What i feel NC has done to me.

[joiboi]

My ex broke it off with me in early march after more than 6 years. A couple days later shes with this guy that I know. They were on a quote and quote break during the summer but got right back togather when they got back onto campus.

I did all the begging and calling for a while. I have been in NC for 3 months now. She called a week ago. I didnt pick up so she called with her dads phone. I picked up and it was her. She called to tell me that she was going to take back all her stuff from my apartment(she has a spare key). Thats the only reason why she called. It hurt at first.

Now im back in NC again. But im sure ill bump into her on campus. I feel that NC has allowed me to heal. I do get that heartbroken feeling here and there but its no where as bad as the first 2 months. I am not as needy. Although I feel that I am healing, I feel as if my ex and I are strangers now. I feel as if I have pushed her away even further. I dont know why. Maybe i havent let go all of her yet. While in NC, she called every 10 days or so, but i never picked up b/c I wanted to make sure I was healing. I feel all that time invested into this person was such a waste. 7yrs of an amazing friendship all gone. I feel as if she doesnt care about me. Im sure she misses somethings. Honestly i want to give it another try when I have become a better person. Do feelings ever come back even after being broken apart for more than 6 months? I guess today is just one of those days for me.

[Mr. Brightside]

You've probably pushed her further away mostly due to your body's instinct to distance itself from things that hurt. Kind of like when you burn yourself on the stove, you aren't going to put your hand near the burner again for a very long time, if ever.

 

It's good to hear that you are getting through this ordeal. The time you invested with her is never a waste. Look at what kind of person you've grown to become because of this. You said it yourself that you are no longer as needy. You now know more about what you want and don't want in relationships, and what better way to learn than being in a long term relationship? You have to learn somewhere, right?

 

You have come along way in the healing process, but you still have a little ways to go: here is what you have left. You need to find a bunch of things that completely occupy your mind and body so that you aren't thinking "if she misses some things" or if she cares about you. You have done the hardest part so far of keeping the NC. Now start to fill your time with as many positive things as you can. I started playing hockey, softball, went traveling, met up with friends exclusive to me, etc. Try some new hobbies so it takes up most of your time to learn them. You will meet new friends and eventually this whole ordeal will become fully what it should stay: a good life learning experience.

[NiceGuy76]

Hey man, I know the feeling. Its is very hard to understand why or how they can seem so cold and distant after all the good times. We (dumpees) are stuck thinking about all the good things from the past wondering how could they forget, while our ex's are living it up with a new relationship. I have not figured it out, but it is what it is. For some reason they are over us, DONE, they have moved on. It has been 8 months for me and things are easier, but there has not been ONE SINGLE day that I have not thought about her in some way/shape/form.

 

The only thing we can do is let go, and it could take time. I don't know how long but it is going to take time. Go out, find a hobby, do something you always wanted to do. Think about some of the irritating things she did that annoyed the hell out of you...try to think about those things. I bet you anything that before she broke it off, she was done with the relationship WAY BEFORE everything ended in your eyes. Same thing happened to me...I did the begging, pleading, pouring my heart out, crying like a little biatch! I look back now and regret it, but why should we hide our feelings and act macho...but the right thing to do would have been to suck it up and hold my composure in front of her. Same with you...we pushed them further away...the only thing we can do is focus on ourselves and maybe one day when the dust settles or something crazy happens to them and they think about us...maybe they will try to reconcile and talk to us like a REAL person again. If not, then it is ok, there are plenty of women, and they are the ones that will miss out on US!

 

Good luck man...

[mushmouth]

Joiboi

 

There is no rule about getting back together so if you think you want to try after you have healed and worked on yourself, that's fine but be aware of the risks and be aware that if that is your ultimate goal, you may not really be healing.

 

I agree with Niceguy76 in that there are many women out there. Thus, I encourage you to heal for yourself first. You can then make a mature decision to date other people or to try getting back together.

 

Just so you know, I am about 5.5 months into NC with my ex. I also think about her daily but I also work on myself daily. I have gotten to such a wonderful point in my life that I can see so many other women have so many other wonderful REAL things to offer me. That is not to say your ex didn't offer you something real. Just be aware that you can have what you had and more if you keep looking.

 

Good luck and be strong. Keep treating yourself and others with respect and your decison try again with her or to move on will be easier.