tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Why can't I just STOP thinking about it...I feel strong one day, the next I am a mess. Today I woke up feeling strong, and now I just texted him a "hello, how you doing, hope you have a great day".....now been staring at my phone like a zombie for last 30 mins...he hasn't replied, he won't. Just when I thought I was getting stronger, feeling better, I have put myself back in that dark hole I been strugglin to get out of.....I wonder if its to do with my star sign - Gemini....always in 2 minds about every damn thing!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I just figured i was strong enough to start some low contact, maybe a normal greeting, now I realised I made a mistake...he'll be thinking...SUCH A FOOL STILL OBESSSING OVER ME....damn perhaps he will reply back...I don't know....hate this.Messsssssssssssssssssssssssss!!! Link to comment
majord23 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Tushboy - your problem is that you view breaking NC as something that will ease your pain. You are proving to yourself that that is not the case. In your situation, contacting your ex is making you feel much, much worse. Take that on board and consider it the next time that you are tempted. hang in there, it *will* get better, I promise. Link to comment
tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 True, I am just going back and forth. The crying has eased, and I felt positive enough today to message him, coz I felt in control. The moment I sent that message I went spiralling .....coz he didnt reply. And then I followed it with a "I am sorry I shudn't have sent it" message. I am making nothing but a fool of myself with this ! Link to comment
Clabs Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Hey TB! I have a feeling that you won't send any more messages. You see for yourself that the only person that gets hurt here is you. You are starting to have some positive days - good stuff. Now have a good day and don't contact him - that will be a great point to get to. Take care fella - you can do this - promise me you will not contact him any more. Don't disappoint me because I hate to see you beating yourself up. Mark Link to comment
tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I know Mark, its like I am giving up on myself....each time I get two steps forward, I seem to take five backwards the next day. I am trying hard, I really want to feel better Mark. I want to go back to my old cheerful self, am so done with these depressing nights and this gloom hovering around me all the time. I promise, I won't message him again. I won't call or text him. I need to do it to preserve my own sanity. It's funny how weak you feel when all your life you've been so strong. Sigh. Link to comment
tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 He's just logged online on chat....I don't think I should say anything to him. Link to comment
mmisty2001 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I read this the other day and I read it to remind myself why I don't contact him. It has helped me. The whole point of resisting the urge to call a man you have broken up with and share your feelings with him is to avoid the risk of getting rejected, hurt, and humiliated. Every time you get rejected you reinforce any feelings of unlovability or desperation you might be struggling with. And even if he does respond to your call positively, you may feel momentarily comforted and closer to him, but soon the anguish will return, because you're still not together and then – you'll have to work through your feelings of loss again, doubling your amount of work. Link to comment
tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 It hard....but I know so many of you have done it. I can do it too. I will resist IMing him now..cause even if he responds...I will be going back with nothing but expectations and a hope that won't get back anything. Link to comment
Clabs Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Hey TB - good boy! Come back here instead because we are good and he is bad. Mark Link to comment
tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 Sigh Letting go is so tough. Link to comment
Clabs Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Hey TB! Yes - very very tough to let go. You just need to be firm here. You are worth so much more than what you had - always remember that fact and use it to propel yourself forward. Mark Link to comment
mmisty2001 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Sigh Letting go is so tough. You haven't given in have you? Link to comment
tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 Not yet, he's still online...but I am resisiting...I have just signed off now from chat...so I stop staring at his id ! Link to comment
mmisty2001 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Not yet, he's still online...but I am resisiting...I have just signed off now from chat...so I stop staring at his id ! Well done, that's a good step to make. Keep posting here instead. Link to comment
tushboy Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I have lost him , as a friend, as a lover, as everything. Whats killing me is that we were the BEST of friends before we fell in love. Now, him ignoring me, just pushing me away like I am a piece of furniture, this hurt, is getting so tough to deal with each day...so much we had. Its all gone. Link to comment
CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 hey i completely feel you're pain, losing someone you love is the toughest thing to have to go through. its so hard going from best friends and lovers to not talking at all but he has given you no choice. every time you contact him i can guarantee you will feel worse, it wont achieve anything but get you more down in the dumps. dont be so hard on yourself we have all been there, contacted are ex's when we shouldn’t have, just put it down to a learning experience. you will have the urge to contact him lots in the near future as you have just got out the relationship and are used to the routine and having his affection but over time that urge will decrease and so will that hollow lost feeling you have. try and find ways to cope when you feel like txting him, maybe phone a friend or go for a jog etc just try and keep yourself busy. things WILL get better Link to comment
mmisty2001 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I have lost him , as a friend, as a lover, as everything. Whats killing me is that we were the BEST of friends before we fell in love. Now, him ignoring me, just pushing me away like I am a piece of furniture, this hurt, is getting so tough to deal with each day...so much we had. Its all gone. I know exactly what you are going through. My ex was my best friend once too. It hurts now that he is not the one there to comfort me. I always turned to him, I was emotionally dependent on him. What a fool I was, I am beginning to see that now. In time you will see you are a better person for this. Everything happens for a reason. Link to comment
pester1c Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 I would say just one thing.. that am trying to achieve myself.. Dont hate urself for anything.. even if u broke NC it doesnt matter.. next time its gonna be lot easier.. love urself.. pamper urself ... feel like a queen... Link to comment
ivanhoe Posted August 25, 2007 Share Posted August 25, 2007 hey TB, like the rest of the guys on here I do know how you feel. It's a dreadful place to be but it will get better. It is ok to allow it to get better too, it doesn't mean that you don't care or love the other person, it's just that we have to accept what has happened and how we feel about it. Having no contact will help, it is helping me at the moment - can I suggest that you either remove him from your contacts or get a new im sign in so that a) he doesn't see when you are online and b) you don't have another reminder or test of contact for a while. We're in the same boat, we have to respect ourselves now. It's time feeling hurt about being rejected stopped, only way to do that is to stop being rejected, only way to do that is to stop asking. Remember that there are plenty of great things about you, you don't deserve rejection and treatment like this so it is up to you to put a stop to it. Just like it is up to me the same. If he decides he wants to be with you let it be because he wants to, you will both feel better in the long run that way. I think the old saying is something like: If you love something Set it free If it comes back to you It is yours If it does not It was never meant to be. I'm certainly no relationship expert - check out my posts you'll see that! If you want to write him a letter you could maybe do that in a few weeks time, if you get stressed you could write to him when you feel you need to say something and want to contact him but NEVER send the letter. My advice would be what I have read and give to myself - try and focus on yourself for a month, allow yourself to accept your feelings, talk to people you feel comfortable with and keep posting. I found this site less than 24 hours ago and I think it's helping me, there are some really helpful comments and experiences to draw upon. I hope this helps, I'm just a learner and I'm sure I've got a few tests to come myself yet... Paul Link to comment
asdfg123 Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 Have u ever thought that maybe perhaps your ex is doing you a favor not contacting you?? Sometimes I think it would be best if my ex would do the same and be cruel to be kind. I have kept saying I will try no contact...but its so DIFFICULT. If I dont talk to him for a few days he will contact me...and im weak and cant ignore. He never ignores me...sometimes I wish he would. If you ex is really wanting to end the relationship...the best thing for him to do is no contact and since he ended it...that means he is stronger and its easier for himto do no contact...and although u might think its cruel for him to just cut u off....sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Although it would really hurt me if my ex cut me off and ignored me..im still hurt bc we are not together....so be thankful...your ex is showing you that he is over the relationship with his actions....or at least pretty certain he is over it...bc he is allowing you to realize and get over it for yourself. Link to comment
asdfg123 Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 Hey...I am on this side of the break up! I was dumped and had my heart broken and I know both situations are hard...BUT it has been 4 months for me and I am not healed...bc my ex keeps contact w me...for instance...if he told me he didnt want to talk to me and ignored me...I would be SO UPSET for like one month...by 4 months I KNOW I would have moved on and gave up hope. It is bc he still talks to me..that I hold on to hope... I honestly think the best way is if they ignore you. Regardless...in the end...u wont be talking to your ex....which I KNOW will happen w me...once I get enough strength....if he would just ignore me...it would move it along faster. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 hey tushboy, check out the thread: Adventures of NC. it provides great things to keep in mind to help with NC. i read it and it pretty much summed up stuff i had to keep in mind to maintain NC. wish you luck Link to comment
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