setting myself free...

[life_of_ai]

Its been a while since my ex broke up with me. We were together 3.5 years, I even moved 1100 miles south so we'd go to school together, even though I'm a year younger. When we broke up, I didn't take it very well, in all honesty, I wish I handled it differently. Actually, she found her new bf about a week after she broke up with me, she was just waiting for the "right time" to break up with me, they were basically just waiting to get together. I feel really stupid about that. Then I found out about this site and did the whole NC thing and it did kinda work. But in a way, I was hoping she'd call, so I knew she was thinking about me, but I wouldn't answer.

 

In general, I'm sure the things we're friends, I think thats maybe what I want too. However, I know that somehow I still have feelings for her, even though its been around 16 months since we broke up. When she does call, I start to think that something may have happened with her bf or something. Other times I'll wonder if she thinks about me or misses me at all. I also think about whether she just calls me to say hi because either her bf or new friends are too busy. I know I shouldn't be thinking about that.

 

Right now I'm in a computer lab because I saw her with her bf going to the same place I was going to eat at. I know that may be sad but I don't want to really see her or her bf for that matter.

 

They always say that eventually, the other person will realize they made a mistake and all that, but I'm not sure that'll happen. Actually, I don't care if it does or doesn't. I'm living my own life now.

 

That kinda makes me think about another problem. It seems like her life is so much better now without me. And in our relationship, she was the one who deserved me, I deserved someone better. I had to deal with severe cheating issues. She'd get easily upset with me, yell, and thats stuff makes me realize how much better off I am now.

 

The thing that got me to write this is... well I said I moved here for her. I'm realizing how much of a mistake it was. If I had the chance, I'd probably do it again, but I really did move 1100 miles away from my family and friends. She was the only person I knew in the state, and she still lived 4 hours from my school.

 

I found out during the last year that he didn't always treat her the best, a roommate of mine told me that he was a jerk to her. I try not to think about it, because I'll get into this emotional state that I'm in.

 

I actually made a song relating to this... 100% original. I think I'm ready to share it with people. So if you want a copy, let me know. I think it'll help alot of people. Its called "Setting Myself Free".

 

I'd appreciate any advice/feedback anyone would have.

[Reilly2856]

"It seems like her life is so much better now without me"

 

Yes, it may seem that way, yet as your roommate pointed it out to you, her bf is a jerk. However, I don't think you need to worry about her...the fact that you are still doing so shows that you are not over her. Going to the same school as her isn't exactly helping the whole healing process if you can't be in the same room as her and her bf. I would suggest, unless you really like this school and it fits into your whole career aspirations, to move to somewhere new. You are 1100 miles from your family and friends, who you could really use the support of right now. If she was the only thing that brought you here, the fact that you are still here means that you are not ready to accept that it is over. You've had to deal with severe cheating issues and her emotional outburts, count yourself lucky and don't see this as your loss. The fact that you realize how bad things were in your relationship is a very good step to moving on, it shows that you are open enough to truly analyze the situation. Now it is time to accept (and be thankful) that it is over, stop waiting for that phone call, maintain NC, and work on yourself. Don't stop being afraid of seeing them together. In fact, force yourself to do so if you have to. It'll hurt, I know. But it will get the point accross to your heart even more that it is over, and show her that you don't care who she is with because you've moved on. Facing the things that hurt the most helps us to truly move on.

[mushmouth]

Clearly, you are still hurt which is fine. It sounds as if you did a very mature thing and move closer to her since you loved her. However, she wasn't mature enought to understand the real significance of your sacrifice and she ultimately proved to be selfish in her acts. It sounds NC helped you and you may want to reconsider it if you are still bothered by her. What ever you do, make sure you are taking care of yourself. You sound like a good person who has the capability to love and to give. There are many people who will only take from people like you. Take time to learn about yourself and to learn why you may be willing to deal with such people.

[life_of_ai]

Another thing happened, a couple hours after I posted my original post, she called me and told me she was in a "jam". She went to a store and bought something and it wouldn't fit in her car. She knew I bought a new car and it has alot of room in the back.

 

I do believe we're friends and all that so I decided to help her out. She kept calling asking where I was and I was a little bit rude, I just didn't want to be all nice and happy about it.

 

Well, we got it, dropped it off at her place and she invited me in to see her new apartment. I hesitated but I did and saw it, she showed me her bedroom and all that. Then we just talked a bit in the living room. Then after a while her bf came into her apartment. I usually turn away (in my mind I wanna run), but I couldnt go anywhere this time. So I kept being myself, I still talked and tried to not show that I was bothered.

 

She asked him what he wanted for dinner and its just wiered to hear her say that to him, and then she actually invited me to stay for dinner. I knew this was a bad idea so I said no. Im so glad I did that (not stay for dinner).

 

I also realized that, I miss having a gf more then her. At first I thought it was her, but its not. I miss having someone to talk to, hang out with, be with, someone to share life with.

 

And for some reason, its hard to meet new people, especially girls. I know I have to do it, but its like I don't know how.

[life_of_ai]

Great, she left her purse in my car. Now I have to drop it off at her apartment.

[yellow_sweater]

^ugh. How did that go? If she's got her own car, leave it on your porch behind a flowerpot and make her come pick it up.

[beebee]

sigh... how inconsiderate can a person be?... dayyam... didnt she know how much you loved her?... didnt she have any idea that having you there with her new b/f may have bothered you in some way?... im mystified by this type of behavior... how empty headed is she anyway?...

 

my advice?... next time she calls or asks for your help, tell her to get her new b/f to do it for her... im just shaking my head here... this blows me away!...

 

friends smends... all this BS is so civilized!... personally id like to " * * * * * slap" her...

 

God bless... beebee

[beebee]

one more thing... let her figure out that you have her purse and for her to pick it up herself!... what are you?... her porter?...