I dont know what to do anymore

[SweetLavender]

I need your guidance on this matter, so please help me!

 

I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months so far.

However, it seems that our relationship have been quite rocky lately.

I don't know why, but it takes me forever to get over the painful things he have done to me, such as:

 

- taking pictures of girls in short skirts @ a parade, specifically butt shots & another one in which he took a picture of a girl bending over.

- prioritizing a car meet over me when our relationship was almost in the verge of breaking up. I gave him the chance to come over to my

house later that day to talk it out, but he went to a car meet first before meeting me. I thought that if a person value the relationship a lot, he would

have tried to see me a.s.a.p.

- lied about where he went. He told me he overslept on the phone even though he actually went to a car meet.

- staring at other girls when I'm right beside him. I find that very disrespectful of him. I don't mind quick glances but I cannot tolerate stares.

( he did this twice, even though he told me he wouldn't do it again after the first time he did it )

- last night, he was at another car meet and I called him to be comforted... I'm having stomach problems and it hurts a lot and I cannot

sleep. ( I called him around 11 ish? )... and he wasn't even paying attention to me. He was giving his attention to his friends, and cops who caught

someone's car speeding. I was literally crying on the phone ( because it hurts ) and he didn't really care... I mean, I'm the one who's doing him

a favor by letting him go and he didn't even bothered giving his attention to me...

 

& several other things.

 

I admit that I've been quite controlling lately... ( not letting him go to car meets & such ) but the only reason why I did that

was because of the fact that I felt he prioritized those non-living object over me and even lied to me just so he can go to one.

So, I told myself ' okay, I guess I'll just have him let his freedom even though I'm against it... ' and let him attend those meets.

I personally don't want to lock him up... I really do... It's just that the actions he have done to me made me this way... But letting

him go have his freedom really ache my heart because I'm worried about getting hurt again. What should I do?... It's a bit hard to

be ' secure ' around him nowadays because of the stuff that he did in the past. Would it be better for me to just let him go?...

[Lana0120]

I remember your posts. It sounds like he's done a lot of not very nice things to you and that he brings out the worst in you (e.g. clinginess). Also, he comes accross as not being that into you. I think you would be doing yourself a big favour if you let him go and you would find someone who deserves you who makes you feel secure. *hugs*

[prizmpyxis]

Hi there,

 

I think what's clear here is that your boyfriend is a busy guy, and that while he wants to be with you...he also has other things in his life. I can see where your frustration lies, because I know that if my boyfriend was taking pictures of other women, I would be upset too. However, guys are ALWAYS going to look at other girls...and vice versa...but he should not be staring at other girls while he is walking with you...or taking pictures. In his own time, he can look all he wants, but when he is with you? To me that is very wrong.

 

Anyway, I think that what you need to do is to have a conversation with your boyfriend about all of this. My boyfriend and I are currently long distance since we go to college together, and I know I often find it frustrating when he is doing something and can't talk to me. If I were in a lot of pain or sad though, I know that he would drop everything for me. I think your boyfriend should have done the same thing. When you have this conversation with him, do not get angry or that will not solve anything. I think you should explain to him that it hurts your feelings and makes you feel unwanted when he ignores you for his other plans though. If after this conversation, his behavior still does not change...then you need to decide what's more important to you. You cannot change someone else, and if he won't put you first you cannot make him. You will then have to make the decision if you want to be first in someone's life, or if you can be with someone who loves you, but is always going to put other things before you.

[Daligal83]

I don't think your boyfriend is treating you right at all. He isn't acting like he is interested and shouldn't put car meets before you every time. It's not like it's school or work.

 

On the other side you, you admit you've been controlling. You say that you "let" him have his freedom and go to these things. You don't allow someone freedom. You are not in such a position of control that this is your decision. If that is how your relationship works...well that could be why he's acting this way. Just because you are his girlfriend does not mean you get to decide his activities.

[nuttybuddy]

You should dump him before he dumps you. If he dumps you, he'll never come back to you. But if you dump him, then there's a chance that he'll realize his mistake and come back to you. And I'm not saying, you should take him back when he comes back to you. But at least you have your dignity. If you let him dump you.... it's game over. He'll always think you're nothing but trash to him.

 

So dump him, while you still can.