A few issues that I need help on

[iceman85]

Hello everyone, I haven't visited in awhile because things have been going well. Unfourtantley, recently i've run into some things that I just can't figure out.

 

My girlfriend and I just had our one year of being together on the 2nd of this month. It was a great night and I have felt much much closer to her lately, its been fabulous.

 

We both recently went away on vacation, there was some overlap, but we didnt see each other for two weeks. I got back and it was my birthday, we celebrated that, but that is when I began to see something with her.

 

It was my birthday and she kept snapping at me for tiny things like saying yes in agreement with her or just asking her how she was feeling. She then later said it was PMS because she was going to get her period the next day.

 

I've been through this with her before, she gets really bad and * * * * *y for a week. Then afterwards she is fine, but its just so hard to deal with, its like I have to walk on eggshells so she doesnt flip out on me. Its hurtful too because I do so much for her and thats what I get.

 

Another thing i'm dealing with right now is that I am going back to college shortly and shes still in high school. It was hard enough to deal with this last year, but this year I dont know how things will work, I know that we said we're going to do our best.

 

Then the third thing that is bothering me lately is something that I believe is my fault. She recently got a new job being a hostess at a restaurant. And while i'm happy for her, I also hate it. Shes going to be working weekends and that was the only time I felt we could see each other with both of us at school. Also I worry alot about her being hit on and trying to be picked up by guys, I worry that I'm going to lose her. I know that it may mean i'm insecure or whatever, I hate the feeling and don't want to feel it. If I had to guess where it comes from I would say its from losing alot of my ex's unexpectedly to other guys and remembering how much it crushed me, then thinking about how I love my girlfriend now and how much that would hurt if I were to lose her, and how I dont want to go through it again.

 

I've tried to tell myself to stop worrying, but it just doesnt happen.

[Satsuma]

For your first issue it could be because of her being near her period, some girls just get irritable and the slightest things can annoy them. Im like it too.

As for you two being at different places (you at college her at highschool) im sure you can arrange times to see eachother because like you said it was hard the first year but you did it, and you can do it again.

For your third issue i think your insecurity is kicking in, just because your ex's left you for someone else doesnt mean she will. If you keep thinking that she might run off with someone else she might pick up these signals and feel like shes not trusted. I wouldnt worry about her and her new job, just be happy for her.

[Beec]

OK, first do not tolerate her being ___tchy. If she is being that way, walk out. Her keeping you on eggshells should not be something you tolerate. You're not a verbal or any other kind of punching bag, tell ehr to find some other way to deal with it.

 

As far as the college thing, perhaps you should consdier hangin on loosely. It won't amke you feel mroe secure, but if you hang on so tight and then break up, it is much tougher to get back together. if you date others and still try to hang on loosely, then it becomes easier to do, for most.

 

The way you avoid being the one who loses out is to make sure you are the one that really gives her emotional fulfillment. if you are the guy who makes her feel special, she will want you.

[Lana0120]

Beec... a lot of women just can't help being that way at that time, so it's something that pretty much has to be tolerated. I do agree though, that if it gets too much, walking away is the best thing to do all around.

[Beec]

Beec... a lot of women just can't help being that way at that time, so it's something that pretty much has to be tolerated. I do agree though, that if it gets too much, walking away is the best thing to do all around.

 

The issue is not how a woman feels, it's what she does with those feelings. While feeligns are impossible to control, behavior is not. Being on her period is not an excuse for a woman treating someone poorly.

 

She can do a lot of things, but it she got nasty with me, I would not accept that excuse, and she would probably get nasty right back.

[Lana0120]

Depending on how bad it is, I can be awful and I know a lot of other women out there are. Not every woman gets it as bad and those women can usually cope pretty well. For those who get it bad though... you just want it to go away, you want yourself to go away and want the whole world to get lost. You're not rational or nice or anything for a day or two. It's when women are like this for a week + and blame it on a period you have to get sceptical or consider that there is something wrong there. The best thing to do is to be nice, but if it gets too much, give herself and yourself some space.

[-Ophelia-]

This is in regards to the problems you are having with her due to her PMS:

 

I hate myself during my period because my moodiness and irritability both creep up on me as well as on my SO and loved ones; I never expect these feelings at the end of the month and I never see them coming. That is why I strictly started to count the days and I even set up a reminder in my mobile, so I wouldn't act upon those irrational feelings (even when I do I find a chance to become a little ___chy).

 

It really sucks because no matter what I do, and no matter how stupid the situation is, I have to get irritated. When I get so irritated I sometimes cry and it takes an hour or so. It is a release but when I question the whole thing again, I discover that it was not a big deal! Most of the arguments I have with my SO is when I'm on my period or when I'm pms-ing. When it's over I feel real stupid and I always go and explain it to him. He tolerates that; I don't know maybe because we're in an LDR or maybe because he got used to my pattern.

 

However, a helpful tip is for her to start exploring those feelings and moods so that she can increase her self awareness of that behavior. I found expressing my feelings to my partner in advance helps him become a little sensitive to my feelings for a day or two. So this experiment is two-sided, you have to do something and she has to do something.

 

Just a female perspective..

[iceman85]

Thanks all, I do try my best to understand that it is the period causing this. She even says as much. I can tell that she tries to suppress the irritability but it just doesnt work. It just is hard to have to deal with it, she seems like a different person. I can handle it, it just is tough. And yeah on the insecurity thing, I really wish I could fix that, its something thats always plagued me, I wish I didnt feel that way.

[ghost69]

ask if she wouldn't mind staying at her place for a week while she is having those issues. tell her you don't want to fight or argue.

[-Ophelia-]

Staying at her place for a week can be a good idea but it does not necessarily work with all women. I really do feel for guys because sometimes nothing seems to work in regards to this issue.

 

The reason why I say this won't probably work is because some women get needy of their men during that period. So the suggestion alone might create a new argument. For example, if my guy told me something like that, in the PMS mind-set, it'll make me feel unloved and abandoned. But if you feel that your gf is ok with that kind of suggestion then you've got yourslef a solution.

 

Again, just a female perspective

[ghost69]

Staying at her place for a week can be a good idea but it does not necessarily work with all women. I really do feel for guys because sometimes nothing seems to work in regards to this issue.

 

The reason why I say this won't probably work is because some women get needy of their men during that period. So the suggestion alone might create a new argument. For example, if my guy told me something like that, in the PMS mind-set, it'll make me feel unloved and abandoned. But if you feel that your gf is ok with that kind of suggestion then you've got yourslef a solution.

 

Again, just a female perspective

 

very true oph. i agree. but i think if he explains what it is doing to the relationship, she will either A) try to act a bit more subtle around him in those times or B) agree they can spend a few days apart while she finishes up with the issue.

 

also, i think you can get birth control that wipes out periods.

[-Ophelia-]

Very true. I think that my perspective is mostly filtered by experincing PMS in an LDR. Perhaps things will get a bit tough once we live together.

 

I sometimes withdraw from family and friends when I have my period, I guess it's the same thing. I do it becuase I don't like how I sometimes present myself during those times: hypersensitive that is.

 

I agree, a few days off might help. How are married couples supposed to deal with that though?