Should I send this e-mail regarding NC

[Haleylyn]

ExFiance,

I hope that you made the right decision for your career (only you know what is best for yourself). Good luck!

 

At this point in time, being in contact with you is hurtful to me and is pointless because we are not getting back together. After our conversation last Thursday night, I realize that you are justifying why you broke up with me, but honestly I don't need to know the additional reasons why you made the correct decision. I now realize that not continuing our relationship is best for me as well. Maybe at some point in the future, (a month or so) we could 'work on' being friends, because I do value your friendship.

 

If you had some additional things to talk about, please do that via e-mail. I began packing your things and will finish by Thursday evening. As I will be busy this weekend, you should plan on coming by at 8pm on Thursday to pick up your stuff.

 

-Haley

[andy5128]

That looks fine to me as long as you are sure thats what you want as in being friends down the line etc..

 

Andy

[mmisty2001]

I don't know the circumstances behind you splitting up but personally I would just ask them to come and collect their things. I wouldn't go into any of the other. But then my situation was probably a lot different to yours and you need to do what is right for you.

[jettison]

Haley,

 

I don't think it's true. I don't think you really want to be a "just a friend" to him, and if you think you do now, I bet you'll change your mind later. There's something about being "cordial and polite" around someone you were once so intimately involved with that just never sits well.

[Lana0120]

I agree with the above statement! The e-mail itself is quite restrained, but it doesn't need to be that long - you could get straight to the point!

[Clabs]

Hey Haley

 

This is too muddled and you are sending confusing messages. You say to not contact and then to contact via email - don't send it.

 

This needs to be a two stage thing. Get his stuff gone first stage, tell him no contact second stage.

 

So far as friendship goes, answer me this question. How will you feel if 2 months down the line he invites you to meet his new girlfriend. How would you deal with that?

 

Sorry to sound negative - just looking out for your best interests!

 

Mark

[DN]

I read your previous posts about this break-up and understand why you feel angry but I think an e-mail like this won't serve you.

 

It's much better to keep it simple and just tell him when he can pick up his stuff and say that after he does you think it is in your best interests not to have any contact with him. Don't say anything about friendship - it is way too early to make decisions about that and you don't want to say anything you may regret later.

 

And from your other thread: I would advise giving the ring back and not offering to buy it even though you do like it. It will have too many painful memories.

[Clabs]

Hey DN - I forgot about the ring - and I agree.

 

Hayley - put the ring with the rest of the stuff honey - send it back because it will just cause you grief in the future.

 

Mark

[jenny_mcs]

I absolutely agree with Clabs & DN- just get the matter of getting him his things sorted out. Once that is accomplished, if he continues to contact you- politely tell him that you'd prefer not to be in contact.

 

It's too early to say when (if ever) you will want to have some sort of friendship with him.

 

Hang in there-

 

jenny

[Haleylyn]

I'm going to rewrite and probably not send it until tomorrow. I'm going over a friends place and I left my cell at home, so I wont be bothered by any phone calls from him.

 

I guess that I shouldn't talk about friendship and that possibility... Its painful not to think of being friends, he was such a big part of my life. I've also managed to maintain friendships with past ex-bf's, but I thought I was going to marry this man!

 

I'll clarify things as well- put the 'picking stuff up first' then talk about NC.

[Haleylyn]

I just called him. Kept it very short, asked if there was something specific that he 'needed' to talk to me about. Congratulated him on accepting his new job and said that I would be finished packing his stuff up and he could come by on Thursday. He asked if we could be friends and I told him 'not at the moment, maybe sometime in the future'.

 

I still feel terrible.

[Coyote9]

Another possible solution with his stuff is to have a 3rd party simply bring it to him and take any possibility of running in to him or having to talk to him directly out of the picture. I have been where you are (blown up engagement) and even as I was moving forward and talking the talk of breakup, I still loved her and wanted her back and found I'd get a "hit" from just e-mail contact or even collecting as boxing her stuff up, sad as that sounds.

 

We hang to any sort of thread when we have been so hurt. You don't owe him any explanation other than you would prefer he not contact you. I agree with Clabs (and I usually do) and would keep the two issues separate.

[Haleylyn]

He's lived with me for over 2 years, (furniture is mine) but I packed 7 boxes of clothes, weight bench, kayak, skis, snowboard, wine making equipment, etc. None of my friends have trucks -just small cars, and I feel bad asking them. I kinda asked one tonight if he could be here and he didn't jump at the chance to deal with my ex.

 

Now I'm second guessing myself- reading strategies to get back together. Honestly - I know I need to focus on myself... I just hate to give up on something that was so great at one point in time.

 

Dealing with being dumped is really tough!

[Clabs]

Hey Haley

 

Being dumped is really really tough but you are doing the right thing honey.

 

Can he not hire a Uhaul or something? Or failing that, organise a removal firm to pick the stuff up.

 

It is hard to give up on something that was so good, but that's the crunch - that little WAS word becomes massive. Don't lose sight of why you are in this sucky position in the first place.

 

Mark

[freudj2000]

Hi,

My deepest sympathies, we all know how hard it can be to let go. I agree that even the slightest contact (even looking at all his stuff) will hurt so it is best to avoid any contact. I also can so easily understand the attempt to get back together, but the bottom line is he made a conscious decision to give up the privilege of your company so he needs to realize what life without you means. Best of luck and hang in there