profile. I preferred simple, direct, intelligent and to the point because I dated people, not profiles. I did not like the profiles that read like an advertisement or boasted about how much world travel they did, etc.

 

This means alot coming from you Batya! I am glad you agree with most.

 

I guess when it comes to the profile, the key things remain the same throughout: specifically grammar. When it comes to talking about world adventures per say, I guess that's more towards a different age group. A more mature woman looking for more mature options (settling down etc) might look for different things in a profile.

 

This usually works on college girls though, I've noticed.

[Yates33]

lmao!

 

You barely said anything. You just asked her boring questions like "so, how is it in long beach?" ... lol ... you can't just use the one-liners I gave and expect them to work. You went in for the number with no support or "online" rapport, why would she give you the number? You have to make the 2 messages have DEPTH to them.

 

I told you though she would respond with "I can handle it..." haha

[Aaron20b]

ok so what do I say now????? she send me another message saying "so yea

umm y do you want me to call you ??

i just have to know"

[summerpeach]

What's not so good about them? Are any of them offensive? Think about it...you wouldn't be turned off. There is absolutely nothing to turn you off. I think what turns you off is the idea that these ARE ACTUAL GUIDELINES and the thought of a man following rules turns you off...but if a man actually did this, you wouldn't even know what was going on and it would actually seem pretty smooth.

 

Maybe because I am 41 and these guidelines are for kids.

What turns me off is I am too old for games

[Batya33]

ok so what do I say now????? she send me another message saying "so yea

umm y do you want me to call you ??

i just have to know"

 

 

"Thanks, that would be great. Here's my number"

 

I would stop with all the IM chat and the "unless you're scared" - why sabotage things? Just be direct and say "I much prefer talking to typing - please give me your number or I can give you mine, thanks."

[Yates33]

Maybe because I am 41 and these guidelines are for kids.

What turns me off is I am too old for games

 

There are no games whatsoever in these guidelines. Please specify, what exactly seems to be a game here? The deliberate attempt to go about things with a cool head and not to seem clingy/desperate? Is anyone going to get hurt using these guidelines? I am confused where you think these guidelines are for "kids"?

 

In any event, read above next time. I clearly stated that these guidelines are more for a younger dating crowd (mainly in their 20s' - not kids though ) For a more older dating crowd, things change a bit...but not by much.

[Luke Skywalker]

Yates,

 

I've read your post. I'm impressed. I'm going to try out your suggestions and see if they work.

 

So far I've had the worst possible results in the online dating that I've just given up on it. I've even tried lookbetteronline and net2bed-net2wed program, and nothing has worked so far (got refunds on both of them), and

probably get a 0/10 - 1/10 response.

 

My guess is that you are a stud or exceptionally attractive. That is, if another average looking person tried out the same profile as a hot looking guy, then the results would be different, say if you have a photo shot from a men's fashion magazine or look average. But, I want to give it another kick in the can so I'll try out your suggestions for a while and see if there is any improvement.

[servedcold]

Luke, you should be sending out ten emails PER DAY when you first join an online site. Remember that 75% or so of the women on the sites aren't really available for dating, and that the ones with more attractive profiles may be getting 50-100 emails per day. It is a numbers game and takes practice to get experience writing a profile, pics and emails that get results. After you send out 100 or so mails, and go on ten or so dates, you will get better response.

[Yates33]

But, I want to give it another kick in the can so I'll try out your suggestions for a while and see if there is any improvement.

 

Just remember that this is an outline, you have to fill the rest in to be sucessful. You have to fill it in with depth...WITH YOUR PERSONALITY. If you are talking to her over the phone or through messages about boring topics such as "so....what do you do for fun?" ... then these guidelines won't work. The guidelines are a frame which you have to fill in. The best part is that you get to THINK before you write....so some basic advice:

 

AVOID COMPLIMENTS EARLY ON

KEEP THE LIGHT TEASING CONSTANT

ASK FUN QUESTIONS

BE CONFIDENT

 

One of the posters here just used the one liners I provided, thats not going to work...even though if you read the conversation you can tell she was challenging him and going with it a bit.

[Luke Skywalker]

You tell her when to meet up, if she can't she'll simply say she can't make it? Whats the big deal?

 

I see most disagree. I think it stems from a stuborness to change their thinking when it comes to the oppossite sex. Most are still stuck in the mindframe that you should kiss up to the woman and ask her out, wearing your heart on your sleeve.

 

I usually may ask a woman out on the first email as a rejection tolerance exercise, that is, you know they are going to delete the email, no matter what you write, so just go for the kill one time.

 

However, the state of mind is already in some sort of defeat before there is any attempt, so again, I am going to listen in to the advice on it to see if I can change anything.

 

Servedcold talked about sending 10 different emails per day to the extent of 100 emails. The numbers game is still a bit discouraging compared to a 7/10 ratio. Let's face it, you have no choice on who responds back to you, and you have to settle with whomever replies back if we are subscribing to random chance that you'll just get lucky after so many emails. With 7/10 response back, if that's true, then at least you'll have some control over this or choice otherwise. Now unless I was just looking for a random girl for a quick lay, then I would understand the numbers game concept...however, if I'm looking for someone that I'm really attracted to to have a friendship or relationship with, then the random numbers game wont quite cut it since you need to meet lots of people to find some compatability with someone, or you just settle with anyone who takes you on just to feel you have 'someone'.

 

However, I'm still want to try a few experiments such as the following:

 

1) Trying out Yates's suggestion to see if there is a difference of response.

If there is no difference, then #2:

 

2) Clone a profile by someone who is getting positive results, and see if the results would be congruent or not. If it's not congruent, and I'm still getting poor results on equivalent profiles, then perhaps it's likely it's really the photograph that's making the difference as opposed to anything else.

[Luke Skywalker]

The reason I'm a bit cynical about online dating is because I read someone did an experiment on plentyoffish as follows.

 

One person had a profile with a picture taken out of a men's fashion magazine, and the guy looked like a stud, and basically had a one-liner profile.

 

Another profile was taken with an AVERAGE looking guy, with lots of information in his profile, lots of data (unsure exactly about the style of data though).

 

The result was, the one-line photo with the studlike shot had lots of emails initiated by women, and most of it's replies were answered, while the AVERAGE looking guy had a poor turnout of results. Not too different from what I'm getting.

 

Of course, the only advantage of having few response on a SPECIFIC profile is hopefully you'll find a congruent match that identifies with the profile, but in terms of numbers games and all that, it would appear to be skewed in terms of how the guy's appeareance is.

 

This is why I asked about Yate33's photo, and if he's more attractive than the average guy, or if he ever had poor results before. However, I am open-minded enough to try out some new suggestions and just see what works or doesn't work.