Broken up for over a month and want to get back in any way

[ROJOE]

My girlfriend of two years and I broke up a little over a month ago. We were living with each other, and I'm really confused about what's going on. It seems as though this is something we both wanted for a while. I had changed while we were together and some personal issues I was dealing with weren't communicated very well. The stress of these issues ultimately rolled over into our relationship. I was blinded by this and our situation kept getting worse. I had an edge to my personality that we both didn't enjoy, and I'm working on that right now. I think it was a good idea to spend time and space apart. I just didn't communicate it very well that we should of just taken a break instead of breaking up. I think she has decided to move on and be happy with her life (while she's dating another guy, but it's not serious), but I'm having a hard time dealing with the break up. I realized a couple of weeks ago (a moment of clarity if you will) that I think we're much better together than apart in the long run. We always talked about marriage and kids and what not, and I want to grow old with this woman. We had this unique chemistry that I inadvertently ruined in about six months time. I believe our problems were a lot smaller than she did. She's VERY sensitive and I can understand why she thinks they're so important. However, I believe that we can work through them and reap the rewards in the future. It's such a sticky situation b/c I know any kind of pressure (which I may have done a little) will send her running. I've written a letter to her explaining how I feel and how I think we should be together and that I would do anything to get her back, but not now. We need the time apart. I'm just now to the point where I'm not talking to anyone about it anymore and trying to keep myself busy, and working on things that I believe started sabotaging our relationship. It's just eating me up inside. Am I delusional? Can this work down the road? How can I stay fresh on the burner in the back of her mind without making her feel uncomfortable? I have all these questions, I found this place, and I need a course of action. I have a hard time believing "it is what it is." An other such cliches. Please help soon.

[persephonesleeps]

give her a chance to respond to the letter...and then go from there

people need time after getting a letter like that...don't push her

try to be patient

[ROJOE]

She has already read the letter and replied the same day stating in a email she wanted to talk to me the beginning of the following week. However, that was last Thursday, and last Friday she took off for a bachelorette party for the weekend. One of my good friends was there with her and suggested that she write me something back instead of meeting with her and inadvertently say something wrong. I'm trying to patient, but I hope this rebound thing with this guy is all it is; just a rebound thing and nothing else. Is anyone else reading this? Is patiently waiting the right thing to do? I'm afraid that the longer I wait, the more she'll forget about me. Is there any truth to that? How can I stay fresh in her mind?

[Gaz]

I was with my gf for 4 years, we were very happy together and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but I made some mistakes which she saw as serious but I didnt and we split up in June this year. I tried everything to get her back, flowers, letters, emails but it just made her more angry. Now ive just said I love you and Im giving you space and I wont contact her again. I think thats the best for me. I would say just let her know your thinking about her but dont overdo it otherwise you might push her away further. Im still upset and angry now but it does get easier. If she really loves you she`ll come back. Good luck.

[ROJOE]

I appreciate both of your replies. However, I'm not sure about the advice. I received a letter from her. She basically said that she thought we would be happier apart, that I never really listened to her, and who knows what God had in store for us in the future. I'm really sad about this. And I'm not sure if it's because I'm lonely or what. I don't think so, but what do I know?? I know that time will heal this, but I wish I could be more aggressive with the situation without pushing her. I KNOW it can work, but it's convincing her that I'm having a tough time dealing with. Any more suggestions? Will not interacting with her make her feel that she misses me?

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

 

I understand you and your ex broke up a little over a month ago. I also understand that you wrote her a letter explaining how you felt towards your relationship, and that she responded saying she didn't want to try again right now.

 

First of all, I'd like to point out that you and she are in a bit of agreement. She said she thought you two would be happier apart, you said you felt you needed some time apart for now. She also said who knows what God has in store for your future. I don't think she's writing you off, I think she's saying exactly what you are, not now.

 

Secondly, you already know that you have some things you need to fix. While I don't agree with her rebound relationship, I understand that this may be her way of dealing with things. In this time apart, you will both grow, but that does not neccessarily mean you will grow apart.

 

I notice a lot on this forum that people are always worried their ex is going to, or already did, forget them. I'd like to bring some insight to this. I broke up with my ex 2 and a half years ago. We had an off again on again relationship for quite some time, and now we are reaching a record of not speaking for 5 months. Now, the insight from this is, 5 months later, I still think of him. Obviously, as I'm writing about him. My point is, just because someone is no longer with you, or they have moved on to someone new, doesn't mean that they completely forget you or their feelings for you. I cared very deeply for my ex, and some of me still does. Would I date him again? I doubt it, but our relationship was very rocky.

 

My point is, if you let your ex go, give her some space, I can almost guarantee she will not forget you. I suggest you let go, move on. Maybe sometime in the future, when you both have healed, you can try a friendship. And depending on your feelings then, take it from there. Don't hope for a future with her, but realize that it is possible, anything is possible. But right now, it's best for both of you to spend some time apart. You both agree on this, so act on it. It's hard, but you have already begun trying to get on with your life. I encourage you to continue that road, and let God, fate or whomever take care of this relationship for a while. Sometimes the harder you try for something, the farther it gets from you. And love always seems to find you when you least expect it.

 

Keep your heart and mind open, and look forward while remembering what has past. Life is too short to let it pass.

 

Best wishes!