Same Song Different Tune

[indyspaper]

Hi everyone? Just want some unbias advice and different perspectives. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months and I was keeping him at bay because I didn't feel like he was ready to commit to a relationship. He had just gotten full custody of his son and was working through lots of court issues and although there was chemistry I thought it was best for him to concentrate on whats most important HIS SON!!!. This was the main reason I thought that we should try to take things slow. Also, it is drama with the son situation and I was working through if this is something I want to handle.

Well come to find out that he has had a live in girl friend the entire time we have been dating. Of course, now some of the weird things that has happened makes since, like coming late for a date or movie night for the lack of a babysitter and thigns. He had every opportunity to tell me, but he pursued a relationship with me and i was in total shock to find out that he has a live in girlfriend. He did not tell me, I found out when I called the house and she said kindly stated that she would appreciate if I wouldn't call the house but call his cell phone. I was in shock and we talked for a while and decided we would comfront him. Which we did. He made up this story and said she was not his girl friend but an ex. But at this point I am very confused, because he told me that he broke up with an ex 6 months prior. I am confused by the entire thing and really shouldn't be, but that is what lies do.

 

But the thing is I really care about him, and I thought that we really had something here. I don't want it to be over and hate that things turned out the way it did. He claims and have claimed all along that he loved me and I am the one for him. Of course he states that he was scared to tell me the truth and was trying to end things with her. That when we first met he didn't know that we would hit it off so well and that things would be this way. I believe that he cares about me and that is what makes things difficult.

 

There is entire drama surrounding this man with his baby mama drama, court cases for custody, live in girl friend that he now claims cheated on him and when he found out he was in the middle of getting his son and then he just stayed with her because he needed her to care for his son. Which if that was the case, why he couldn't tell me that in the beginning and let me decide if I would stick around as a friend or just bounce.

 

I just wish that he had the character to tell me the truth and maybe things could have been different. But there will always be a thought that what if everything is a lie. I just don't know if its worth trying to work through this unnecessary drama.

 

My friends and family don't understand that I really liked him and we were closer then I let on. So of course they are telling me to leave it walk away its not worth it. But, we really connected within the 6 months, because of the conversations and valued time spent. That I am attached and at times i thought he could be the one. But with this rocky start and such lies, is it worth it. Does anyone have a tip or two? Am I being a fool, for love.

[flower99]

I just wish that he had the character to tell me the truth and maybe things could have been different.

 

Absolutely!!!!!!

I think this line says it all. You want & deserve a man with enough of a character & intergity to tell you the truth.

 

He had EVERY opportunity to tell you the truth, instead he fed you lies.

 

You still have feelings for him, totally understandable. However how much of it is based on truth. he began this relationship on lies & that sets the course for the entire relationship, you will always be wondering....is he lying? Personally I wouldn't persue the relationship. I think this eye opening discovery is a sign from God. A warning. Pay attention to it. Clear as day, he's been lying since day 1. there is no excuse that makes it okay.

 

You deserve a man that will be up front & honest from day 1. That is a man of integrity & good character. That makes a strong & healthy relationship. Don't settle. this man is showing you who he is & what he does, this isn't one you can over look.

[chickidee23]

You may have connected with him but do you hear yourself? You are talking him up like he's some kind of good guy! Look at the facts... you yourself stated that he had every opportunity to tell you about his live-in "ex" girlfriend. It's not as if you were only dating him for a few weeks or a month... it was 6 months!!! He said he loved you and thought you could be the one. Yet he was never, ever completely honest with you. Do you want to get more involved with someone who can't even respect you enough to tell you the truth? Even if she is just an ex, he should have told you before he started saying that he loved you and whatever else.

 

End it. Listen to your family and friends. If you stay with him, you're pretty much telling him to go ahead and walk all over you. Don't you deserve someone who is going to respect you? Of course you do!!! Ditch the scumbag and go find yourself something better... it won't be hard to do.

 

Good luck.

[rootcause43]

As I like to say "Past performance is indicative of future performance"

 

My unbiased thought is to call it a day and end it before you get any deeper.

[flower99]

My friends and family don't understand that I really liked him and we were closer then I let on. So of course they are telling me to leave it walk away its not worth it. But, we really connected within the 6 months, because of the conversations and valued time spent. That I am attached and at times i thought he could be the one.

 

When you invision 'the one' did you invision him lying to you from the first day ongoing for 6 months about his child and gf(or ex) he's living with?

 

you may have felt a connection, however he left the truth about his life out of...so how real was the connection?

 

I think you feel attached to the Illusion of the relationship (Illusion- something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.) You deserve honesty, truth, respect, openess, faith & true love. You deserve & can have much more than this. don't stick around go find yourself a man who will be honest from day one, it's a stronger foundation & you'll feel much better than being fed lies.

 

You predict future behavior by past behavior.