numb/uninterested in women

[sentencedtoagony]

I was in a relationship for 7 or 8 years and have been pretty brokenhearted for a while.

 

I see lots of beautiful women everyday and the attraction I normally would have felt (before the breakup) is no longer there.

 

I've dated a couple of girls here and there and I've found myself only wanting to be with them just so I have "someone," not anyone in particular.

 

No more feelings of butterflies in the stomach, euphoria, arousal, etc. No more sense of humor or charm or excitement. I keep telling myself I should be enjoying myself, etc, but I am pretty much catatonic.

 

Am I "broken?" Or, has anyone else here been through something like this? I'm afraid I'm stuck this way.

 

Thanks.

[Gath]

I was in a relationship for 7 or 8 years and have been pretty brokenhearted for a while.

 

I see lots of beautiful women everyday and the attraction I normally would have felt (before the breakup) is no longer there.

 

I've dated a couple of girls here and there and I've found myself only wanting to be with them just so I have "someone," not anyone in particular.

 

No more feelings of butterflies in the stomach, euphoria, arousal, etc. No more sense of humor or charm or excitement. I keep telling myself I should be enjoying myself, etc, but I am pretty much catatonic.

 

Am I "broken?" Or, has anyone else here been through something like this? I'm afraid I'm stuck this way.

 

Thanks.

 

You have a case of what is reffered to in the medical industry as a "broken heart". Fortunately they tend to heal over time. Quickest methods of said healing is to do the thing you're not interested in at the moment, which is meeting new people.

 

I'm sorry your relationship ended by the way, but the best way to heal is indeed to get out there and meet new people. Our minds are like a wall, when you've only got one picture on the wall (your ex), thats all you can think about. So go out and find some new ladies to think about!

[Dako]

It takes time, but you may someday notice women getting prettier.

[Cindersam]

How long since the break up?

 

I am out of a 6 year relationship and I am experienceing similar things to what you are saying. I enjoy meeting new people just not interested in dating yet. A friend even convinced me to sign up for an on line dating service and I just can not seem to find anyone who interests me.

 

I think it just takes time especially after a long relationship. If you had your heart broken as you say you may just be in a defensive mode right now not wanting to get your heart broken again. Slowly over time you will be interested again. Just give yourself the time you need to really heal. You will know when you are ready.

[ghost69]

time heals all wounds, but does not get rid of scars. you have to live with the scars.

[sentencedtoagony]

You have a case of what is reffered to in the medical industry as a "broken heart". Fortunately they tend to heal over time. Quickest methods of said healing is to do the thing you're not interested in at the moment, which is meeting new people.

 

I'm sorry your relationship ended by the way, but the best way to heal is indeed to get out there and meet new people. Our minds are like a wall, when you've only got one picture on the wall (your ex), thats all you can think about. So go out and find some new ladies to think about!

 

Most of the time my heart's not really into it; I'm just doing it to tell myself it will make things better. And the fact that I'm not into it makes me feel like I am failing.

[sentencedtoagony]

It takes time, but you may someday notice women getting prettier.

 

I think that already -- at least in a physical way. There are beautiful women around here all the time. Beyond that, I don't really want to get to know them.

[sentencedtoagony]

How long since the break up?

 

I am out of a 6 year relationship and I am experienceing similar things to what you are saying. I enjoy meeting new people just not interested in dating yet. A friend even convinced me to sign up for an on line dating service and I just can not seem to find anyone who interests me.

 

I think it just takes time especially after a long relationship. If you had your heart broken as you say you may just be in a defensive mode right now not wanting to get your heart broken again. Slowly over time you will be interested again. Just give yourself the time you need to really heal. You will know when you are ready.

 

I was with her somewhere between 7 and 8 years depending on how you count the rocky ending. I also moved away shortly thereafter to a place where I don't know anyone. I thought it would help me to get away, but, on the contrary, I probably would have healed a lot more quickly if I'd been in a familiar place with familiar people, etc. Still after about 3 years, I think about her and get emotional although the frequency of thoughts has diminished.

 

I'm not very good at talking to women anymore -- I was better at talking to them when I had a girlfriend.

[liasonred]

I am feeling exactly the same.

 

Our situations are very similar time wise. I just don't seem to have the attraction or Energy for a relationship although I still want what I once had in terms of a relationship and thats not about getting back with the ex.

 

I have just come back from a holiday with a group of friends and was told on this that I am what a lot of the girls in our group regard as "the perfect man" and "Husband Material" yet I feel no attraction to any of them or anyone really for that matter. I am sure I would have been attracted to some of them before my relationship but not now.

[NiceGuy76]

Same here...I get numbers of women then I never call them. I do not do it much in real life, but I have resorted to online dating and such. Right now I have 10-12 numbers of women and no motivation to contact/call them.

 

There for a while I was going out on dates and making contact just to keep myself busy, but it just seemed like no matter how cute they were, I was just not ready to feel anything for them. In some cases I think some of the women I went out with were probably feeling the same way emotionally as I was...which would have resulted in a no win situation anyways! lol

 

Now? I have no motivation, I gave up. I would much rather go home and watch tv, go drinking with the boys, spend time alone doing what I want rather then pursuing women. It just seems like all my feelings are numb, almost like my heart cannot be touched at all. In time I know this will change, but I have conquered the feeling "lonely" part. Once you do that...I guess that is a good step in the process.

[sentencedtoagony]

liason and NiceGuy,

 

It's good (in a way) to hear that you are experiencing something similar. I'm sorry for what we are going through, but I now feel it is somewhat normal in terms of heartbreak. In my younger days, I never would have met with a girl for the first time and then behaved like she wasn't really even present. I guess I started this thread because I was fearing I would end up some kind of bitter recluse no matter what I tried.

 

The irony of all this is that upon my coming to an understanding of what is going on by discussing it on this board, my ex contacted me out of the blue a couple of days ago via email. I kept it short and relatively unemotional and it wasn't much of a challenge. I can't tell if there will be further communication.

 

To everyone, thanks for the responses.

[NiceGuy76]

Nice to hear that...I wish a certain ex of mine would contact me in some way, shape or form. Its been over 8 months...have not heard anything from her.

 

Good luck to you man!

[Luke Skywalker]

I know how that feels. I have not been in any 'official relationship', but it was a nice feeling that I use to have with this one girl 'X'. I felt special, and sort of trusted her, and I hugged her and was starting to feel comfortable with her. Even up to today, I still remember her lovely warm embrase on our last time we meet over a year ago, when I lie down by myself I remember it and it makes me feel at ease. I never had sex with her, or kissed her or was ever intimate with her, yet that hug keeps coming back to my mind, and I dont understand why I would feel so close to her on a simple action like that.

 

When I reacted to something that shattered by faith in her and broke my heart, something changed with me, and I was never quite the same person afterwards. She claims I dont trust her and could not continue with any relationship. I sort of calculated it was going to end like this. I just knew something was going to go wrong and end badly all along. She had a way about her that sort of irked me and my worst side just came out - she didn't seem transparent and felt she was playing some sort of games with me.

 

I just dont seem to have that 'trust' that I should have or that sort of faith because of that whole thing.

 

Something inside me seems to have died and dont know when it will rise up again. My mom sometimes notes a look of sadness on my face, a distinct pure look of sadness, and it happens when I think of her sometimes, just even a minor passing thought of her. Hopefully it will all go away some day - this lingering thing...but it was not a long relationship - I swear it was only three meetings that were less than 45 minutes in duration where on two of them was coffee, while the first one well I took her out to eat.

 

Either my mind is up in such a way, that I'm able to extrapolate three meetings and convert it into the same experience like an 8 year relationship, and thus have the same sort of emotions - which would mean I'm insane, because I cant fingure out for the life of me, how I could have such an extreme emotional investment on this girl. It's sort of like I zoomed in on her and made all sorts of extrapolations. Can you imagine a 'hug' - being some sort of intimate experience that I think about over a year later? I just dont get it. Maybe I just have a mind that tends to overamplify things or something. Most people think I shouldn't feel the way I feel since the encounters were brief and in the past, yet they continue to haunt me until this very day.....what if scenerios.

 

I suppose it's the feeling of love lost or a broken heart. Oh well, pity.

[sentencedtoagony]

Luke,

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I suppose everyone is affected to different degrees by emotional incidents. I met a girl this summer and spent about 4 days with her. And I still think about her a lot.

 

My ex it turns out is still the same...I said the wrong sentence and all communication has been cut off again. So I am a little bummed about that.

[Lana0120]

you're not broken. you just need to focus on building yourself up and being you first - don;t force yourself to go out with women if there's nothing there for you. Wait for the special one.