Old and wize needed here. :)

[WickerMan]

Hello,

 

I am very new to this site and i have a Delmer to present you with as my second ever post.

 

Ok around new year i started to have feelings for a woman who is not any woman she is a long term girl friend (5 years) of a very very Old/Good friend of mine that i have known for 14 years we met when i was 15 and for that reason alone i ignored it and pushed it aside seen them less and dealt with it without a problem, Then recently when i noticed it return even stronger I am basically sexually attracted to her and am thinking about her allot more than i should and want to be near her as often as possible , you get the point I'm falling for her.

 

It doesn't stop there though if it did i already know the answer and that's because i will never enter a relationship with one of my friends Ex long term girl friends even if i do fall in love. The problem is i really do think she feels the same way I'm not going to go into why i think that because it will take allot of explaining of allot of different situations, i am very clued up on body language even tone of voice and putting myself in other peoples heads reasoning with why they say what they say ect.

 

Problem is i have to recognize i am falling for her and sexually attracted to her so that might make me think that she feels the same way and i am of course leaking signals of attraction that might have made her just feel closer as a friend and im picking up on that and getting it confused with attraction.

 

I want to let her know nothing will never ever happen without hearting her (if she feels the same) and without putting her into a state of shock (if having feelings for me isn't the case and me falling for her is unnoticed) and while still keeping our friendship intact, i don't want her to do anything like leave him and expect to get into a relationship with me , i haven't been able to talk to my friend about this and feel i should let him know of the situation but i'm not sure that's the best idea as i don't want to cause any trouble between them as i think if a partner has feelings for another then they should be able to talk to each other about it and in that case he will already know and i'm looking like someone trying to take her away from him Umm yep my heads a little messy....

[rosie76]

Um, best to leave it, mate, and just avoid them until these feelings go away. Any attempt to clarify anything with either of them will only make the situation much worse.

 

I had feelings for someone in a couple I'm close to once which may have been somewhat reciprocated - as you say you notice when this sort of thing is happening, and that in itself can lead to mutual attraction growing on both sides. All I could do was keep reminding _myself_ that nothing was ever going to happen and doing my best to keep out of situations where anything felt dodgy. Eventually everything settled down and I feel completely comfortable around them again.

 

You have to deal with this on your own as well and once your feelings drop away hers probably will too. You don't really have any choice on this one if you don't want to be a rubbish mate and a lousy man.

[WickerMan]

Thanks for the fast reply!!

 

I am going to take your advise, you have a very good point my feelings can't stay as they are even if i did speak to either of them about this so i might as well stay clear for a while let my feelings go be for reassessing.

 

Thank you very much

 

If anyone else has any input please feel free to carry on posting i will recheck the thread again.

 

Thanks!

[Cuppedia]

Hello, if it were the case that she feels the same way then:

 

1. She would have to understand her relationship is not going well if she's looking elsewhere.

2. She would have to decide if she wants to save it or not.

3. If she decided to end it a lot of time would be needed to recover from it.

4. After a while she may not feel anything towards you.

 

It's not like you both should jump into something, besides, if she were to cheat on your friend with YOU that would immediately make her a partner you wouldn't be able to trust.

 

I agree with rosie76, you should stay away until you stop thinking about her, there are a billion other women out there, no need to cause a disaster.

[WickerMan]

Thanks Cuppedia for your input.

 

Hello,

 

let me just say i would never want to get together with her because she has been in a serious relationship with a very good friend of mine and i want to keep my friend for life, I like to have 100% trust between me and people i am friends with so getting her is in no way any part of the delmer even if she broke up with him.

The problem is if she leaves him with getting together with me in mind without even thinking about fixing her relationship with my friend, I don't know how to tell her i will never ever enter a relationship with her or even if i should and at the same time I'm unsure weather to tell my friend any of this so i am taking the grate advise of Rosie76 and steering clear for a while.

 

Thanks again Cuppedia!!