I would rather be hurt than wonder "What if?"

[blender]

When you said, "him doing that to me was a blessing" that is so true, remember "rejection is God's protection".

[Desiderata]

Rejection is God's protection, hmm... I really like that. Like even if I couldn't see at the time that it was a bad thing at least someone could, so I know now that it's just been wonderful to feel those things - to cry, to want to crawl back to him, to do everything in order to get to this point and say "Yeah, I did that and I feel like it's normal" because without feeling my ultimate lows I would not know what it's like to feel such great highs and accept things and just continue trying to become a better person because of what has happened and because I deserve it.

 

The change is coming at a really wonderful time - I'm going back to school for my senior year and feel like I'm truly starting fresh. I was walking back to my car today on campus and I screamed out loud after what his mom told me and how it made me feel, it was just such a big moment for me. *blush*

[Wandering_Sword]

I'm glad you got your closure, Desi At least it can be put to rest and you can move forward just a little bit faster.

[Desiderata]

Most definitely, my dear. Today just feels so much better than the past few days - the emptiness is still there but I'm at work and I'm happy and just knowing that my life is progressing better than my ex's is a source of comfort. I am moving on with other things in life while he is not seeking help from anyone. Man, it just feels wonderful.

[mushmouth]

The book "The Four Agreements" does a good job describing how one can feel love and project love everyday and not to take it personally when someone rejects it.

 

Just wanted to mention it.

[Desiderata]

That book sounds very interesting. It might be good to read just to understand what people are thinking. I mean I can show them love, but if they do not want it it doesn't have to be something against me and I don't have to feel rejected, that's just how it is. Perhaps I just can't wrap my mind around that right now, as if someone shows me love I automatically feel good about it and thank them in some way.

 

Reading back over my old threads is such a trip sometimes. I really still would have gone through all of that just to know that I loved as much as I could in that situation, I did the things that I thought would make someone happy. It really is a reciprocal thing - to cooperate with each other in relationships, to work things out with each other because you both care enough to.

 

Everyone made some really good points in this thread which led to some interesting discussions. What does "giving 100%" mean, what does being in a relationship with someone entail in that aspect, etc. A friend of mine always says that are issues are with ourselves and I believe that - that whatever my ex was dealing with was his own issue and his inability to be in the relationship. Now if he thinks he can move on be open to dating someone else, I wish him luck in many ways...

 

My issue with wanting to know what he was doing was just because I still cared, because I cannot just push my feelings away like that. I felt so strongly and though I complain about this hurt sometimes, I know it has been worth it already. I have confidence in myself, I know what I need in my life right now and I'm ready to make my 21st year just wonderful because of what I feel I can accomplish.