Need Woman's Advice or Man

[Ronq]

OK -

My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months. She is a loving and caring person she treated me like a king. Through this relationship she kept telling me that I'm not intimate enough and one day she'll just shut down. Well, it happened a month ago and she says to me that she really loves me however, she has shut down. This is what she has told me:

 

She's angry at me for letting get to this point.

She says I'm a great guy all around except the Intimacy.

 

So, after fearing the worst I tried to change and to show her that with her help I can be more affectionate and intimate with her, however, this is not helping. So yesterday, I went to her work and called her out to the lobby and gave her a card with 6 yellow Tulips. After talking for a few she asks me why are you doing this now when I wanted you to do 6 months ago? I told her that I know I made a big mistake and I want to fix things. Well the below is what she said to me:

 

She does not want this now

She want's to take some time apart

She's not sure if her feeling will ever come back

 

My question to all of you:

 

Why would she still want contact with me if she needs time to see if she'll have those feeling for me again?

Have any of you experienced something similar to this?

We still communicate (less frequently)

She still calls me honey

I asked her if were still a couple and she says "I don't know how to answer that"

 

I think that she is angry and confused…. maybe she just needs time to heel, or she already knows what she wants.

 

All I want to know is does anybody think that she'll ever feel the same as she did?

 

Thanks

[Jake11]

Hmmm...few questions on this one.

 

1. How old is she?

2. Did she just come out of another relationship when she met you?

3. How does she define intimacy and where do you feel you fell down according to her expectations?

[ghost69]

she wants you on the backburner man. just let her go. it sounds like you are a crutch in the background until she finds someone better. she wants to keep you around in case she doesn't. i hate girls like this.

[Ronq]

She is 31 years old

Yes, serious one about a year before she met me, however, dated other men.

She says that I always reject her kissing and touching and that I'm not affectionate enough.

Now, I accept those mistakes I've made and have been promising her those things will change and I've even been reading the book she gave me a while ago "the 7 levels of intimacy". However, she says that she is emotionally unattached. She is not sure how to get that back. I think she wants to get back together she just is not sure how.

[husk]

yeah i had this happen once and it ended in a breakup i have talked to other woman that say they have done this they shut down thier feelings and it is over i hope the best for you but it dont sound good.

[Jake11]

She is 31 years old

Yes, serious one about a year before she met me, however, dated other men.

She says that I always reject her kissing and touching and that I'm not affectionate enough.

Now, I accept those mistakes I've made and have been promising her those things will change and I've even been reading the book she gave me a while ago "the 7 levels of intimacy". However, she says that she is emotionally unattached. She is not sure how to get that back. I think she wants to get back together she just is not sure how.

 

So, you were rejecting her a lot? I'm just asking because there are always two sides to the story.

[Ronq]

That sucks HUSK.......

What if I want to continue to fight to try and keep her? She is a wonderful woman.... I would lost the best thing that has ever happened in my life... I think.

[Ronq]

No Jake11...... We all deal with stress in different ways, I think I just took it overboard and they were mistakes. You know how they say "you never know a good thing until it's gone". Also, she just called me this morning and she kept calling me honey and baby...... not sure how to take that.

[Jake11]

No Jake11...... We all deal with stress in different ways, I think I just took it overboard and they were mistakes. You know how they say "you never know a good thing until it's gone". Also, she just called me this morning and she kept calling me honey and baby...... not sure how to take that.

 

Well I'd say that sounds like a good start. Just let her know just what you told me. That you believe it's the way you deal with stress. Be open about your willingness to work with her on these and take it from there. She sounds pretty strict though man. You could be in for a high maintanence relationship.

[Ronq]

Yehh, we'll see what happens. She also told me this morning that I can call her and talk to her about anything that is bothering me.... This made me think that she's possibly also testing me to see if I have changed... not sure!

[sarge17]

OK -

My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months.

 

The honeymoon stage is just getting over. Next stage is when the real bonding starts to take place

 

She is a loving and caring person she treated me like a king.

 

This was during the honeymoon stage, all relationships are like that

 

 

 

 

Through this relationship she kept telling me that I'm not intimate enough and one day she'll just shut down.

 

She was telling you what was going to happen. Nothing you could have done different. She already had this planned.

 

She's angry at me for letting get to this point.

 

Gaslighting or projecting, the blame game

 

She says I'm a great guy all around except the Intimacy

.

 

Again gaslighting and projection. Makes her feel better

 

So, after fearing the worst I tried to change and to show her that with her help I can be more affectionate and intimate with her, however, this is not helping.

 

Read above, Doesn't matter what you would do it would make no difference. She done has her mind made up. Its amazing you can do what people ask but they will find an excuse of why it wont work. She dont want it to work.

 

So yesterday, I went to her work and called her out to the lobby and gave her a card with 6 yellow Tulips. After talking for a few she asks me why are you doing this now when I wanted you to do 6 months ago?

 

Only way to make her feel different is to win the lottery. This is a planned breakup.

 

 

 

I told her that I know I made a big mistake and I want to fix things. Well the below is what she said to me

 

She dont care if she did you would be working at talking it out.

 

She does not want this now

She want's to take some time apart

She's not sure if her feeling will ever come back

 

Your 2nd string. She has already checked out on you emotionally. Could or most likely another person involved.

 

My question to all of you:

 

Why would she still want contact with me if she needs time to see if she'll have those feeling for me again?

Have any of you experienced something similar to this?

We still communicate (less frequently)

She still calls me honey

I asked her if were still a couple and she says "I don't know how to answer that"

 

I think that she is angry and confused…. maybe she just needs time to heel, or she already knows what she wants.

 

As ghost said you are just there as a back up until everything is going smooth With whatever she has going on.

If she really cared would she act this way towards you? NO

 

10 months is not a long time.......She is probally a vine swinger. Won't let go of yours until she has a firm hold on another.

 

Read up on NC and heal yourself. Move on. She is not worth your time. Learn from the mistakes you made. It will make you better and stronger for the next person you meet.

[ghost69]

i like this guy. he sees the light too.