NC in HighSchool

[JFk]

Hi all,

First I would like to say you have an extremely remarkable community here and the topics here have helped me immensely over the past few days.

I've just gone though an extremely sudden and painful breakup about two days ago (we broke up on the first day of school) after about a 1 1/4 year relationship (which turns out to have been riddle with codependency issues and her emotionally abusing me) of a and for the most part after the initial shock I've taken many concepts off this site and can say that I've been happier today then in several months however I still am facing a long and hard road but the fact that were both in High School is making NC extremely hard for me.

The more serious issue is that we’ve been at different schools for the past two years and now I must face her (thank god I have no classes with her) and the guy she left me for (two classes with him), not to mention just the fact that I must now see them together in the halls, during lunch, ect. I’ve accepted that she’s with another man and that our relationship will never exist and even the thought of her having sex with the guy doesn’t bother me to much. I’m having trouble staying away from her though; I find excuses to get my friends to follow me to places where I know she hangs out. I also am feeling sudden pings of white hot anger that I am afraid might end up directed at one of them and knowing him he would have no chance of defending himself (he is about 6 in. shorter then me and nowhere near the physical shape I’m in). I’ve only been able to pull myself though by blasting my music, riding my bike blasting my music (not too safe in the city, I did over 50 miles today alone) talking to one my mentors who’s a psychologist and listing to “The Strangest Secret” and reaffirming my goals in life. What else can I do? I feel I’ve gotten though the hardest part but breaking the final strands and forgiving are coming hard to me because I have to stare in the face of the guy that completely turned my life upside down.

 

The other reason that this is extremely hard for me is the fact that it turns out that she was a very codependent person and I was only able to realize this in retrospect. My fatal mistake is that I interpreted her codependency issues as love, trust, ect. and in turn became codependent myself. I feel that she is the only person on earth who I can talk with face to face and drop all the macho BS and talk about extremely deep issues. I’v tried my best over the past few days but I slipped yesterday and talked with her for an hour over the phone about this, I begged for another chance because talking about deep emotional issues made me feel close to her but I quickly realized my mistake and asked for NC. She is being a great sport about it, she’s changed her myspace password, did not respond to my single slip up text today (that actually asked her to stop staring at me and my friend during lunch), and she’s stopped im’ing me. HOW can I treat my codependency issues without replying on her for emotional support!?!?!

[Sir Tristan CA]

oooooooh boy.... yeah, this is an interesting one for me because I myself experienced this same situation.

 

First thing first, find a hobby. Seriously, it helps. I hate the guts of the guy that ruined my relationship with my ex-GF, but seeing as how some old farts made laws preventing me from kicking his ass every which way, I had to find something else to do to soothe me. I chose video games and painting. I paint cell phones and other electronics and do custom jobs for people. It makes money, and it keeps my mind off of him. Forgiveness? You don't ever have to forgive her if she isn't apologizing. Simple as that. But don't take that as meaning you should hold a grudge. Don't forgive her, but just move on.

 

As for co-dependency issues... Wow, first off, I'm impressed that you did so much research into what it is you're feeling. That's a sign that you know something is wrong, and knowledge is power.

 

As for ideas? Try (and this will be difficult as all heck, believe me) to find another girl. Now, finding a girl that wants to date YOU is not hard. Finding a girl that YOU want to date is. Try to pick someone completely different from what your Ex is like though. You may be surprised that the type of girl you thought you wanted is not the best type for you.