should i take the hint?

[Papillion]

if you were in an LDR and just spent the weekend with your SO, and for three days and three nights you didnt get any physical affection whatsoever, how would you take that? she's telling me something isnt she? nothing. not a tickle. not a cuddle. not a kiss my ar$e or nothing. zilch. na-da. not even a kiss.

[bubblyblonde11]

if you were in an LDR and just spent the weekend with your SO, and for three days and three nights you didnt get any physical affection whatsoever, how would you take that? she's telling me something isnt she? nothing. not a tickle. not a cuddle. not a kiss my ar$e or nothing. zilch. na-da. not even a kiss.

 

 

No kissing or cuddles - doesn't seem quite right to me hun

[Papillion]

No kissing or cuddles - doesn't seem quite right to me hun

 

me neither.

 

i thought maybe i was just going mad and this was normal, but surely that cant be right?

[bubblyblonde11]

me neither.

 

i thought maybe i was just going mad and this was normal, but surely that cant be right?

 

Can understand for an evening if you've had a row or a bad day at work. But not a whole weekend, I take it you had a "pleasent time" no major arguments? Did you ask her about it?

[CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX]

is your girlfriend usually very intimate with you?? apart from the lack of physical stuff did she treat you differently eg was she more cold towards you?? did you ask her if everything was ok between you both?? if your instincts tell you something is wrong don't ignore it

[annie24]

why don't you ask her what is going on?

[itsallgrand]

Spill, brother!!

 

Did you try to show her affection - what did she do?

 

Did the two of you talk about it?

 

Was she grumpy, nervous, quiet, strange, anything?

 

Has anything been going on to lead up to this?

 

Yeah, I agree, there's something going on. But it could be anything.

[LFG]

Papillion -

 

HUGE red flag, especially on a LDR. If I were you, I'd take the initiative and ask her what is going on. I don't mean it in a confrontational way, though. Just have an open conversation with her instead of doing mind reading. Effective communication is key for any relationship and even more critical for LDRs.

 

LFG

[Papillion]

thanks guys.

 

yeah, usually there's a good deal of sex going on. and yes she was colder than normal this weekend, altho she can sometimes be a moody mare. i made several suggestions at various points, but no luck. and i tried it on during the night at some point on all 3 nights but again, no action. i just got snapped at and told to "stop diggin that f-ing thing into my back". ie. the usual answer when a girl doesnt want to know.

 

we were at a music festival so maybe that was it? tired, covered in mud and rain etc. even so, i wouldnt let that stop me but maybe girls are different.

 

not sure whether to mention it to her - i cant be bothered with the grief if it all kicks off to be honest.

 

oh yeah, she's moving house this coming weekend as well. could that be it? stress from that?

[annie24]

well, we don't know what it is. you have to ask her. why didn't you say, "hun, you seem a bit withdrawn, is everything alright?"

[Papillion]

I take it you had a "pleasent time" no major arguments?

 

Yeah it was a good weekend otherwise. Went to V in stafford. Her sister and her b/f were with us - do you think that could be it? Maybe she felt uncomfortable with her kid sister around.

 

Or am i just making excuses for her?

[LFG]

Papillion -

 

You will only know what is going on if you ask her. You said you are afraid of grief. Would you rather live a lie? Don't be afraid of suffering. All the good things in life come at a risk, including the risk of loss.

 

LFG

[CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX]

not getting any sex over the weekend would not worry me. perhaps as you said she was just not in the mood - being tired and covered in mud (and smelly i'd imagine) is hardly an aphridisac and maybe you pestering her for sex (sorry kind of came accross that way) got on her nerves. however the lack of kisses cuddles etc would worry me. if she is acting colder towards you thats a big red flag. the worst case senerio is she has lost intrest in you however as you said she could be stressed so you need to speak to her and find out.

 

btw: "stop diggin that f-ing thing into my back" is not the usuall answer when a girl does not want to know. i would be pretty annoyed if my girlfriend spoke to me like that.

[Papillion]

btw: "stop diggin that f-ing thing into my back" is not the usuall answer when a girl does not want to know. i would be pretty annoyed if my girlfriend spoke to me like that.

 

lol, she's scottish mate. explains a lot...

 

you're right though, its not exactly polite is it. am used to it though.

[Clanger]

lol, she's scottish mate. explains a lot...

 

you're right though, its not exactly polite is it. am used to it though.

 

fiesty lady then?

I have to say, getting raunchy in a tent at a festival would probabley be a no from me as well to my other half unless i was completely hammered

But no hugs n stuff says something is wrong.. unless she thinks you had the grumps on because you wernt getting any sex

[Alex Kidd]

I can understand the no sex thing, but no kisses or cuddles? Mate, something is going down in China town. Ask her straight out. Doesn't sound right.

[Beec]

I think that what lead up to this and what's changed would be my first question. I'd look at that, and see if I saw anything, any patterns, etc.

 

I would also just leave her alone for a while, few calls, etc.

 

And if nothing changed by the next time we met, I'd wish her good luck and tell her it was OVER.

 

Big warning, do not tolerate a cold woman and kowtow to her, thinking that she will be pleasant if you give her what she wants. If being cold and witchy works for her, you will see it again and again and again. better to confront her and leave her alone than conform to what she wants. A woman that treats me well is a woman I want to treat well. if she does not treat me well, she will not see me soon.

[Papillion]

thanks guys.

 

i think you're right.

 

i will talk to her when i next see her at the w/end. i'm helping with her house move.

[Beec]

thanks guys.

 

i think you're right.

 

i will talk to her when i next see her at the w/end. i'm helping with her house move.

 

Wait and see how the first part of it goes. If she is not nice, confront her. tell her something along the lines of: Look, I came here to help you, and you act as if you could wipe you feet on me. treat em right, or I will leave." And leave it at that.

 

If things do not improve, then talk. I have notived in teh past that a woman i confron will normally at first react upset, but the next day it's as if she never loved me more. Standing up for yourself attracts women.

[Papillion]

thanks beec. wise words.

[bubblyblonde11]

Yeah it was a good weekend otherwise. Went to V in stafford. Her sister and her b/f were with us - do you think that could be it? Maybe she felt uncomfortable with her kid sister around.

 

Or am i just making excuses for her?

 

Possibily if that was me I would hold back a little and be more distreet about things but would still hold a hand, glance at them, little squeeze of leg.

 

For instance when my ex had his mate round to stay for the weekend, I sat on the sofa with my then bf but as I didn't want his single mate to feel funny or awkward we just held hands or sat up close to each other.

 

So depends how distant was distant?

[CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX]

thumps up to beecs advice....thats how i'd play it