I do not like my husband friend. What to do ?

[confusedinlife]

Relationship is really not easy. There is so many people involved. My husband has a business partner friend. I do not like him. I point it out to my husband. But he said I should trust him. This friend apparently told my husband he should not be married before our marriage. Apartently, jokes with my husband that he will work on getting him divorced. The guy himself has married and divorced couple of time and has a girlfriend, but still sleep around. I think his is very morally low. I do not like my husband to friend with person like this. But my husband thinks of him as a friend, and continue to be friend with him. My words do not seems to count. I sometimes think his friend is using him in business too. But I can not tell my husband that , and he won't listen anyway. I do not know what to do , what to think. My marriage has been great, but it did shake quite a bit lately. Is it my security on our marriage that make me even dislike his friend even more ?? How do you talk sense to your husband ??? Help !!!!!

[Thelovingone]

First off your husbands friend isn't a very good friend if hes telling him things like that. But if your husband really wants to be friends with him, then he must ignore those comments his friend says, (I have the same problem with one of my friends).

 

I would talk to him about it, just cause it's something that is bothering you, and see how he reacts to it. (Thats what my gf did, and I respect her wants and needs and I don't really see my friend alot.)

[Day_Walker]

Personally I dont like any of my friends girlfriends or wives, I put up with them because they are involved with my friends and I am friendly toward them but I would in no way hang out with them independent of my friends. Your husband has the right to decide who his friends are, and it is not your job to say who he can and cant be friends with.

[ghost69]

how long have you been married? maybe your husband tells him right back to shut up and he doesn't know you well or something. obviously your husband tells you what the guy says so i don't think he pays it much attention.

[confusedinlife]

Thanks guys for your input. It helps to hear opinion from guys on this issue. I try be friendly with my husband friends. Maybe he sees something good in this friend that I haven't see it yet. I do not think his friend respect him , his choice of being married. If it is a real good friend, he soundn't joke that our marriage will end up divorced. I agree my husband should have right to choose his friend. I just do not agree with the concept of friend. He knows i do not like that guy . But they still hang out together. I do not know what to do. My husband trust people easily. I hate to see him being hurt. But, i guess he has to figure it out by himself. And our marriage will be on a test for the rest of our time together.

[WWBG]

I disagree about the bit about him being a bad friend just because he is saying your husband shoudl get divorced. It takes a good friend to point out that which we don't want to hear.

 

If you intend to try and separate them, you have to work smart. If you appear to be the jealous controlling wife, you are only going to push the two of them closer, and possibly validate all the things the friend says. If you actively try to keep them apart and you cry and you protest, the friend will probably say something like "see, I told you she'd do that. Its exactly what MY wife did before we got divorced".

 

He is planting a seed, and you don't want it to grow.

 

Focus on spending quality time with your husband. Demonstrate through ACTION not through talk that the things the friend says just plain aren't true. This way, when the friend says something like "women are selfish and don't help with chores", your husband will think "hmmm... well my wife always helps with the chores". It doesn't have to be that exact example, but you get my drift.