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Death's effects


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It's different for different people and yes, I think it is possible to have a very delayed reaction.Especially if someone feels that they have no choice but to 'cope' because they have other people to look after, or be there for, or can't truly face the reality of it deep down and then one day.... boom.

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It's different for different people and yes, I think it is possible to have a very delayed reaction.Especially if someone feels that they have no choice but to 'cope' because they have other people to look after, or be there for, or can't truly face the reality of it deep down and then one day.... boom.




In retrospect the death of my father when I was sixteen took a while to 'sink in', so to speak. When I was eighteen, I realized one day how much I missed his company.


Thus, it can often have a delayed reaction.

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First step in the proces of grieve is mostly: denial

For some is that denial just a few hours, day's or weeks, for others it can go on for months. After denial, the realisation kicks in, the fase you realise you truly won't see that special person in this lifetime again.

Everyone goes through the stages of grieve in their own time to get to a point of acceptance.


When my grandfather died a few weeks ago, I was very sad but got really quick to the stage of acceptance. He was 93, had a wonderfull life and was really ready to go. It was good!

But around the same time my neighbor and dear friend of 38 passed away. I'm still kinda in denial about that. Still expect him to drop by for a coffee and a chit-chat.

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Yes, it can take a while to kick in, and it's different for everyone.

When one of my best friend's father died, she seemed at least okay for a while. The week following the funeral we hung around her house to support her and her family, and she always seemed to be fine. A month later, a few of us were drinking and she came over. She shocked everyone because after having a few drinks she just started crying uncontrollably and saying how unfair everything was. It was really hard for me to see her like that and know that there was absolutely nothing I could do. It has been a year since then though, and she has gotten better.

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It depends on the person and how he/she copes. Grief has various stages, including denial, guilt, anger, depression, and eventually, acceptance. How long you stay in any of the stages can depend on how close you were to the person and what kind of relationship you had with them; how they died; your own mental health and personality type; your own physical health; your age; the age of the person who died, and many other things. There was a bereavement in my family when I was in my teens which affected me very badly. I went into shock for several days, then the stages of grief started. In my case depression was extreme and long lasting and the anger stage was delayed. It can depend on how 'acceptable' certain emotions are: in my society anger was an 'unacceptable' emotion for girls, and that caused problems. That's a common experience for girls. It took me three to four years to get through the stages of grief and complete the mourning.


Had another grief experience two years ago and it has taken me this long to recover (exacerbated by certain actions, chiefly denial). It's never, never easy, but it is a process that your mind survives. You do eventually come through it, and you are usually substantially changed by it.


The best of luck to you.

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It effects everyone in different ways. When my best friend killed himself, I was 15, we grew up together. It hit me really hard and it took me 2 years of self destructive behaviour in order for me to come to terms with it. When my grandfather died two years ago it took 3 months before it finally hit home that he was gone but I was better prepared at dealing with his loss.


Grief isn't a predictable emotion.

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When my Dad died a few yrs ago, I remember feeling numb for a good month or so. Then I would just start crying all the time. I would get angry at little things and then go back to crying. I remember the bargaining phase, I would pray that he would just come back and everything would be ok. I wasn't close to myself for a good year. I just kept going thru the grieving process over and over again....and most of it was denial.


Then I lost my mom 4 months ago. I was doing some crying and then just stopped. I feel now like I am in auto pilot because I have so much to accomplish(I graduate in a yr.) People were shocked at how well I handled it....and I've noticed that the distance between my friends and I has grown. It feels like they are moving on(getting married etc.) and here I am doing my thing, but I still feel like I am in limbo. I used to be a lot of fun.....and go out etc before my mom got ill and I took care of her. But now its like I'm afraid to go out and just have fun.


Also, my sis dragged me on a trip out of town recently and I just then realized how close I was with my mom. She did too. I kept talking about her and how we went here or there etc. Then we were eating in a restaurant and my sis told me how "negative" I am. That is why I don't have anyone special in my life. This made me break down in tears in a freakin IHOP and I had to walk out. I felt so stupid.... But I guess she had a point in ways. I'm negative when it comes to relationships. It is hard not to be because the last few relationships were good and then the guy either cheated on me, was hooked on drugs, or was in a relationship with someone else all along. So, I have a hard time trusting people....which sucks. This lack of trust makes IT VERY hard for me to get close to someone again. I don't want to feel that pain of losing someone again. It's something I don't feel like I could deal with right now. Maybe it sounds crazy, but its true.


So, instead, I find myself attracted to people who I KNOW things wouldn't work out with. Then I find myself w/ a crush that leads me into a fantasy land. But the reality of it all really hurts.

So yes, I think death does have some side effects.....even long term effects. I hope they go away and fade with time, but I do know I am certainly not the same person I used to be.

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