tomtommyboy Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Nearly 7 MONTHS after my relationship ended, I've even had another (brief but fun) thing with another girl...and suddenly I'm feeling awful again. Just had a facebook stalking binge. Geez she's soooo moved on it's not true, new bf, new life at Uni, apparently having a great time with loads of friends. I know all this, have known it for months...yet it hurts all over again. I really thought I was moving on too. What is this I'm now feeling? Can I really still not have fully grieved? Or have I stupidly pulled myself back into the misery cycle by going on facebook and thinking about her again rather than continuing to focus on myself? Is this about "closure"? (we always said we'd be in touch again, but I ignored an email she sent a couple of months ago and now feel a little guilty as it was friendly and the least I could have done was be civil...) Feel like I'm going crazy here, feel this desperation to be in touch with her again, almost as badly as a few months ago. She was my first real love, we were both so happy and in love, it lasted 18 months and, all over again, I feel like there can never be anyone else. This is after about 2 MONTHS of feeling completely over her and like she really wasn't such a big deal in my life. Link to comment
nuttybuddy Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 You come so far. Hang on.... the light at the end of the tunnel is near. You'll be out soon. Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted August 23, 2007 Author Share Posted August 23, 2007 But I feel like I'm hoping again...like I'm still in love with her, want her back. Is it possible I've just been suppressing these feelings for 2 months rather than dealing with them? Link to comment
nuttybuddy Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 move on! she's got a new bf!!! Feelings are fickle. You're just having a momentary relapse. No you were not suppressing your lovey dovey feelings. They were truly gone... but things can remind you of her. Just don't get so obsessed with the reminders. Brush it off.... or just smile and move on. Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted August 23, 2007 Author Share Posted August 23, 2007 Hmm...I hope you're right. I suspect you probably are. Thanks, I needed that! Link to comment
Tethys Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Seven months is not a great deal of time to get over a relationship that lasted a year and a half, esp since you felt so strongly about her. It's natural that it hurts you to see her moving on. (I swear, Myspace and Facebook, etc, are pretty evil about this -- it's like a way to rub it in your face, yet you can't help but look!) I would, however, be careful about getting too involved with someone else if you are still hung up on the ex. Rebound relationships are no fun, especially for the new person. Link to comment
benga Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Hey Bud!! I promise you.. In a week you will be feeling different. What you are going through is natural and a part of the healing cycle. Don't get tempted to call her or meet with her. Keep yourself distracted and busy... This is a phase and I promise you, it will tide over very soon. Hang in there.. Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted August 23, 2007 Author Share Posted August 23, 2007 Thanks guys...I'm sure this is pretty temporary. And the pain is nothing like it was 6 months ago when everything was just so intense, so I am healing. I would, however, be careful about getting too involved with someone else if you are still hung up on the ex. Rebound relationships are no fun, especially for the new person. Actually the "new girl" ended things with me although I think part of the reason it didn't work was because I wasn't properly over my ex. Nevertheless, if anyone got hurt by it it was me...but I hear you. Rebounds suck. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 The lives people create on facebook and myspace do not always resemble reality! Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted August 23, 2007 Author Share Posted August 23, 2007 Well messages from other people on facebook to them do give you a bit of insight I think. They can't set up fake profiles and send themselves messages (well they could but in these cases they're definitely not!) But no, both sites are basically people advertising how great their lives are so probably not to be trusted... Link to comment
Up and Down Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 The lives people create on facebook and myspace do not always resemble reality! Isn't that the truth! Link to comment
beebee Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 if i had a myspace page, youd best believe it would be filled with fabulous things!... lol... dont believe everything you read... (i think youve heard that before)... God bless... beebee Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 A few months ago I got this email from my sister. It said "Oh my God! Look who I found!" And there was a link to a MySpace profile. It was my ex girlfriend from twelve years ago or so... I have no idea why my sister sent me that, but anyway. Yes, it was 12 years ago. But there was never any closure between us, and she cheated on me so it was a bitter end. Now, my girlfriend and I live together, we've been together for two years. I haven't even thought about my ex in so long... then there she is on my computer screen. Let me tell you... all that anger and all that hatred came right back to the surface. It only lasted for a few minutes, but still it was there. So, I can completely understand what you are feeling. It doesn't mean you haven't moved on... it's just human nature. Link to comment
Siriana Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Yes, I agree with HF. I have an ex (high school ex bf) - it's been around 9 years since i was with him. I still can't stand his way of talk, walk and if I saw him that wouldn't be such a nice meeting. I guess those early relationships are always in the back of your mind. With more experience you recover more easily and not so many things can surprise you. Since it's been 7 months I can claim with 100% certainty that you're normal. Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted August 30, 2007 Author Share Posted August 30, 2007 I really want to just call her and sort things out before the beginning of the new school year. Is that so strange? It's been months since we've been in touch, I don't think I have any feelings left and if I'm ever going to get any closure at all in all this then I just think we have to meet as friends, to bury the hatchet etc. What's wrong with that? (My friends and most people on these boards say it's a bad idea. But why?) No I'm not "sure" it won't set me back. But I'm already set back by having the feelings I do at the moment. I need an end point to this; and I think it may come from contact with her. Link to comment
Siriana Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Yeah, except you might call and she could be all happy and start talking about her new exciting life and not give you closure. That would suck. The moment you can get a closure alone by seeing things how they really were you are over it. I can't believe I am going to say such a pathetic expression, but closure comes from within not form another person. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Well messages from other people on facebook to them do give you a bit of insight I think. They can't set up fake profiles and send themselves messages (well they could but in these cases they're definitely not!) But no, both sites are basically people advertising how great their lives are so probably not to be trusted... cant they??????....oh my ex did... these places and the ppl on them, right....if they had such a great full life....they wouldnt be on there...they'd be snuggled up with there other halves and not needing to advertise themselves and their happy lives. and would you personally want to date someone who spent loads of time on there??? (usually having loadsa friends of the opposite sex...) no i wouldnt either... these sites are fine for the singletons looking to pass abit of time at work but thats it. as for calling her to set record straight or whatever that orrible closure word means...then thats upto you...if you really wanna = then do it...if it hurts you will get over it... Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted August 31, 2007 Author Share Posted August 31, 2007 Yeah, except you might call and she could be all happy and start talking about her new exciting life and not give you closure. That would suck. The moment you can get a closure alone by seeing things how they really were you are over it. I can't believe I am going to say such a pathetic expression, but closure comes from within not form another person. Yes sorry to have used the dread "c" word...sometimes there's no other way of putting it though! The thing is, I think her new life is pretty happy, I'm not looking for confirmation that she's miserable without me and that genuinely wouldn't make me happy anyway. I suppose it would be nice to know she's missed me...but she's unlikely to announce that over the phone anyway. Really and truly, I don't have unrealistic expectations about what contact would mean (she's got a new bf who I hear she's very happy with and I'm OK with that...and in any case I've got someone new on the cards too who I'm excited about, this really isn't about hoping to get her back I don't think). I really can't work my feelings out on this. I think it's partly that I wish I'd got back to her in a civil way 2 1/2 months ago when she emailed me for my birthday (which was a nice gesture), i.e. I'm just feeling bad about that. Maybe a polite, friendly brief email (much like hers was) to wish her the best for the new school year is the answer here...or maybe this is just impatience for the healing process to fully work, in which case I ought to do nothing. Thanks to all repliers and to anyone who's followed this thread this far! Feeling like a bit of a head-case here lol... Link to comment
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