cabman Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 After almost 5 weeks after the unxepected breakup with my g/f I decided it was time to move on. I went to dinner with a women I met a couple of weeks ago. Big mistake. All the dinner did was to make me miss my ex 10 fold. When I got home I poured over pictures and generally felt terrible. I think I hit an all time low. All I keep thinking is how can I get through this. Link to comment
Benjyh Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 More time! it was just too soon for you. keep your chin up it will get better Link to comment
Meow18 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Sometimes dating this soon after a break up doesn't always do what one might hope it would. Some think it might help them get over their ex sooner, which in your case you learned the opposite. You will get through this. It's hard to imagine now, but trust me, broken hearts do heal. And you may always hold a place for her in your heart. That's normal. But one day you will be able to get by without missing her and thinking about her. One piece of advice though, don't even consider dating until you can think of your ex without feeling depressed. Otherwise it might just be a rebound. Link to comment
Thunderforce Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Five weeks is not that long. You can't just switch that button off in the way: "From today I don't care anymore" That feeling grows eventually while you are moving on. You don't even realise it that you trule moved on and are in a healty state of mind. Last year when I had a break-up I was hurt for weeks ... went back and forward in emotions... and then suddenly a few months later, I accidently run into him and I was surprised because at that moment I realised I didn't think so much about him anymore: no hurt, no regrets, no anger. I was healed! Just take your time! Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Five weeks is not that long. You can't just switch that button off in the way: "From today I don't care anymore" That feeling grows eventually while you are moving on. You don't even realise it that you trule moved on and are in a healty state of mind. Last year when I had a break-up I was hurt for weeks ... went back and forward in emotions... and then suddenly a few months later, I accidently run into him and I was surprised because at that moment I realised I didn't think so much about him anymore: no hurt, no regrets, no anger. I was healed! Just take your time! I donno 6wks later for me and I am 99% over the ex. I also had a date on Friday night and didn't think of the ex once all night was totally into the person I was with. Perhaps its an attraction thing plus I suppose everyones time limit for getting over the ex is different. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Meow is right. Sometimes we think we are ready, and then we experience the rude awakening that we are not quite there yet. Sometimes those first few dates are a cold reminder of what we no longer have with our ex and it can be difficult. It's only been 5 weeks, my guess is you are nowhere near ready to consider dating someone new, especially considering the breakup was unexpected, (and not your choice?) Give yourself time, it will get easier, but don't push dating until you really feel ready. Link to comment
benga Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Your feeling today depend on whatyour expectations were from the date? Was it just dinner? Link to comment
beebee Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 take your time cab... at least you made the effort to go out with someone new... this is a good sign whether you believe it or not... not to worry... you will heal... we all do... it just takes time... how much time?... i cant judge... just take it slow and easy... noone is pushing you but you... be kind to yourself and grieve... God bless... beebee Link to comment
cabman Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Your feeling today depend on whatyour expectations were from the date? Was it just dinner? Thats an interesting question. I had thought, like many have before that it would help me to move on if I "got out there". I didn't really know that my expectations were. All I wanted to do was to help myself move on. I realize now that was selfish. As I said in my original post I felt much worse after the dinner. On one level it made me miss my ex all the much more. I realized that I cannot try to start a relationship with another while I was still recovering from this one. (I really fell hard for my ex). On another lever I felt really bad that the woman that I had dinner with was looking to get into a relationship and thought that this may be the beginning of one. The next day I called her and brought her up to speed on my situation. She was very thankful that I was honest with her and agreed that my "emotional plate" was full. She then told me (which surpised me) that she would love to be friends and would still like to keep in touch and see me (as a friend). I agreed with her. She really made me feel better. I feel that we will become good friends! Link to comment
benga Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I dont think dating others is a way of healing yourself. Its only a way of temporarily numbing the pain...Not healing.. I think healing is when you have learnt from your mistakes in the relationship, accepted them, accepted the fact that your ex too is a human who makes mistakes and the fact that what is not to be, is not to be.. The human will is strange in many ways.. Nobody or nothing can force it against its own will... If that makes any sense... Live with yourself, love yourself..... You will find your answers yourself... do use all ofus out here as your sounding board.... Cheers Benga Link to comment
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