Lily04 Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 My bf totally blew me off... we just started dating, and things seemed to be going really well, so we just decided to be in a relationship........but I honestly think I've lost my trust in men... I know it may be my obsessiveness talking... but I just don't think I can trust people anymore, I don't know. I'm going to try going to church and developing a closer relationship with God, because I've never been very religious but I think that's what I really need right now... I've just been hurt by too many people... I just don't think I can do this anymore... I actually feel like crying right now... I don't know. I'm a very independent person, but I think I can live by myself and be happy. I'm not going to turn into a monk or anything lol... but I think learning to love someone who loves unconditionally is something that may help... Link to comment
nightw0lf Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Im sorry to hear about your situation, werent you just with someone ??? Anyways, maybe you moving to fast between relationships ? Go single for a year or however long it takes until you ready to be with someone. God is a good option tho Link to comment
Lily04 Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 I was single for 4 years, and just vomited. I'm actually sick as a result of this... thats pretty sad Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I think learning to love someone who loves unconditionally is something that may help... Lily04, can I also add, learning to love *YOURSELF* unconditionally is something that will also help. Link to comment
DN Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Slow up there. I saw you post on the other thread. he came but had to leave. Wait and find out why before doing anything you might regret. Finding God is fine but he has a lot of folks to worry about and a boyfriend usually only has you. Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 ...just vomited. I'm actually sick as a result of this... thats pretty sad No, that's actually normal. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 guys i don't know what is wrong with me........i feel so dysfunctional i'm going to die........ Link to comment
jettison Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I'm good with that as long as you don't start ending your posts with "a simple Nun". Link to comment
Lily04 Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 I really want to commit suicide... I can't really deal with this right now... I think he didn't like the way I handled the situation on Friday, I probably came accross as paranoid and obsessive or something, I have no idea...........because I asked him if he's not attracted to me anymore or wants to continue dating me, and he was like "oh shut up... of course I want to see you. I'm just busy all this week now." But thats never happened before....................i cant deal with this. I need to talk with someone. Link to comment
BornToResist Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I'm good with that as long as you don't start ended your posts with "a simple Nun". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Okay I regained my composure. I haven't read any of your other threads, but don't go talking about killing yourself. Not over a guy. I see you posting all the time and you seem very intelligent and sweet. Things will be okay again... But God is a good option nonetheless. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 im just seriously insecure and... have problems and no guy could possibly ever be attracted to me. I want to kill myself. I'm sorry guys... thanks for all your help. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 You're not alone lily. I feel the same way. In your case though, it sounds like you are attractive and you've had some offers, so you'll get through it! Link to comment
BornToResist Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Okay I just went back and reread some stuff. You wrote you just started taking SSRI's, right? Well maybe that could make everything seem a bit worse than it already is... Hang in there sweety. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 i think you are reading into his actions too much. so he stopped by and had to leave. he has to tell you every step he is doing? sorry, but i wouldn't be with a girl like that. just so you know. ease up a bit girl. don't read into it so much. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I really want to commit suicide... I can't really deal with this right now... I think he didn't like the way I handled the situation on Friday, I probably came accross as paranoid and obsessive or something, I have no idea...........because I asked him if he's not attracted to me anymore or wants to continue dating me, and he was like "oh shut up... of course I want to see you. I'm just busy all this week now." But thats never happened before....................i cant deal with this. I need to talk with someone. Lily, this is what some of us have been telling you - yes you probably DID come accross as very obsessive if you were antying even remotely close to what we see hear. Dear you really are going to have to work on this before you can really find a decent serious relationship. I know you get frustrated with me when I say this and say you can't stay single while you work on yourself, but I suspect you will encounter difficulty like this time and time again. You were so upset that you may not like this guy that much because he was so available and now that he "blew you off" you are talking suicide. This is NOT healthy in the least. And what did he do to blow you off? Are you perhaps not making a huge issue out of nothing at all? Link to comment
Lily04 Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 In terms of 'blowing me off', he never called me... to tell me he wasn't going to meet me. I cancelled dinner with a friend because i thought we were meeting, and then 5:00 comes, and he's not here yet. So I texted him and he was like "oh yeah, I came downtown but then had to head back up due to traffic and whatever..." I asked what he's doing Wed. if he wants to meet after his other class, so we can meet a bit before Thurs. and he said he has class... and Tues. too... he's busy. He just typically makes time for me so this is reallllly odd. Maybe I am overreacting though... i think what I am going to do is just have "me" time for the next 2 days, and not contact him at all. And just see him on Thurs. and absolutely forget about guys entirely.... Link to comment
sandyv Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I really want to commit suicide... I can't really deal with this right now... I think he didn't like the way I handled the situation on Friday, I probably came accross as paranoid and obsessive or something, I have no idea...........because I asked him if he's not attracted to me anymore or wants to continue dating me, and he was like "oh shut up... of course I want to see you. I'm just busy all this week now." But thats never happened before....................i cant deal with this. I need to talk with someone. Sorry to hear you are feeling so low Lily, I can relate, people can be just awful I know..... take it easy on yourself.... Hope you'll take some time just for you, don't think about him, think of you only right now..... ((HUGZ)) Sandy Link to comment
Lily04 Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 I want to commit suicide.. I need to speak with a proper psychiatrist soon, I cannot deal with this right now. Link to comment
sandyv Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I want to commit suicide.. I need to speak with a proper psychiatrist soon, I cannot deal with this right now. Lily can't you please call a crisis centre maybe? I know its hard though.... Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Hey Lily, you know my friend at work is a lot like you. She has a real hard time trusting guys because of past relationships and even though the guy she's dating seems like a total sweetheart, is always finding something negative even if it's not really there. She was telling me about how she felt like he suddenly changed and wasn't making time for her, and she felt like he was blowing her off and was no longer interested. You know how it worked out? He really was just having a very busy week. Give it some time. Appreciate that he's in school and has to attend classes and do homework. But don't feel the need to make yourself available. Make sure you still have your own life. You've just started dating this guy. Life was worth living before him, and it will be through all this too. There's too much good stuff out there to experience to let a guy take that away from you. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Please re-read your posts Lily. You were not even sure if you WANTED a relationship with this guy a few days ago, now that he didn't call you at the time he was supposed to you are contemplating suicide? I cannot tell you how disturbing this is. I am with Sandy, I think you need to call a Crisis Center and get help and fast. You can't keep putting off finding another psychiatrist. This is extremely inappropriate reaction to a guy you were not really sure about a few days ago who didn't call. This is way off the chain. I suggest you make a phonecall very quickly. To beat it all there is NO evidence that he really is blowing you off. His explanation sounds perfectly sane and legit and maybe he really DOES have classes he can't miss. Lily please get a grip on reality here. Link to comment
Caldus Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Lily I'm really sorry you're going through this. PM me if you want to talk someone privately. Link to comment
sti_2004 Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 hi lily, yea your definitely overreacting since you want to commit suicide.. just realize that it's not supposed to be easy and that your thoughts right now will pass just like a bad day passes. your situation with your bf really isn't a big deal. just chill out and everything will eventually work out. k. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 Hi, Thanks guys... I'm honestly feeling better now. The library closed at 7:00 so I was forced to get out and get some fresh air lol... and in the 10 mins. my head cleared a bit. I never really realized how obsessive I can be... I was scared of falling too fast too soon, and I think that may be what happened... I wasn't even that *crazy* into him though but just the pattern of him pulling away drove me nuts because that is what I am used to guys doing, and I couldn't stomach being hurt again... However. What I've decided is that this is not by any means the end of the world, I was merely obsessing over it. I am a great person with great attributes... I can move on and I need to learn to put this as merely a thing on the side for now. My main priority is me and school... I've just started dating, and cannot get caught up with this now. I was so enthused with the prospect of a relationship because it is so new, that I was scared of losing it... more due to my competitive nature than anything. I also think I need to talk with my psychiatrist about this, or a more competent counsellor, because I don't think the meds are helping... I did take one this morning but my mind is spiralling into this unproductive orbit of thoughts, and it's not healthy... I get caught up in analyzing details when I need to learn to distance myself from situations. Luckily it seems I am doing that without the meds from taking an objective step back... but this racketing of my emotions from a high to low, is not good... I can just free fall into this suicidal state... and lose track of my priorities and time... I really need to set that straight more than anything. I think realizing this is a good first step though... I've only really experienced this with regards to school... my frustration with some papers has led to this same type of over-analysis and depressive thoughts, but never really with regards to relationships... with some friendships, yes, however. I should talk with my psych. about it... or if anyone else experiences this same high/low.. let me know... thanks. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 You just started those meds, days ago didn't you? There is no way they can help this soon. Please give them time to work. Secondly, you are already writing this relationship off yet you have no idea if he is really TRYING to blow you off. You are basing this on his missing a phonecall to meet up. This is a man who is pretty attentive but everyone gets caught up in traffic, or a busy day, things come up. To already be signing the death sentence on a relationship that barely started is a bit over the top. What you say about not falling for him to avoid hurt, etc, are you sure that you are not just doing what MANY women do and fall for the guys who are the most elusive? I have followed a lot of your posts and you tend to shun the "nice" guys and fall hard on the ones who ignore you. This is why so many women get caught up with "bad boys" because they only seem to want the ones that treat them poorly or act like they don't care. I think this is the real issue to examine with regards to failed relationships or relationship attempts. I think they never worked out because OF the type of guys you fall hardest for. Now that you think this guy blew you off suddenly he went from nice romantic attentive b/f to bad guy who didn't bother to call you. Now he seems so much more appealing. That is the crux of the relationship issue for you so it seems from following your threads. And the REASON you probably do this is why most women do ....severe insecurity and feeling you don't deserve the best. But you already know the insecurity is really crippling your happiness so i hope you continue with those meds and continue with therapy but find a therapist who is APPROPRIATE and not attracted to you. Link to comment
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