So frustrated, there is no other option but to give up

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

It's a joke now.

 

I pray for the girl. I vision her in my life.

 

She appears in my life and she is either seeing someone or does not find me attractive.

 

This is not something that has been going on for just a few months or even a few years. It has been this way for the last 22 years.

 

I always thought it was my shyness and or my looks, which it is when it comes to the single ones who want someone else. But even the shyest of the shy guys get opportunities that they regret. Women flock to good looking guys, so I have to try hard to prove to her that I am worthy, but if I try too hard, I am accused of not being myself. It's like there is a fine line with guys like me and we can't sway one way or the other, otherwise we lose that pinch's chance of hooking up.

 

Now I am beyond frustration because I think so positive about when she will appear, and miraculously, she does. Then, a few days later, I either find out she has someone in her life, or that I am COMPLETELY the opposite of what she goes for, thus I am seen as some sort of sweet, funny sideshow.

 

I've turned everywhere and have found gift boxes with no present inside. I have tried and tried and applied and all I get are laughable results that answer my calling with a twist of evil.

 

It's not even half the girls are taken. Most of them are, and the ones that aren't, couldn't care less for me.

 

I don't know how guy do it other than physical attraction because I remain positive and get negative results. The whole 'don't give up' crap I hear is good advice for me when I was 25, maybe 30. I'll be 35 in 6 months and in those 35 years, 22 have been experiencing this pain over and over and over again.

 

No one has to respond, I just feel like venting since there is nothing else I can do!

[flower99]

Hey there,

I'm sorry you haven't been having much luck. I'm sorry women aren't seeing your beauty.

I know you don't want to hear it but stay positive. It is a wonderful quality. And the right women will come. I don't know why she hasn't yet, but maybe timing isn't quite right?? who knows...? Just Stay positive & keep praying. But stop looking. There is one perfect one & when you find her she will be worth the wait.

[Luke Skywalker]

I feel the same way that you do allot of times, but that's probably a good idea to give up, if something is a downer in life and is a source of depression then it's wise to take a good break on it or something. Take the time to discover yourself and other sources of happiness away from women.

 

I'm also thinking of giving up too and know how you feel. I have my own world, I like watching Doctor Who on youtube and renting DVD's, and enjoy spending time with myself and I'd likely enjoy my own company then being with other people anyway.

 

What about other male friends and women you are not attracted to, do you want to work on that base at least, see if you can expand your social circles.

[_Tiki_]

You're trying too hard. Love yourself, let go off all the fears and worries and I promise the girl will find you. It might not happen over night, but you are going to have to be very strong and patient. I guess you could give up trying to get her in to your life and start making room for her in your life. Do you have a nice outfit for your 1st date? What would you do for her? Would you buy her flowers? Is there something you want to share with her? Think about that. You've prayed and made your request for your dream woman, now let it manifest! It's like a cd I listened to on manifestation. If you ask the waiter repeatedly for your order does it come any faster? No. In fact by asking and praying over and over again, it's like saying you don't have faith that you'll meet her. That is blocking her from coming in to your life.

 

Let go of all expectations because she is proberbly looking for you just as hard and maybe, just maybe you're missing each other because you are looking in the wrong places. Let her come to you! x

 

Seriously, I bet she does if you let it go.

[Pegasus]

Heeey Kyo,

 

long time no reading your posts. To tell you the truth I really missed them. I do understand you need to vent once in a while. We all do. But both you and I know you won't give up because if you weren't a fighter you would give up a long time ago. So, now it's not a good time to give up and never will be.

 

I do understand you're trying, maybe too hard sometimes and that it can't be seen as not being yourself. To tell you the truth, you can do everything right but it still won't work. You know why? Do you? I won't give you crap like "you have to love yourself first" or "you need to be confident" etc etc.. Even if you do it all right it might not work. Because this is life. It's not fair but nobody ever said it would be.

 

We all get different cards when we're born. Some get good cards some of us, not so good. But you have to play with those you got. And I know you're doing it every day and it's not easy. How do I know? I do that too. And I don't like it, I often feel like giving up but then...then I see her face...and like in a song - I'm a believer that good thing could happen to me to. And it will. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but I believe it will.

 

I don’t know, maybe I’m just venting too and all I wrote is useless but anyway, it’s here if you want to think about it.

 

Your friend,

P.

[ShredGnar]

You sound exactly like me, its almost scary haha. I feel your pain bro and guess what, looks don't mean as much as you think. I'm a shy guy myself but I actually consider myself decent looking now (i workout a lot) and it hasn't changed much at all with women.

 

All i can say is use all that frustration and put it into something positive that you enjoy. Forget about women for the next 2 months and exercise your balls off and take up a new sport, anything.

[CrazyKing]

So WHY do you want a girlfriend???

 

I often think the same way about giving up and that stuff, but I don't even have a clue why would I want to have a girlfriend, for what??? Just to hug, kiss & sleep together - that ain't no relationship, and not even close to the thing we call "love"...

 

The KING has spoken!!!

[sao2]

Before you worry about a girlfriend you have to worry about you!!!! Who do you want to be, independent of women. Be someone that you can be proud to be. The type of woman you are looking for is looking for the type of man that you want to be.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

no use telling someone too help themselves and be a better person

 

 

if you want too give up, by all means live the buddist monk style........grab some black draps, drap them over your eyes and pray too whoever you pray too all day and never leave the house.

[icarus27]

Kyoshiro,

 

I related more to you and the posters who say that all the "Be positive" rhetoric doesn't in the end get you what you want. Reading your post I feel all too keenly the sadness that's moving you to write, and while a lot of well intentioned people give us good advice of "how to get out of this funk", it is almost as if first, guys like you and me want our frustration and despair to be acknowledged.

 

So that's what I'm doing. I'm writing just to say that however bad you're feeling, there are other guys like you, good men who for one reason or another have felt socially excluded .... and bottom line, it hurts. I should know!

 

But when you have these thoughts which are so painful, they're like wounds, think fo what you'd do with wounds. Expose them, pick at them so that your body doesn't even have a chance to recover? No. You have to let them be, let them heal.

 

Try to walk away from the whole "must be with a girl" situation, knowing in your mind that you're doing it temporarily, to give your mind a break, to give it space for inspiration to come through. Right now, you're becoming so anxious that you can't see what next to do ... that's why I suggest a break's needed.

[eric86]

Being much younger I do feel a little strange posting in this thread, but I can definitely relate to what you're saying there, as I've gone through a similar path the past few years. I'm only 21 though, so perhaps time is still on my side.

 

Personally, I've adopted an attitude similar to what was suggested by many posters here. I try to keep my mind off of these things, and just enjoy the company of my friends and acquaintances whenever I can.

 

As for the suggestion of taking on some activities to take your mind off things, I've done that too - I play the piano.

 

Just enjoy your life. If an opportunity comes along, jump for it. If it doesn't work out, then just try to clear your mind and move on.

 

I wish you the best of luck in your future.

[Luke Skywalker]

So WHY do you want a girlfriend???

 

I often think the same way about giving up and that stuff, but I don't even have a clue why would I want to have a girlfriend, for what??? Just to hug, kiss & sleep together - that ain't no relationship, and not even close to the thing we call "love"...

 

The KING has spoken!!!

 

 

Well, you raised a good issue. The obvious benefits of having a girlfriend are as follows.

 

1) The feeling of security that you have 'someone', and thus you feel like a somebody with that special attention as opposed to a nobody.

2) Especially if you never had a relationship with anyone before, you end the speculation from other people that you are gay, asexual or something is otherwise fundamentally wrong with you that you cant get any girl. Also it's a novel experience in the absense of any prior relationship.

3) Growing together in life with someone.

4) They serve as a moderator from going into extremes. For example, you may less likely venture into extreme sexual fantasy if you are held in check or accountable to someone you feel you'll hurt if you indulge yourself.

 

Now this is for any girl - even if you are not totally into her - now imagine the plus side if you are actually attracted to the girl as follows:

 

 

 

If there is a passion in the relationship then of course there is obvious further reasons: These are for girls you are very much attracted to:

 

1) You are with someone that makes you feel happy and brings joy to your life that you enjoy hanging out with since you share the same passions, interests, etc.....

 

2) Seeing couples seemingly have a good-time together in public, it seems obvious that something is missing with people who dont have this special dynamic in life. Seems more like a balance.

 

3) As the saying goes 'behind every great man is a great woman'.

 

However, if there is no passion, the above three points are invalid (positive reasons to have a girlfriend), and then you are left with the negative reasons of having a girlfriend.

 

For me, the negative reasons seem to predominate over the positive ones, to the extent I may just wish to settle with anyone despite an obvious lack of full passion.

[bruce21b]

Ogari,

 

Please dont feel like you are the only one, my friend...

 

I am 38 and i could have written your post word-for-word...

 

I am in the same boat, sir....

 

Ive heard so much of that "dont give up", "youll find someone", "keep looking" crap i could about puke every time i see or hear it...

 

Ive had so many failures like yourself...](*,)

 

My solution is that, here recently i have just told my mind to STOP...

 

I have spent half my life trying to get a handle on this relationship, dating women thing and i swear to God i am so tired of looking. I used to look at people in relationships, even within my family, and feel so empty inside that i was so alone...

 

but we cant live our whole lives in this "funk"..we just cant do it..before you know it we are going to be old and gray with nothing to look back on but depression and despair...

 

I literally have forced myself to be happy and quit dwelling on it..In another post i wrote about John Lennons quote "Life is whats happening while we are busy making other plans"....we spend so much time dwelling on the past and waiting for some great event in the future we forget to live in the present.......

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thanks guys, I didn't expect responses to this thread. I'll have more answers later. For now, those who say to work on me, that is not an option here. It's like an assumption that I am a mess. Being lonely IS the mess. So what is there to work on besides that? My best friend has issues on top of issues but he gets girls with ease because he's gorgeous.

So WHY do you want a girlfriend???

 

I often think the same way about giving up and that stuff, but I don't even have a clue why would I want to have a girlfriend, for what??? Just to hug, kiss & sleep together - that ain't no relationship, and not even close to the thing we call "love"...

 

The KING has spoken!!!

That is good for you King, but I know why I want someone. For one thing, I see romance all around me everyday and it is beginning to make me sick. I am ready to settle down and I have to start by finding someone and seeing how things go. I guess if romance was so bad, all of those smiles I see are just for show.

 

You're 21, so picture yourself single 13 years from now, but not by your choice. Depressed single people in their mid-30s are depressed because it is not their choice to be alone. Those who choose to be, good for them. I don't choose to be and I have done so much since August of last year until now, and I have been met with the same frustrating, disappointing results.

 

I don't know many guys who choose to be a first time father at the age of 40 unless they don't want children or just came to the idea of being a father. I am headed down the path of first time father at 40 and since that is not my choice, I feel that most of my life is a waste.

[CrazyKing]

Since you have maintained such an attitute towards everything relationship-related like: "I won't get a girlfriend" etc. FOR YEARS, you are indeed responsible for what's happening to you... That's the same as if I'd be standing at the front door of a shop and waste hours thinking that I'd never be able to buy me a donut, and I'd never consider the idea of just walking inside the shop & buy one...

 

Even if you think that you are thinking positive, you still have that little "I'll stay lonely forever" demon on your shoulders, that's why many people suggest activities that will make you forget about all this - many people have met their significant other in such kind of activities, they had no clue and no wish to find a girlfriend/boyfriend there...

 

The KING has spoken again...

[stressedstill]

22 years, wow quite a long time. On a trip to Montreal, I was lookiing for to meet someone, being single and lonely after the end of a long relationship. I got to meet a very nice french lady, married. She gave me some advice. She said to make room in your closet for a woman, leave half the closet empty. Interesting. The only thing is my closet is so small to begin with! Perhaps the idea is to work on your expectations and willingness to make room for some one in your life. Also there are lots of single ladies overseas, who are looking for a husband.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

22 years, wow quite a long time. On a trip to Montreal, I was lookiing for to meet someone, being single and lonely after the end of a long relationship. I got to meet a very nice french lady, married. She gave me some advice. She said to make room in your closet for a woman, leave half the closet empty. Interesting. The only thing is my closet is so small to begin with! Perhaps the idea is to work on your expectations and willingness to make room for some one in your life. Also there are lots of single ladies overseas, who are looking for a husband.

I might be desperate enough to e-mail Russia and see who they have available.

[allok]

Well from a females perspective I think

the next girl you date you should just be friends with...don't even consider your options..

tell her about yourself as honestly as you have hear. Honesty is a powerful thing. I know many girls that have gone through the same thing as you...

and they want to meet someone too just like you.. you are not alone!

[MetallicAguy]

I think you really need to focus on yourself. I thought I "needed" a girlfriend a while ago, but it was really just me being insecure. Just try to forget about the "need" for a girl for a while and focus on yourself, it must be pretty tough to ignore being that your 34 and haven't dated but just give not thinking about it and focusing on yourself a shot. Remember the only way to attain self-esteem is through yourself and not through anybody/anything else. People tell me this all the time but you tend to have more luck when your not looking for a girl than when you are, I find it to be true.

[shyguy1]

I can only wish you luck.

 

I go through alot of the same feelings you do and yes it's hard.

 

I'm still trying to find ways to be happy with or without a special someone myself.

 

I sincerely hope that we both find what we are looking for.

[ryan250]

Yeah, I know how that feels. Each girl I date just fails hopelessly. Shes into me and I'm not into her. Or I'm into her, but she isn't in to me. Maybe it's becuase I go for the super attractive shallow ones.

 

But you know what I say after each letdown? "It's just one step closer to finding the one".

[suttajasekundaa]

It sucks to try something over and over again when the results aren't that positive. It's like banging your head to the wall hoping that someday you get hole big enough to crawl through. I figured that it's better to wait for someone to open the door instead.

 

So I sit still and wait for something to happen, I ain't putting any more effort on dating-front since it never pays back.