I went 2 the police and now my life is in ruins

[still hurting]

Well, as I've posted before I started seeing a therapist about my situation (if you don't know my sitcho here's the link: ) on Monday. I asked the therapist before I even started talking to her if she was a mandated reporter. She told me the only was she would break our confidentiality is if she was asked to by the courts or if my life was in danger. Well, that all changed...when we were done with the session she told me that because he has access to other children she has to make a police report if I don't.

 

So yesterday I told the pastor of my church everything and he set up a meeting with my foster parents and told them everything. Then me and my foster dad went down to the county jail and he turned himself in. He posted $5,000 bail and was released this morning. He will go to court in aprox 3 weeks but it sounds like they're just going to dismiss the case.

 

My pastor called me and told me not to tell anyone what has happened because it will only cause people harm. So it sounds like he is going to be able to just carry on like normal and nobody will be affected by it besides me. My pastor is treating it like an affair because I was over 18 the last year and a half of it all and he is practically dismissing everything that happened 3 years prior.

 

I've now lost my job, my car and my house and I've got like $300 in the bank. I have to move away but I have nowhere to go. I have no family and I have no car and I have no job and no money. This is such a nightmare! I was just trying to get some help and it all backfired.

[Miss Firecracker]

Does he still have fostering privileges?

 

Why did you lose your job? I'm so sorry.

[HappyAsALark]

Still Hurting,

First all, please don't feel down on yourself right now. Be proud that this chapter of your life is coming to an end and it will all be over soon enough. Yes you may have lost your job and may be struggling, but in the positive light, these bad things will not be happening to you any longer. Stay positive and stay focused and stay away from your pastor, he does not seem like a very healthy influence.

[Ash]

Sorry, but in my opinion the pastor is wrong. As you point out, your foster dad was a respected man in the ministry, I'm assuming this is the same church. If so, I'd suspect your pastor is attempting to offer the guilty party more protection. He should not be working from that motive at all. Your pastor should be most concerned about your well being but unfortunately that doesn't sound to be the case.

 

That is very unfortunate and making things even worse for you.

 

I would return to your therapist and ask for any help she can offer in getting your life back on track in terms of regaining employment and the other things you have lost. If she was bound to see a police report was made in order to protect lives then she should also be willing to see what can be done to explain what happened to an employer if you lost your job as a result of this. It may be possible in that way to get your job back.

 

Other than that, although this awful thing has happened you CAN start to move past it. You don't need to feel like you have to protect anybody. You are young and you should be able to find a job somewhere and built your life. You are a victim of abuse, you are NOT to blame for this.

[still hurting]

I lost my job because he is the owner of the company that I work for and even if he does not go to prision I do not think I can ever go back there.

 

I am trying to move to a little town about 3.5 hours from where I live now but it's so hard. I have no money. I am going to the therapist on Monday to see if I can get any money from victim's compensation. If I can't get anything out of them I might try to go on disability for my depression for a little bit, just until I can get a job.

 

If anyone out there is religious I could really use your prayers...this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, it is honestly hell on earth.

[Beyondthesea]

That pastor is VERY WRONG to tell you not to tell everyone and just dismiss everything and leave you out in the cold. Yes, this will harm people...YOU!

 

Trust me when I say, you will get through this and the strength you have already is pulling you through right now. God is definitely with you.

 

Ask for a solution and one will be presented to you. Remember to ask and He will answer.

[Miss Firecracker]

still hurting,

 

You absolutely CAN apply for disability for your depression. And if you have one person who will drive you to the Social Security office to vouch that you are ill, they will start benefits at the first of next month. Just don't go in alone. They won't do it that way if you take yourself there. I hope you have one person who will do you this favor.

 

That's all you have to do. But if I were you, I'd certainly wait until you get a doctor's support on paper. That will be good.

 

I'll pray for you.

 

P.S. Disability Determination may ask you to see another doctor to verify that you are telling the truth, so expect that. It can take a very long time to determine if they will give you benefits for long term. But regardless of the decision, you will not have to pay any of the money they give you back. If they send you to a doctor, you won't have to pay a cent.

 

Sorry I missed your post yesterday.

[Ash]

Watcher, I hardly think it's fair to blame Still Hurting for allowing this to happen. That's simply not right, nor is it fair and it's not really something that should even be brough up. I'm sure just about any series of incidents could be averted by a specific somebody doing a specific something. For example, this perverted man could have simply NOT done what HE did the first time and it never would have happened. That would be a far easier thing to have had happen.

 

No, I don't think it's correct, fair or helpful to imply that any of the blame should fall on Still Hurting. It just isn't. She was abused and taken advantage of. It was simply not her fault.

[still hurting]

Thank you for your much needed prayers and words of encouragement. My sister is going to take me to the doctor...I also spoke to the police detective that took my report and she is going to get me some money from victim's compensation. So hopefully that will be enough for me to relocate and start my life over.

[Ash]

Excellent! It sounds like those are steps in the right direction. Keep moving ahead like that. It's much nicer to hear you say that your thinking is now along the lines to starting your life over. Far better than when you first posted. Well done, a good attitude will help you greatly.

 

In reference to your sig, the nightmare is over, you're starting to wake up.

[Miss Firecracker]

I'm glad you are getting financial help to get a fresh start.

 

And start holding your chin up, as you have nothing to be ashamed of. You were abused in the wost way ever. This man will get to carry on as before, and that is life.

 

I get so very upset when anyone comes down on a person who is molested and doesn't report it. It doesn't matter what age you were, 5, 10, 15, doesn't matter at all. You were just as dependent on that man at 15 as you would have been at a younger age. God knows things can only get better for you.

 

Hang in there!!!