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In-laws ignoring sexual abuse


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Miss Firecracker,


My son wasn't just molested. He was penetrated. A little four year old preschooler, a little five year old kindergartener going on six. My little boy. My pride and joy. My little guy. My first born. My first baby. My first little love. My blessing from above.


Can you even begin to feel my pain?


Again, thanks for listening.

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  • 1 year later...

No, you are not wrong. It's a question of loyalty, and your husband should be loyal to his wife and his children.


This is beyond insensitive.


Children are aware of almost everything, and I'm sure your child his hurt by his actions as well. He can most likely sense the tension between the two of you regarding this matter.


It's just really wrong.


If he has grandparents that will drop him for being abused, then they don't deserve to be his grandparents. He's better off without them.


They might have even known what was going on, and just chose to look the other way.

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There are so many competing considerations here. I totally understand why, as a mother, you did not want to retraumatize your child by having him recount what happened to him in court. I think it's a really hard decision to make and there is no right answer. Yes, it would be good if the child who committed the abuse were charged, but that isn't necessarily in the best interests of the child involved if it would involve him going through more trauma and pain. It's definitely not an easy right/wrong kind of thing to decide on pursuing a criminal case where it may do harm to the child that has been abused.


I really hope that your in-laws wake up and realize this a serious problem and get the child who did this into counseling. I wonder if he was abused too. I am absolutely shocked that your husband continues a relationship with his family after they have treated your son, their grandchild, in this manner by ignoring what happened to him and continuing on like everything is all grand. I do think it is an issue of loyalty and I do think he needs to snap out of it and realize that it's incredibly insensitive and unloving of his family to treat their grandchild in this way and for him to support their behavior by continuing to have a normal relationship with them.

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