My husband is 26 and she is 17....

[evefreak]

I have recently learned that my husband has feelings for a 17 year old girl that he works with. From his point of view, he felt a "click" as soon as he laid eyes on her and that by being with me, he may not be filling his "destiny" and I am not his "soul mate."

 

He says that he and I have nothing in common, not even the same recreational or musical interestes. Yeah, sure we like different music. So what? He says we fight all the time and it's true, we do fight a lot. Let me tell you why.

 

From the beginning, he stayed home to take care of our newborn daughter and I have been the breadwinner. In addition to working full time, I came home to clean the house (because he seldom did) and to care for the baby (because he needed a break). I also cooked dinner because he rarely did and when it was all said and done, I got online to make extra cash (freelance writing) because still, my income did not cover it all. I paid the bills because he would not pay them on time and in short - before, during and after taking care of our daughter, he was on the computer. Day and night.

 

He now has a night job, sleeps all day and the care of my now 2 year old has gone to my father. So have chores - he still does not lift a finger. I am still doing pretty much everything and as a result, I am a stressed out * * * * *. His biggest argument is that I am a * * * * * - but he rolls his eyes when I try to talk to him about why.

 

So now this girl has entered the picture and he is "not sure" if he wants to be with me or not. He says he wants to be friends, that he loves me, and that I need to always be in his life because we are "best friends." The sex is actually really hot (it always has been) and he makes jokes about how we'll still probably cheat with each other after we move on, and things to that nature. I personally think it is a load of bull. He is leading me on!

 

He cannot survive without me - he pulls in barely $250 a week. He does not want to be with me anymore, but he is waiting until he doesn't need to be with me anymore. Frankly, I am done. With a capital D. Unfortunately, I have a "please love me" nature about me and whenever he is around, I am super-nice, bending over backwards to try to make him love me again. This is subconscious on some levels. When he is not around, I feel like I have been slapped into reality again and I can see him for the scum that he is.

 

I deserve better than him, I know this. This girl that he likes is dog ugly. They can have each other - she is a homewrecker and a * * * * * (literally - she sleeps with tons of guys and girls) and they truly deserve each other.

 

My problem is, our lease comes up in March. Neither of us can break the lease and we need time to save up money. He needs a better paying job and it took over a year for him to get the one he has now, he is so lazy. How can I deal with another 8 months of this? Living with him, living with this? I will go insane before I actually get to leave! If I could leave now, I could begin healing! I could begin to move on and begin to pick up the pieces of my life that he has shattered.

 

How can I get through the next 8 months with him before I can leave? ](*,)

[Blue Skittles]

Talk to your landlord about the situation. Not every detail of course but that you are splitting up. Usually you can sign one person off the lease, so maybe he can sign you off the lease or vice versa. Or maybe because of the circumstances your landlord will allow you to break the lease. You have already made the decision to move on. You do not need to live with him for 8 more months, that is like you said, going to make you go insane. Saving money is really not of your concern here. I'm sure your father will continue to help out the child. As you said you have been the one bringing in the cash so really its not going to be much different if he leaves. He will have to learn to deal with it on his own and I'm sure he is fully capable of taking care of himself, he just hasn't because you've been doing it for him all this time.

[redrose85]

Is there anyone that you can stay with for awhile, and maybe get free or really low rent with them, so that you can afford to break the lease? You definitely need to leave the scumbag and lowlife, and I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. The other option is to wait it out (once you've done your time, that's it, you're done!) and then move on with your life, onto bigger and better things

[Samedy]

The sex is actually really hot (it always has been) and he makes jokes about how we'll still probably cheat with each other after we move on,

 

I think this is a very telling/disturbing quote right here. It just seems like he doesn't/wouldn't think much of cheating. That statement trivializes the hurt and pain that can occur as the result of cheating.

[evefreak]

I will probably wait out the 8 months to save money. I will have to buy some furniture, deposit on an apartment and I will need a car of my own. I think I'll call it the "F*** You Fund." LOL! How can I make it emotionally? Sometimes he acts like nothing is even wrong, taking me out to the movies and having great sex afterwards.

 

Should I just secretly save money and go along with whatever until the time comes and then do my thing? Another problem is that he is so seriously lazy that he probably won't even have a new job by March and it will basically be like kicking him out on the street. We have agreed on 50/50 custody, but if he's still making only $250 a week and has a ridiculously cheap apartment - how can my daughter stay with him? That would be like an efficiency/studio apartment! My daughter needs her own space and her own room now that she is growing up, and whenever I say that, he just blows me off like it won't matter.

 

The very LAST, LAST, LAST thing I would want to do is take primary custody in a divorce but if he does not have means to take care of her...what choice will I be left with?

 

Should I help him find a job and help him to find an apartment just so that won't happen? Or do I need to let him fend for himself? I wish it had no effect on my little girl whatsoever...then I'd feed him to the wolves. LOL! He needs to grow up and learn. He has never lived on his own...he went from his dad's to the army to my house to his uncle's house to back with me. He has never supported himself! I guess my wishful thinking that he will find a nice place and I will find a nice place and we will go our separate ways without so much as an issue is just that - wishful thinking.

 

Thanks guys for all your support even though I'm new here!

[evefreak]

The sex is actually really hot (it always has been) and he makes jokes about how we'll still probably cheat with each other after we move on,

 

I think this is a very telling/disturbing quote right here. It just seems like he doesn't/wouldn't think much of cheating. That statement trivializes the hurt and pain that can occur as the result of cheating.

 

You are right. I cheated on him before we married and it devestated him (and I regret it more than he will ever, ever know. We were 800 miles apart for years at the time). But now he says that he doesn't believe in marriage and that it's just a piece of paper. He says that men were created to want to procreate - meaning, that men were not created to be monogamous.

 

What in God's name?????