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Would it bother you of your SO didn't wait for you to take a vacation together?

lilred

By lilred
in Relationship Advice

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lilred Enthusiast

lilred

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So my bf told me that he was really burnt out from work and needed to take a vacation. He decided that he wanted to go to europe for 2 weeks in august. I told him that since i wouldn't be able to go w/ him, but I would be able to 2-3 months later just to save some money and to plan time off of work.

 

He told me that he couldn't wait, and in the meantime he found someone to go with, another girl. Granted it's his sis in laws best friend and they are going to visit her and his brother but it's really eating at me that my bf would rather go w/ a friend than wait a few measly months to go on a pretty big vacation w/ me (his gf!)

 

I'm really hurt by this, but he doesn't see anything wrong w/ it.

 

I'm even thinking of breaking up w/ him over this since it's hurting me so badly. It's not like we've just started dating either. We've been together over 1 yr now. Am i over reacting here?

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jenny_mcs Collaborator

jenny_mcs

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Yeah, I have to admit, this would really hurt my feelings. Especially because you're eager to go, just need a few months to request the time off and get the money together.

 

Unfourtunately, this is one of those situation where if you keep bringing it up and nagging/fighting about it, you'll just confirm (in his mind) that he made the right decision.

 

If it were me, and he had made his decision to go without me, even after I suggested an alternate plan, I would express my hurt, but only once.

 

Then I would take my time and consider whether or not this was a delabreaker for me. It very well might be. (hugs)

 

jenny

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Ash Mentor

Ash

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It would bug the heck out of me, particularly with a member of the opposite sex. Let's face it, she's not family so who's to say what the real motive could be? People tend to go on vacation to have an enjoyable time.

 

He should wait and go with you. Besides, the tickets would be cheaper than this last minute decision.

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RayKay Grand Master

RayKay

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Yes, it would bother me that he had not discussed the plans and not worked with me to find ways to allow for us to both go.

 

But then again, we live together, so it would be rather odd to not discuss it and also want to figure out how to go together.

 

It would be different if he was going on a guy's trip, or something, but it sounds like he wanted to go with SOMEBODY; and he decided that SOMEBODY did not need to be you. And even if it is his sister in laws friend, it is odd he would rather go with her for a couple weeks, than wait for you.

 

It would also be different if for some reason he HAD to go now; and we planned another trip for us in a couple months.

 

This is the guy whom still has not said he loves you too, right?

 

I don't know, given your posts on him, I just don't think he is as committed to this relationship as you want from him. I would definitely be deciding whether this was a guy I really wanted to hold onto anymore.

 

And I would plan my own solo trip for a couple months from now to celebrate my newfound singleness from this guy. But that is just me.

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jenny_mcs Collaborator

jenny_mcs

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Now I'm confused, because I read an older thread of yours and you said:

 

"So my bf wanted to take a trip to london to visit his brother and sister in law that work there. There was no way that I was able to take 2 weeks off from work, so I told him to go and have fun."

 

So, did you change your mind, or what?

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RayKay Grand Master

RayKay

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Now I'm confused, because I read an older thread of yours and you said:

 

"So my bf wanted to take a trip to london to visit his brother and sister in law that work there. There was no way that I was able to take 2 weeks off from work, so I told him to go and have fun."

 

So, did you change your mind, or what?

 

If you told him this, I don't think it is fair to backtrack and punish him for it now.

 

Are you more upset as he has now found a travelling partner?

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fmjosie Newbie

fmjosie

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at least you know he won't be sleeping with the girl he goes with..... but for the other millions of girl in europe....... he'll probably sleep with one of them!

 

it sucks he doesn't want to go on vacation with you.... but maybe plan ahead for the next big vacation so this doesn't happen again!

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Lana0120 Contributor

Lana0120

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I think it's fair enough that he wants to take his holiday now rather than wait if he is truly feeling 'burnt out', however I don't think you're overreacting about the way he is spending his holiday. I would feel hurt if a boyfriend would rather go abroad and spend time with another woman (no matter how innocent), rather than spend the time with me.

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-Ophelia- Contributor

-Ophelia-

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I'll be upset at the thought of us not being able to have a vacation together, him not being a little considerate to my feelings by trying to include me in his life; but mostly I'll be upset by his even thinking of going on a trip with some girl and leaving me behind.

 

Take your time and think about it. See what happens, then, you'll know what to do.

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lilred Enthusiast

lilred

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thanks for all your responses! and yes raykay and jenny, i did tell him that i would be able to take off from work in a few months after i thought about it. but it's not like he ever "offically" invited me to begin with.

 

to complete the story, he did ask me before he booked his trip, if i would okay w/ him going w/ another girl. i told him that i would not be happy w/ it, but i didn't want him to resent me either. as you can see, my self esteem in this relationship is pretty low.

 

before he left he told me that he wouldn't go even though his $2000+ vacation deposit was not refundable. i really doubted the sincerity on that gesture though. it's not like i would actually want him to loose out on a few thousand dollars. and i think that he knew that i wouldn't tell him to cancel his trip.

 

i don't know if that makes it okay that he still went though.

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TXStar7128 Apprentice

TXStar7128

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I would also be beyond upset about this. My ex went on trips ALL the time. Granted, a lot of them were for bachelor parties and the like, and he did take me on one very nice 10 day vacation. But he was able to take all the time he wants from work, and makes way more than enough money to take both of us somewhere for the weekend. It really hurt my feelings that he would go out of town like once a month with guys and would never plan one of these trips with me. So, I understand where you are coming from, and you have every right to be upset. I would also be upset about him going with another girl. I have to agree with some of the other posters...he doesn't sound extremely committed to the relationship right now, and I think this could very well be a dealbreaker for me!

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nuttybuddy Contributor

nuttybuddy

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so he already left? well, there's nothing u could do anything about it now. now it's a matter of waiting to see what happened in those two weeks after he comes back. he'll either say, he missed you so much, or he'll say he had the best time of his life. of course, he could mix the two emotions up and say both, but only time will tell if he still wants to be with you in the relationship, or if he's even cheated on you in europe.

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