Why am I doing this??

[Siren]

Hi everyone. I was hoping that I could get some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 24. He was my first date, my first kiss, my first everything. We have had some problems with our age difference in the past, but we always managed to work through it. But lately it seems that I'm having a really hard time "connecting" with him. He has his own business and I often end up feeling that I'm third place. He usually puts himself in first place, his customers in second, and then me. I know that he loves me a lot and I do really care about him, but I don't think that I love him as much as he loves me. I've broken up with him before and it just crushed him, and I don't want to put him through that again. But at the same time I'm not as happy as I can be while I'm with him. I just can't envision myself marrying him. What should I do??

[anydaynow]

I think you are in a relationship that has run its course. You can't envision marrying him, so what is the point of continuing, assuming you want marriage in life? Being with him should make you happier that you usually are. That why friends and family and loved ones are good company, because they make you happy!

 

If he only loves you 3rd on his list of priorities, and you love him even less, than it is time to get out.

 

You can't deny yourself a chance at a healthy, loving relationship just because it might "crush" him. I think you need to tell him that it isn't working anymore. That you can't see marrying him. That you aren't as happy as you should be with him. It might hurt him, but it will only hurt more if you delay it.

[sunnystar]

breaking up is never really an easy thing to do yet sometimes it is the right thing to do. hopefully the longer you are apart the easier not being together will be.

[nuttybuddy]

it sounds like you'll love him more if he put you first in his life. or if that's not the case, and you feel like you can't see yourself marrying him even if he puts you first in his life, then break it off.

 

but if you think you can see yourself marrying him as long as he puts you first, i think you just have an issue you need to talk to him about. problem is, how to even bring that up, cuz if u do... he might just say that he won't be able to put you first in his life... and you'll be crushed.

 

i tell ya.... i have a very selfish bf too. there are so many times i got mad at him cuz he only thinks about himself. and ya know, love is about giving.... so if he's being selfish, it probably means he just doesn't love me as much as i love him. we're right now in testing stages of our relationship. we've broken up twice before and right now, we're just testing to see how long this relationship can hold up or if he'll come around to wanting to make this relationship last for good. he's not there yet. and i'm just waiting... but who knows how long i'll wait. and who knows if he'll break my heart first?

 

just today, he had something to say which he disagreed with me, but was very hesitant to bring it up cuz he didn't want to put me off. i had to ask him several times what was on his mind, before he finally told me. this just goes to show u that i guess we're still not that comfortable with each other yet.

 

but i diverge from the topic. i'm just saying that guys can be so selfish. so i hear ya. but don't take breaking up lightly. as you know from your experience, it hurts.

[undeniyable]

Are you afraid of leaving him? I know he would probably be heart broken, but you would break his heart even more if you decide to stay in a relationship you really want out of. If you wait any longer before sharing this with him, you could end up married, with children, and by then it could seem impossible to end things. My thoughts are with you...I know you'll do the right thing.=)

[Siren]

I know that breaking up with him is probably the best thing to do. I mean if I can't imagine marrying him or even living with him, why am I wasting my time? But I am scared of breaking up. It's been a long time since I've been alone. But there is something else to the story. About the time that my boyfriend and I started having problems, I started to really like this guy that I work with. He was a lot like my boyfriend, but different at the same time. We seemed to get along really well. I don't know if he knows that I like him. But, unfortunately, I learned that he isn't really looking for a girlfriend because he will be moving when he is finished with school. And even after my boyfriend and I got back together, I can't seem to get this other guy out of my head, which is weird because I barely know him. I'm trying to just take things one day at a time, but it does stress me out a lot.