Need to get my story out and looking for advice/comfort/feedback

[Frontclip2200]

ok first off, this is my first post on this site. looks like a good place and a place i should be right now. ill try and not make this too long.

 

ok here it goes. my GF broke up with me about a month and a half ago, and it really tore me up when she did. we had been going out for three and a half years, all of which i can say were the best of my life. i really thought that she was the one, and she thought that i was too. we had even discussed having our life together and marriage because we enjoyed eachother so much. so obviously this came to a huge shock to me when she decided to end it. for about the last month of the relationship she was acting pretty cold towards me and she never would say why when i would ask or try and discuss it with me. when she did break up with me the only reasoning she gave me was that she just wanted to live for herself and have space and that it had nothing to do with me. i wouldnt call it a nasty break up.

 

so i guess as you know the following month was complete torture for me, but i was getting through it slowly. i had been hanging out with my old friends, trying to keep busy, doing anyhting i could to forget her. i even dated a girl a little but found out she was completely messed up so i couldnt keep on with her. plus i know i was dating her just cause i felt so empty inside, but it did help me forget about the ex a little more, cause i did start to like the girl. but then after my ex had found out about me dating this girl, she took it as a sign that i had moved on from her and that now we could be friends. which it did feel like i was definitely moving on from her but i still know that deep inside i missed her to death. she had also started dating other guys, but tells them up front that shes definitely not loking for a relationship right now at all. which i know she really doesnt after just getting out of ours, im sure she wants to live free like she said. either way, doesnt make sense to me as to why date and not want it to evolve into something stronger.

 

so we dicided to start talking a little more agian and try to be friends because were both too nice to just cut eachother out of our lives, and we were great friends to eachother in the relationship. so after talking a while we decided to hang out a little. well, when i hung out with her for the second time we got on the subject of us, the first time we talked about us since the break up. she ended up saying that she really misses me alot, and it has been so hard on her, and she misses how i understand her, and she actually got choked up a little. all of which was a total surprise to me because i thought that she was taking it alot lighter than i was, and thought that she was over me more than i was her, but i guess i was wrong. i hid been hiding my painoretty well but her saying this made me have to say something. so i ended up telling her how i felt and that i missed her alot too, got a little choked up, and asked her if she thought we could ever be together again. even though what all we had just talked about and us sitting there holding eachother like we always used to she told me that she just diddnt know. she just said that she doesnt know what she wants in life right now. i wasnt expecting her to say yes though cause i know she says that she doesnt want a relationship right now. just sorta seems like if were still longing for eachother that maybe we should try to work it out cause there seems to be something left between us.

 

i know what the comon response to this would be, whch is to not make contact with her anymore and give eachother time to really get over eachother before we really try to be friends. but to tell you the truth im really not striving to win her back or anything right now, im just gonna sit back and do my own thing and continue working on getting over her as i have been, and if things somehow fall into place in the future for us then maybe it will work out.

 

thanks for listening, sorry it got so long. i would like any kind of feedback or experience stories or comfort or just anything.

[LBP]

Every situation is different... But in treating you this way it seems like she's doing the selfish thing and not the kind thing. Were she kind, she would cut you out because I'm sure she knows that she doesn't want you. That's the long and short of it. She doesn't want you for some flipping reason. You've put yourself on the line several times and each time she's come back with the same answer.

 

I think you need to tell her, succinctly, that there's a time and a place to be friends... And that her sending you these mixed messages is only going to hold you back. If she's a real friend, she'll understand. If she needs this freedom than so do you.

 

I know it's not that simple, but that's what I think.

[Lana0120]

No contact is the best thing for some people, but sometimes you have to go with your instincts. Here, it sounds like there is unfinished business, anyway, so just playing it by ear, getting over the break up and seeing what the future brings: be it friendship or getting back together, seems like a fine way to go.

[nuttybuddy]

ya know.... right now, it's tough cuz you're in the middle of it all and you don't think you could cut her out. but let's say years down the road you guys were able to maintain a friendship and nothing more. but soon both of you will start dating other people. and those other people will not like the fact that you guys are "friends." eventually, you'll face an ultimatum of whether you want to stay friends with her or keep your new gf.

 

so i donno if you want to involve your new gf to give you such an ultimatum. it's probably best to just cut this woman out now slowly. don't call her. but receive her calls for the time being. after a while, maybe she'll get the hint that you're not looking for friendship with her. that will either make her want to come back to you, or... she'll move on.

 

in the meantime, just like you said, you keep moving on.

[Frontclip2200]

i have actually thought about that first paragraph. i know that if and when we get a new SO it would probably be uncomfortable to stay friends, and when that does happen we may not even want to be friends with eachother since we have the new SO, and they will fill this void of us wanting a friendship between eachother.

[Frontclip2200]

Every situation is different... But in treating you this way it seems like she's doing the selfish thing and not the kind thing. Were she kind, she would cut you out because I'm sure she knows that she doesn't want you. That's the long and short of it. She doesn't want you for some flipping reason. You've put yourself on the line several times and each time she's come back with the same answer.

 

I think you need to tell her, succinctly, that there's a time and a place to be friends... And that her sending you these mixed messages is only going to hold you back. If she's a real friend, she'll understand. If she needs this freedom than so do you.

 

I know it's not that simple, but that's what I think.

 

 

i really see where youre coming from. i know shes sending me mixed signs, i dont think shes doing it intentionally to string me along, but i know thats whats its kinda doing to me. im just afraid of her maybe thinking that by doing this that she can do whatever she wants and ill be always here waiting. you know, the whole want what you cant have, but dont really want what you can have... now she knows i miss her alot as well.