Girlfriend has a controlling mother

[Hobbes.]

ya im trying to delete this

[lizer]

your very last sentence stated this:

 

"But I'm losing all hope and starting think she's never going to get the picture, and going to live life in misery."

 

and by live life in misery, do you mean HER... or yourself, if you stay with her.

is she bothered by her mothers behavior? or is it just you?

maybe i missed you bringing that up.

because so long as it isnt bothersome to her, nothing will change.

mothers dont "brainwash" their daughters.

she is fully capable of seeing anything "wrong" her mother is doing to herself or to you... in fact, daughters typically revolt against crap behavior from their mothers towards their boyfriends.. so for some reason..thus far..it hasnt bothered her enough to tell her mom to show some respect.

which she is, in fact, capable of telling her.

[QuietWolf]

There is a lot here, so I'll keep this short. You can't change her, and if she doesn't yet have a healthy individuation from her mother, I'd stay away from her. Some people don't even want an individuation from their parents, so if that is important to you, then find somebody else.

 

BTW, as an aside, the Golden Rule doesn't mean what you seem to think it means. It means, treat others as you expect them to treat you.

 

Good luck.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I hear your pain, bro.

 

My girlfriends mother is all-kinds of crazy.

 

Hell, today she wanted to bring her three (un-pottytrained) dogs over to my apartment? I mean, who the hell does that?

 

There are two things here:

 

1) Stand up for yourself around her mother. She is your girlfriend's mother. Not yours. You should always assert your rights. She might not like you, but thats life. My gf's mom hates me, but I aint trying to bang her.

 

2) You might want to talk to your girlfriend and tell her how her mothers controlling behavior is effecting your relationship. I would not necessarily mention your fear of the future--I think it might be unfair to assume her mother will be making the decisions, however I think it's okay to talk about how you want to be a partner with her, without interference from her mom.

 

I'll caveat this first by saying: if your girlfriend's mom is asian, sorry you're outta luck--that crazy is in her DNA (not to generalize--I'm asian, and asian parents are always tripping).

[StillTrying]

I agree with QuietWolf. My over 2 yr had to end because my 40 yr old boyfriend will not stick up for me to his mom & dad who r very controlling & want him all to themself & does not want a woman (any woman) in his life. In the beginning (1st 4 months) he used to stand up to them but his brother lives in their house he's 38 (they control every bit of him) (he's weak & without a love life) & my ex lives in his dead grandmas house who daddy owns & is there everyday (I used to live there) & buys all his food & everything & even makes his bed. It is too hard to compete with that & I see trouble if she will not tell her it's her relationship but has to be very careful & u not to take sides (like say it's me or your mother) depending too ( u r both in school) who is paying for college & books. If she holds the purse strings it is worse. I am 47 have a controlling mom (who always gives her advise when i don't ask for it) live with her for awhile (long story) & I had trained her long ago it is my life & I will think abt what u say but not going to do everything u say since I have a good job & support myself. She is a little sick so I am staying there for now (but definitely plan on moving (not too far) soon). So I am just giving u something else to think abt. My relationship was totally ruined because his parents hate me & he let them run his life. Good Luck & hope your situation turns out better than mine did.

[Hobbes.]

Ya, you guys are pretty much right. I guess what I'm talking about is already a set verdict. I guess I've just expected a change, but obviously, people don't change, and it's about acceptance. So I narrowed it down to two options.

 

Stay with her and accept I'll be criticized, judged, and talked about by her mom

 

or

 

Move on and find someone else that fits my needs.

 

It's gonna be hard, but I guess just gotta learn from this and make sure it doesnt happen again.