"Weekend girlfriend"

[Suesser Tod]

Well, I guess this is more venting than anything else, as I know this won't end up anywhere good if it continues down the same path.

 

 

Well, basically I've had a lot of work, plus I decided to go back to the University to get my degree.

 

 

Lets see, I work a full time job that also requires me to work at home, plus school. That has left about 4 or 5 hours a day to sleep (if I'm lucky).

 

I go to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and here comes the problem, my girlfriend is still in the University, her last semester, and goes to school on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Unfortunately, we both go to the school on the same schedule (different Universities).

 

So that leaves us with Wednesday and weekends to spend time together.

 

 

Here is what is really making me mad. My girlfriend has only half of the normal workload, as she took some summer courses, so she only has 3 subjects left, instead of 6. She doesn't even work a part time job, and yet, she has no free time...

 

I was talking to her on the phone a few minutes ago, and last Sunday we agreed that we would go to the movies tomorrow. So I asked her if she could come to my house, as I have to get work done and I can't afford to waste time on the trip to and from her house (about 2 hours). I could clearly hear from her tone of voice that she didn't wanted to, but she agreed...

 

So after a brief argument she said she had too much homework and projects, so I suggested that we should wait until Saturday, she agreed...

 

 

I can't believe it. She only has half of the normal workload, no job and can't make enough time for us to spend one day of the week together...

 

I have to be fair and accept that she has been coming to my house a lot, as I have not had a lot of free time, but I've made my best to accommodate my schedule to fit in some time for her. I've also gone to her house a couple of times just to give her a "good night kiss" to try to keep her from thinking that I don't want to go to her place.

 

So I guess that sooner or later I'll have to face the truth...

 

As it will only get worse once she gets a real job.

 

So... I might have to be the dumper, once again...

[Entropy Smith]

I think you are missing the whole picture and i like how your GF is handling herself...

 

...she wants to be treated like a GF. She wants to GO OUT...learn how to maintain balance in your life...I bang chix with BF's like you all the time...thanks for being unattentative, boring, and passionless...guess you'll have to be the dumper...I'll accommodate her into my schedule...

[Suesser Tod]

I think you are missing the whole picture and i like how your GF is handling herself...

 

...she wants to be treated like a GF. She wants to GO OUT...learn how to maintain balance in your life...I bang chix with BF's like you all the time...thanks for being unattentative, boring, and passionless...guess you'll have to be the dumper...I'll accommodate her into my schedule...

 

Your psyquic skills must be really good to be able to say I'm unattentive, boring and passionless when the only thing I said is that I don't have much free time. LOL!

 

Either way, thanks for the post. I'll keep that in mind to stay away from the cheaters that you end up with.

[ghost69]

so when you have free time and she doesn't, you are upset. does she have free time when you are unavailable?

[RayKay]

Alright, well first off, I find it kinda senseless to compare how much classes you have, to hers and all that.

 

Just because different classes have different workloads, but also people need to put different amounts into it depending on their own learning style. What takes on person an hour to absorb and learn, can take another 8. Also depends on her personal goals related to school, or the degree she is seeking. Back in my undergrad I could easily put off doing some studying until the next day; now in law I really can't.

 

You are both going to have to work with what you have. During the school year it is mega busy - I am in school full time, working part time at two jobs, have my athletic training, a house to take care of.....and I have to make great effort to be able to see my partner even though we live together! I do this by maximizing every spare moment I can to study (i.e. at lunch I am in library reviewing and reading) so that I can have time in evenings for him. I CHOOSE to make the relationship a priority, so figure out a way to do it, even if it does mean sometimes less sleep, or not going out with friends as often.

 

For you two, it may mean you may only have weekends together - but make the most of them when you have them. Just because you only SEE one another on weekend does not mean you only have a "weekend relationship". Take the time out to write an email during week, or give a call just to say hi - little things that keep the connection during the week. Just make sure to communicate and make the most of the time you DO have together.

 

When I was in uni, I only saw my partner at the time once a week as we were also in different uni's, with different schedules. I still felt we had a very positive relationship and we survived school without much problem.

 

It all depends on whether you choose together to continue to make the relationship a priority or not though.

 

Hint...it is a two way street. You may not have much free time, but I am sure she was not flattered at you feeling it was a "waste of time" to drive a couple hours worth to see her; when she seems to do it often. I don't have very much free time either...but I sure make sure to budget for time with my partner. She may have more "free time", but I am sure she does not like feeling her time has no value.

[amtjrtcet]

Even though she isn't working and her school load is less then before, 3 classes can still consume alot of your time. But I do agree with you, she should make more of an effort when she knows you have time to spend with her.

 

I have a full time career, go to school 2 nights a wk, and work a bartending job 2 other nights a wk. My free days are Tuesday nights, and weekends, and I've got to study sometime.

 

My man works a full time career, and works evenings as a football coach at a highschool. So on Tuesday evenings I still don't get to see him b/c of practice.

 

So we have our wknds together. And by Friday night after I get off from the bar he comes to my house and we're pretty much together til Sunday afternoon.

 

So, in my opinion, yes she needs to make more of an effort. But you can't force her to. My advice would be to pull back some. See if she reaches out then. And if not, maybe then re-evaluate.

[Suesser Tod]

so when you have free time and she doesn't, you are upset. does she have free time when you are unavailable?

 

Well, yes, she can have as much free time as she wants to. She only spends 9 hours at school every week and the rest of the time she can do homework.

 

What I just won't buy, is that with only 3 subjects she can't spare an afternoon a week. That's, well, poo.

 

 

Right now, I just got home from work, I have to prepare what I'll be teaching tomorrow, and that will take me at least 3 hours, plus the homework I have for tomorrow (which for the life of me, I can't recall what was it about), plus I have to take care of another three subjects that I take on-line. And to top it off, I have to cook dinner for myself, wash the dishes and then try to clean up my place a bit.

 

 

To further prove that her whole "I have to do homework" is nothing but poo, she has made it through 8 semesters with 6 subjects, plus a part time job for the school, to get her scolarship.

 

It's just the way she is. No matter how little she has to do, she will blow it out of proportions and turn it into an almost impossible task. She was even studying for some subjects before she even had met the teachers, go figure...

 

So at the end of the day, she will find a reason to get stressed and a way to get overwhelmed with work. That's why I'm thinking I'll jump ship before finding out how she will be once she gets a real job.

 

I was looking forward for this semester. I had a slight hope that things would get better as she would only have half workload, plus the fact that she doesn't have to do the part time job anymore. Somehow I'm not the least surprised by how things are turning out to be.

[Daligal83]

I see all of your points and I'm not saying you're in the wrong, but just some thoughts. One, is that she might be feeling inadequate to all that you're doing. You are obviously very busy and successful with all that you do. If you are pointing this out to her, she may feel unsuccessful with her life since "all she has" are three classes. She just might be feeling bad about herself.

 

Two, you said that you do everything you can to fit her into your schedule. While I completely understand that you meant this in a positive way, she may be perceiving it in a negative way. Girlfriends don't want to be fit into their boyfriends lives. We want to feel needed and wanted...not a part of a schedule. Maybe you can just approach her a little differently?

[Alezia]

Yeah I will have to agree that while you are busy, I think your gf is rebelling because you feel that your time is so much more important than hers just because of how YOU CHOSE to spend it. If she forced you to go to school and get a full-time job then I think my advice will be a whole different matter.

 

I think she is very mature of just backing out of the plans when she doesn't feel appreciated or valued instead of complaining after you for "the ride being a waste of time". I would honestly do the exact same as she is doing if my boyfriend would treat me this way. Maybe once you see her time as valuable and you make your relationship a priority too even if it means cutting on your work and homework, she will back down.

 

By all means, if you feel that your work and school work is more important than her, just tell her. She won't mind *you being the dumper once again* don't worry.

[WWBG]

How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

 

I mean REALLY put yourself into HER shoes and imagine how you'd feel if you were a girl with a boyfriend who was "never available". You may think that you are bending over backwards to fit her into your schedule, but she just may not see it that way.

 

Let me be clear I am not painting you or her as the bad guy. What I am saying is that her interpretation of your actions might be entirely different.

 

There are many posts on boards like these from neglected people whose partners have very demanding jobs. While they understand that its important to perform well at a job, they just don't want to have to sit around, and deal with all the broken plans. "Sorry honey, something came up, can't go to dinner tonight".

 

Even if there is no blame, people like entropy smith make a very good point. Girls who are in that kind of situation become very vulnerable, and become prey for predators.

 

Try to see it her way, then discuss how you can fix it. Once you understand, I mean TRULY understand how she feels, I think you'll be fine.

[VeganBohemian]

For some reason I believe that if it were a girl/woman who posted this...people would be telling her that her boyfriend does not make their relationship a priority.

 

If you have a good relationship and she tells you that she genuinely has homework, then I would wish her well with her work and contact her to see how she is making out with it.

 

I made SO many mistakes like this with my bf when he had hw. I would accuse him of not doing it earlier so he could see me and how if he "really

cared" then he would make time to see me. But, then I started paying more attention to my own grades and realized that the reason he was a straight A student was because he took the time to do his hw. Now he has a full time job and I am more understanding about how we see each other a little less than when he didn't have to work.