Girlfriend wants a break...

[xkill]

Hello.

 

Well me and my girlfriend have been together for close to 4 months now. Things have been awesome for the both of us. We have alot in common and we always make each other happy. It even has gotten to the point where sometimes we're both clingy to each other, which I don't mind. There isn't a day that goes by where she says she loves me and I make her happy. Things in the bedroom are also great, we both enjoy each others company very well.

 

She wanted to move to Las Vegas together... I thought about it and said sure! We were good to go and had things ready for October. Up until a week ago she said she wanted to take a break. Her reason was not only because she thought we were moving too fast but because her ex recently told her that he returned the ring he bought when he was going to propose to her in Oct. Before we started dating she would tell me she hated being with him and he never treated her right. She tells me that she feels a bit confused and just wants to think about what she wants.

 

What should I do? Just leave her alone for a few weeks? When she first told me she wanted a break I kinda freaked out and said I didn't want to lose her and that I loved her. I know that was a bad move on my part.

 

I know for a fact that shes been hanging out and partying with some friends, which is kool. The other day she told me she wouldn't be able to keep on partying anymore soon though and that she was almost done paying off her ex (they shared a few things together so she owes him money.) So I don't know. One day she tells me I make her happy, the next she says she wants a break.

 

Thanx in advance for your replies.

[Lana0120]

It sounds like you're getting prepared for the next stage of your relationship quite quickly, so I'd say give her that break for a few weeks (as hard as that is) and then see where she's at after that. If she can't give you a definite answer at that point, then I would say move on, but hopefully it won't come to that.

[xkill]

Should I be worried about her getting back with her ex?

 

He tells her that he has changed and what not. The other day she told a friend of mine that she still likes him somewhat but isn't sure if he really has changed, BUT likes me alot and likes the way I treat her. There are so many things a want to tell her in person, but I know if I do I'll seem too clingy and it will end up pushing her farter away.

[Entropy Smith]

You got it! Clingy=her running back to her ex, which won't work out, to get rid of you .

 

Agreeing to move to Vegas, big mistake! No woman respects a guy who drops what he's doing to follow her.

 

He who cares the least in a relationship wields the power. Quit being alittle boy, start giving her some distance and focus on yourself, which she wants you to to show her you have a life/backbone/self-respect.

 

But just about every guy who is in this situation can't keep NC or stay relaxed in the girls presense so i'm betting she gets back wtih the ex by labor day...

[Lana0120]

Yes, I think that under these circumstances, concern about her ex is reasonable, but that there is nothing you can do about it unfortunately. You're absolutely right to give her space here.

[xkill]

Alrighty. That was my original plan at the start. For now I'm just hanging out with friends and avoiding her.

 

Here's another situation... we both work together. Mostly different times, I work during the morning til afternoon she starts afternoon til night. Should I just act more like a friend at work? Like smiling and saying hello hows it going? Or just completely cut her off?

[Entropy Smith]

Don't cut her off. Be civil but focused on work. No big smiling, no questions on hows it going...when your shift is over...no goodbyes...your are in a pivotal point here...stay humble, relaxed, friendly and indifferent...and she'll be back with you by labor day...but do know she sounds alittle all over the place/drama-queen so as soon as you resort to telling her those things you really want to/being clingy she's gone as a GF anyway...

[Lana0120]

I agree 100 per cent with Entropy.

[xkill]

Kool. Thanx guys.

 

This is my first time in a situation like this. I appreciate the honest advice.

[xkill]

Well. Shes been talking with her ex and looks like they might be getting back together. She actually hasn't told me anything, but I read her blog saying that she made the mistake of leaving him.

 

I don't know why. He treated her like crap and she herself hated him. Even told her friends she was stupid for being with him. And now she runs back to him.

 

I haven't talked to her in about 2 weeks now. I guess that I now know whats going on, I'll continue to ignore her. Everyone that knows her personally was shocked to hear the news... even her very own family was disappointed. I know though that she won't last long with him again. He doesn't deserve her...

 

This sux. One day she tells me I make her happy and she loves me the next day I don't even exsist.

[xkill]

How do I move on?

 

I'm thinking about quitting my job...

 

Bah. >_

[Clabs]

Hey xkill

 

I am so sorry to hear about your cr@ppy situation - I have been right where you have been and feel your pain.

 

How do you move on? Well - do what you are doing. Leave her alone - ignore her.

 

It is time for you now. Make yourself very very busy - tire yourself out physically and mentally. Don't quit your job - it is the last thing you need to have a whole bunch of time on your hands. Get to the gym, run, got out with friends, have fun, start a new hobby, go to the strip club, lean on friends and family for support. Come back on here in your times of weakness because you will get lots of good advice and support here.

 

It will not be easy, but you were fine before her and you will be fine afterwards.

 

Take care fella.

 

Mark

[xkill]

Thanx. That's what I've been doing lately. Just going back to my old self. And hanging out with friends and family.

 

Hopefully I'll come accross someone better near the future.

 

Thanx for the support guys.

[Clabs]

Hey xkill

 

That's the spirit fella!

 

Once the dust settles on this you will feel a whole lot better about your situation.

 

Yes - there are plenty more girls out there who will be into you big time. Enjoy your freedom whilst you have it!

 

Mark

[tomtommyboy]

I think it's different in different cases; it isn't necessarily a bad thing, sometimes it should just be taken at face value.

 

In terms of the original poster: if this girl is going to run back to her abusive relationship then she isn't someone you want in your life. I feel sorry for women who can't break out of those situations, who are willing victims, whatever; but it's their funeral ultimately. You haven't lost anything if she's choosing an actively abusive relationship over you. This is a situation where the phrase "her loss" really is true. For what it's worth there were a lot of red flags here which you hopefully will learn to spot in the future. She hadn't broken up with her fiance that long ago; things were moving waay too fast IMO (moving to a new city together after 4 months?!) Not criticising you here, just hoping you will spot this sort of thing in the future, the best way to look at relationship endings (which are never nice) is as learning tools for the future.

 

Of course it'll hurt; but that won't last too long after 4 months. Good luck!