Shy girl desperately desiring shy guy

[stellastrawberry]

There is a man I am desperately attracted to. He is a bartender at a place I frequent. Both he and I are generally attractive, engaging individuals who have no problem carrying on conversations with people. The exception to this seems to be each other. I have often caught him looking at me, long looks that he does nothing to hide when I catch him. He will stare at me many times in an evening, catching and holding my gaze far beyond a casual glance. When I run into him elsewhere as well, our eyes meet with an intensity and intimacy that belies our complete inability to say more than "hi, how are you" when face to face. We simply cannot seem to make a conversation. He makes me so nervous I cannot form complete sentences, and quickly run away so as to avoid embarrassment. I am so intimidated by him that I can be aloof to the point of rudeness. Even if he is attracted to me, and perhaps realizes that I am attracted to him, I generally make myself so completely unapproacheable that no man without the self confidence of a rock star would be likely to take the risk.

There have been definite signs that I discompose him as much as he does me. I just don't know what to do. At this rate, nothing will ever happen. Incidentally, we are not young. I'm 27 years old! I can't believe I am so cluesless. Sorry this is long, I just have to get it out of me. This man doesn't have a girlfriend, he's smart, funny, a really good guy. I don't want to miss this opportunity, and yet I feel helpless. No matter how many times I resolve to just ask him out, I always chicken out and think "next time." But there won't always be a next time. AAcchh. I don't even know what I am asking. Probably I want to know if he is attacted to me. Part of me finds it hard to believe that he is, being that this has been going on for months. On the other hand, here I am pining for him.

So what do you shy guys think? He stares at me a LOT. He maintains good eye contact, but then cannot talk to me. When he does speak to me, its often a non sequiter. He fiddles a lot when I am around, his hair, his face. He speaks easily to everyone else in the room, but we, two intelligent, socially adept individuals cannot say more than a strangled "Hi." I could of course give play by plays of our every encoounter, but that probably wouldn't be of interest to you, so I'll skip it. But good lord, if any of you have any insight into how to make this happen I would be ever so greatful. I know its a tall order, but any feedback would be great. Thanks so much for your patience, for those who read all the way to the end! Its been very comforting reading the shy people postings. I don't feel like such a freak!

[scotty77]

Write your phone number on a note,pass it to him and say,''if you are interested,give me a call.''

[lakerfan3118]

oh, come on stawberry!

 

what do you have to lose in this situation?

just come up with something random, and he'll go along with it if he is interested [which he more than likely is, according to your description]...

 

opportunities like these are few and far between- make the most of it!