Does anyone find it hard to date someone still in college?

[Rider0375]

Hello,

 

Im dating a girl that is still in college. She is 20 and im 23. I graduated last year. I feel like im going to hold her back, or that shes not going to have enough time for me.

 

She sent me a message today telling me she was thinking about playing a sport that practice is like 3 days a week. We're not in a "Relationship" YET, but I can see it heading that way.

 

How should I handle this? Should I talk to her about it? If so what do I say? I refuse to hold her back, but at the same time I want a girlfriend whos going to be there, and want to be there.

 

Is anyone else in this same situation?

[the_girl]

This is a sticky situation - you can't hold her back from any opportunities she'll encounter while still in school - not only would that suck for her (even if she feels she wants to now, simply to please you) she might regret it later, and resent you for holding her back.

 

My ex and I encountered this - I'm 23 and still in school, and he's 26 with a full time job. For awhile, when he was working odd jobs, he bemoaned the fact that I spent so much time in school. He got angry when I spent a lot of time working on projects. He said he wished we met long after I had graduated and settled - he said he didn't think I would be able to fit him into my plans right after graduation (since I want to travel and maybe go to grad school). I told him while school was my top priority, I would always make time for him because he was a top priority, too. I felt guilty though, like I'd done something wrong.

 

Then the situation flipped - I took the summer off from classes and suddenly had a lot more free time, and at the same time he got a new job he devotes all his time to and the relationship fell apart because he doesn't want to make time for me. I resented him for making me feel guilty about pursuing my interests, when all along he was going to be even worse to me.

 

I don't think you should bring it up at all. Encourage her, support her, let her pursue her interests, but be there for her. If she wants to be with you, she'll make the time. Nothing you can say will "make her" want to be with you.

 

If you want someone who can give you more of herself than this girl can, then either wait it out until after she's graduated and done with extracurricular activities, or move on.

[Lana0120]

I don't see what the problem is here.

[mushmouth]

Don't worry if she is in college or not. Just worry about her maturity level. Whether she was in college or in a job, she isn't going to be with you all the time. Part of getting to the point of having a mature relationship is when you can allow someone the freedom to be on their own and still love them from afar.

 

Just for the record, I dated a 20 year old for two years when I was 34. Ultimately, I realized 20-22 year olds change their mind like the a kid changes tv channels but since I was in a mature spot and thought she was, it worked for the while we were together so don't sweat her committments. Accept her and accept them.

[RayKay]

I don't see how her being in college means she does not WANT to be there, or cannot find the time to be there. And the only reason you should feel you were holding her back is if you told her you would not approve of things she felt were important to her.

 

I am a returning student - full-time law plus working part time at two different jobs. I also find time for my athletic training (2-3+ hours a day, 6 days a week), to play touch football (1-2x a week), to help run a household I own with my partner and time for my partner of three years because he IS a priority in my life.

 

Part of being in a mature relationship is supporting one anothers personal growth and their pursuit of their goals and encouraging their personal freedom as well. You should not expect a partner to stop living their life to accommodate yours; I am quite certain that over the long term, that would be quite a miserable arrangement.

[Rider0375]

Lana,

 

Not really a problem. Im just asking can anyone see if this is a potential problem? We're still in the "Dating" stage and before we go any further I don't want to get into something I would regret.

 

This girl is a GREAT girl. She is incredibly mature! I feel something with her that I have never felt with any other girl, and she has told me the same.

 

I have no plans to hold her back. I have done nothing but encourage her. Like I said earlier, i REFUSE to hold her back from anything. In my personal oppinion allowing someone freedom only makes the heart grow fonder.

 

I will continue to pursue because in my heart I feel that it is the right situation for me. Just wondering if anyone has delt with this before.

[greenmonster]

This really isn't much of a problem man...

 

your not holding her back anymore than any other guy she would date. that is unless when you started dating you told her that she couldn't do stuff like play this sport because you require more of her time...which...would be weird...

 

your barely out of school yourself...and I'm only a couple years out as well...I've always dated girls younger than me that have usually been in school and never had any problems with it.

 

look at it this way...I'll compare my schedule to the girl I was dating a while back who was still in college...

 

her schedule was something like this...go to class in the morning...lunch with friends...hit the gym...class in the afternoon...run some errands...then home...

 

mine was...hit the gym in the morning...head to the office...lunch with some clients or with her if i'm free...back to the office...run a few errands...then home..

 

not much different eh?

 

only difference was really things like spring break and durring the summers when she would want to go do stuff and want me to come but I couldn't get away...I would tell her to just go with her friends and have fun...no worries.

 

you really don't have anything to worry about here. if she likes you...its not like your schedules are THAT different...and if you like her then make it happen!!

 

quit over thinking this

[Rider0375]

Thanks greenmonster,

 

I think im just overthinking it! I wont even bring it up to her. Ill just continue to encourage!

[mystik]

Part of being in a mature relationship is supporting one anothers personal growth and their pursuit of their goals and encouraging their personal freedom as well. You should not expect a partner to stop living their life to accommodate yours; I am quite certain that over the long term, that would be quite a miserable arrangement.

 

Bingo! I couldn't have said that any better!

[Lana0120]

Lana,

 

Not really a problem. Im just asking can anyone see if this is a potential problem? We're still in the "Dating" stage and before we go any further I don't want to get into something I would regret.

 

This girl is a GREAT girl. She is incredibly mature! I feel something with her that I have never felt with any other girl, and she has told me the same.

 

I have no plans to hold her back. I have done nothing but encourage her. Like I said earlier, i REFUSE to hold her back from anything. In my personal oppinion allowing someone freedom only makes the heart grow fonder.

 

I will continue to pursue because in my heart I feel that it is the right situation for me. Just wondering if anyone has delt with this before.

 

As the other posters are saying, I don't see why there would be any problems particular to a relationship with someone in college, as long as she is mature and on your wavelength. Any relationship can have problems pop up at some point that may, or may not be foreseeable, so I'd say, just enjoy what you have now, see where it goes and don't over-analyse.

[mystik]

Also, no matter how busy I get with school and all the extra-curricular things I get involved in (i'm in my last year of uni), when I really like someone, I will always make time for them. If there is anytime to learn some time management it is university where everyone is trying to fit in school, studying, extra-curricular events, sports, working out, having fun and partying, AND a relationship, it's during university (Unless you're a full-time parent of course ). So, really I wouldn't worry about it, go with the flow and if you both want to see each other, you will. Good luck!

[MandM]

I'm having these doubts too, about my relationship. (thing is, we're actually dating, and it's been abotu a year and a half).

 

This thread definitely helped me out, thanks guys.

 

P.S. Good luck you mate!