depressed and in love hurts

[saku]

sorry, i know i've posted many times already but there aren't many places to go where people feel like i do. as i've posted, i like this girl who has a stupid butthole boyfriend already. AND i know i'm not supposed to like her but i do and i'm not gonna "just stop" for some other guy's benfit. i mean, he doesn't have to stop liking her so....

 

anyway today i decided to go to school even though i didn't feel like dealing with any disappointments or frustrations that would come my way. i wrote a poem for the girl i like and i waited for her to show up at school. i was scared and frustrated at the same time. when she came around, i didn't think she would want to talk to me. i called her name and she stopped. i felt so stupid and annoying. i asked her if she had any free time between classes but she said she usually studies around that time. she told me where she is usually at (i don't know if that means that she does want to keep talking to me despite her jerkface boyfriend but...) but as we were walking, she went up to this guy and tapped him on the back. i don't know if it was her boyfriend, but i felt embarrased. she didn't do that to me when she walked by, but the guy looked like he was better than me. anyway i gave her the poem and left. i was glad i got to see her, but was frustrated that i didn't make a good impression. i mean so many people around me has someone in their life. even jerkface guys who don't deserve love. it's all too depressing and it makes me sick. i try really hard to make good impressions but it's all in vain. last week, i thought of how i would take my life for the first time in years. it's not just because of the lonliness in my life, it's because of how nothing seems to go right no matter what i do. i could've and probably should've stayed in bed but i but forth the effort to go to school today and all i asked from God was to just be there and help me get through all this. and he didn't. the way i see it, he helps really bad people in the world like thugs and abusers, but not someone who really tries. i mean i'm not a saint or nothing, but i don't want to think i'm somekind of bad person either.

 

i know i've written alot and i'm sorry. soon, i may be leaving. i'm thinking if things keep getting worse, i'm gonna leave mainstream society and live out in the middle of nowhere. i mean i won't be any happier or nothing, but at least i won't have see what everyone else has that i don't. if anyone took the time to read this thank you.

 

so bye for now i guess

[DREAM]

Oh my god Hun this is only the beginning of love life. Im guessing your quite young and from my experience I have liked many guys and they not been interested in me in school days which made me feel as what's the point, just leave school, leave the city leave the god dam country, but hey you cant you move on and see that this is not your first crush is minor to what else life has in sort for you. Well in my case now I have 5 guys after me. Its funny really they all the ones I wanted back in school days. But now I don't want them. I have something better,

 

This gal looks a bit naive to me and I feel as tho you could prob do much better, she prob really likes this so called jurkface…lol but hey that's it. They are together. Ya you could wait around for them to split… but for how long.

 

My advise would be move on and look some were else there are a lot of better looking gals out there trust me.